andromeda

she/her 19 / sana kapag pwede na, pwede pa .

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

my crazy ex is trying to get me to meet alone w him bc supposedly i'm in danger and it's just an ongoing saga of me telling my coworkers all the tea tbh

[humansofnewyork]

“I was just a girl from Poland. But I wasn’t afraid when I came here. It was like a big, beautiful machine to me. The energy, the madness of it. On my very first day I stood on the corner of Broadway and 44th Street. People were screaming and yelling. All of it was beautiful, even the bad stuff. Back home it had been so strict. Everything by the book. But here you had the freedom. Right away I was thinking: ‘This is my city. I want to be a part of it.’ I got my first job working at a delicious German bakery. I didn’t speak any English. But I have a photographic memory. Anything I can see, I can do. I learn to make everything: the candies, the cookies. Even the perfect little Easter Bunnies. Then one day I see an advertisement in the New York Times. I opened right to the page: ‘Sandler’s Chocolate Shop for sale.’ It felt like destiny. I do my research in the old way. For two weeks I stood across the street from the shop and counted all the people. Then I tell Mr. Sandler: I am ready to buy the store. I memorized the recipe of all the chocolates. I learned the taste of each of them. I have a thing for colors. When I’m surrounded by colors, my whole body shakes. So I chose all the perfect colored boxes. My mother came to work with me every day. We fight, but ‘love fight.’ The fight of stupid things. We were very close. More like sisters. We knew everything that needed to be done, even without speaking. For 25 years we run the shop together. She’s been gone for seven years now. I miss her very much. And without her it is much more work, but I am trying my best. For 32 years this has been my normal life. Doing the chocolate and the cookies. It has always felt like normal thing to me. Like I’m just one of millions. Ordinary girl doing her job. That’s the way I was thinking. But recently people are coming in here every day, they are saying: ‘You cannot go down. We will miss you.’ I never realize how much the people likes me, and this makes me extremely proud. Do you know what they say to me? All the people? They tell me: ‘Kamila, we need you here.’ Can you imagine that? Me, just a girl from Poland. They say: ‘You are part of New York. The city needs you.’” Like so many other business owners, Kamila fell into a giant sinkhole with her rent during the pandemic. She worked out a deal with her landlord, but still owes nearly $100,000. If anyone would like to help Kamila save her 32 year old business, Kamila’s friends have created a GoFundMe for her: https://bit.ly/MyzelsChocolates  

And if anyone would like to get New York’s tastiest chocolates and candies for Valentines Day, you can visit Kamila at Myzel’s Chocolates on 140 W. 55th.

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

i didn't believe in "right person wrong time" until i met him. neither of us were in the right mental state and we threw ourselves into an irreparable mess.

since then, you've found a couple of new girls, but none of them really stuck. i've liked other guys but never the way i felt for you.

i would go through all that heartbreak and conflict again in a heartbeat if it meant i got to feel like that again. i would write you a song and perform it at the forum. i would dance with you in front of a crowd of a million people. i would move wherever you wanna go. i would do anything with you because i know you'd be there to catch me if i fell. to hold me while i sob. to bring me ice cream and french fries when i'm stuck at work for lunch. to be my biggest supporter and rejoice with me.

but deep down, i think we both know it can't be us in the end. the scars remain. you can put medicine and a bandaid on them, but they're still there. the ghosts of our pasts cast a dark shadow over our relationship that hasn't allowed it to be the same since. conversations don't flow as easily. it's harder to make eye contact when we run into each other in public.

it doesn't change much really. i'd still swim across the pacific to get to you. but it can't be us in the end. we've healed and moved on, but what if we end up doing the same thing to each other again? what if we've just grown too far apart? what if you have someone else you click better with?

i don't want to let go. i fall asleep dreaming about us every night, but when we walk past each other it's so difficult to even wave hi.

maybe my right person, wrong time turned into wrong person, wrong time.

[etherea1ity]

Hyun Joo Um on ig

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

AND YOU CALL ME UP AGAIN JUST TO BREAK ME LIKE A PROMISE

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

i want everyone to know that whatever your reason for staying alive, you're completely valid. i don't care if you think it's dumb, i think it's beautiful.

whether it's to wait for a book release, to outlive the queen because god forbid you die before that old hag, to check that thing off your bucket list, to keep saying hi to that guy in your math class on his way in, to keep your dog from being sad, to see the 49ers finally win another super bowl, to get to the next family party to see your favorite cousin, to eat your favorite food one more time, to see the season finale of your favorite show, to spite that shitty therapist who said you were "beyond help", to dance your heart out at your baby sister's sweet 16, to sit in the rain one more time, to wait for your favorite artist's album to be released, to be able to give people their christmas presents, to keep helping that old lady next door with her groceries, to see if they ever do a second season of squid game, to wait for that test score back, to wait for that amazon package to arrive, whatever it is. they're all completely valid and i love you all for it.

if anyone ever needs to talk, send me a message <3

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

oddly enough, i miss the way i would pine over your actions. the way i'd get excited every time that door opened, hoping you'd come to class that day. the way i'd check your spotify to see if maybe you were listening to a song that i had recommended. the way i'd always hope you would say hi to me first and start a conversation. oddly enough, now that we're done, you do that. you come to class and listen to songs i recommended and wave hi to me first. i almost miss it.

[thisis741]

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

reminder: aspects of the life that you're living today (whether it's your favorite foods, learning to drive, graduating, etc) are things 5 or 10 years ago, you only dreamed of

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

it’s ridiculous what you do to me. i get so flustered when i see you. when i hear your name, my heart skips a beat. when i post a story, i look through the viewers searching for your username. when i open spotify on my computer, i look at what you’re listening to. when i walk out of calculus, i look around for you in hopes that you’re by the table. when you send me a meme, i save it and use it somewhere you’ll hopefully see. you’re listening to war with heaven rn. i used it on my story yesterday and it was for you. are you so oblivious?

i remember the little things you tell me. how your car was gonna be a beat up old civic that you wanted to fix up with your cousin. how your favorite little cousin was named hunter. how you thought you stuttered a bit when you spoke. how you think your forehead looked especially big after your haircut. how you and your dad don’t talk much, but he’s still your biggest supporter. how you cleared your liked songs to 50 but ended up with 400 again a week later and think playlists are limiting. how you’re not allowed to date because you’re a momma’s boy. how you’ve never had your first kiss either because “i’m just the nice guy”

when will you understand that you’re so much more than that? you’re kind and funny and a great listener and i’m so lucky to have someone like you in my life and it’s so painful to know that i’ll never be more than a friend to you.

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

spotify activity

i hate this. not you of course; i could never. but i hate the not knowing. the constant self-doubt. the constant wanting to give up followed by spurts of hope like a charger that only works at that one angle. the constant worrying that there’s someone else and i’m only going to get my heart broken again. the constant worrying about if, by some miracle, you actually do like me, what happens next. the constant checking of your spotify activity because maybe you’re listening to your softly in love playlist and maybe i can imagine you’re thinking of me. the constant daydreaming of you until i’m snapped back into a cold reality where we’re nothing more than friends.

you never played with my hair. you never called just to hear my voice. you never were my first kiss. you never were my first slow dance. you never snuck out just to see me. you never took me on drives with no destination just to spend time together. you never held me as i cried. you never watched my favorite movies with me and judged them.

instead i’m here all alone. and all i have is your spotify activity.

god it’s embarrassing how much i love you.

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

"break my heart. break it a thousand times if you like. it was only ever yours to break anyway."

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

random writing prompt

a universe where you and your soulmate have matching tattoos that show up when you meet each other the first time.

one day you're talking to your best friend when the same tattoo appears on your hands, except both of you already had tattoos.

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

Patroclus

remember when thetis came to visit achilles and patroclus in the tent on the beach? she said that there was another prophecy, that the greatest myrmidon warrior would fall and achilles basically went "uh,,,,yeah i've known i was gonna die hello? keep up woman" and she said "no it happens to someone while you're still alive dumbass half mortal son" and they're just kinda like "huh, weird. goodnight babe" and brush it off like it was nothing

then cut to patroclus charging into battle as achilles. it's like achilles' strength and skill in battle has transferred to patroclus while wearing his armor, he speared a man so easily, and swept through flocks of them like his beloved would often do. and then patroclus, the clumsy exile who so often couldn't even speak fast enough, killed the great son of zeus, sarpedon, almost, if not equally, as feared as hector. nobody would've expected that out of the healer who was kind of just known as achilles' right hand man with slight homosexual implications.

patroclus was the greatest myrmidon.

myrmidon: a follower or subordinate of a powerful person, typically one who is unscrupulous or carries out orders unquestioningly.

what did patroclus say the whole time when he found out achilles was to die?

"i won't return from troy" "i'll follow soon after him" "hector must live so achilles can live so i can live"

what did patroclus do to achilles this whole story? took his hand and lied to peleus about his whereabouts in morning drills. went to achilles' bedchamber with him unknowingly. ran away from the castle he'd called home to learn from chiron. begged peleus for where thetis had taken him and sailed to scyros. knowing he couldn't fight or be of much help, went to troy anyways. mourned with thetis who etched his name into the grand monument and allowed him to escape to the underworld.

patroclus followed achilles everywhere. from the beginning, to the king's room, and to the end, into the underworld.

brb sobbing

[memigod]

Patroclus: The only thing fucking me really hard is life. Achilles: Not anymore.

[enteetea]

You know what the difference between Rick Riordan and JK Rowling is? Rick actually made a point to actually include more and more representation in every book he wrote while Jo just pretends like her books have always been more diverse than they actually are. That's why, even a decade after getting into both series, I have more respect for Riordan than I ever will for Rowling

[boogaraswheezingcoffee]

down So bad.

it’s so tiring to be pining over him, checking his spotify activity, suddenly not knowing how to act, wanting to say so many things but the words are stuck in your throat until you just suck it up and they’re left making origami butterflies in your stomach. i’m tired of it. he doesn’t want me but my brain won’t believe it.

i cringe every time i talk to him because i just know how it sounds. i turn into a pick me girl every time i’m around him because i can’t seem to act right. i can’t formulate sentences properly. i get louder, hoping he notices me. i hate myself for it.

i keep seeing 111 and things about being in a relationship soon and i know it’s not true. i know he isn’t going to show up with a bouquet of flowers on a bad day. i know he isn’t going to kiss me on the head and tell me i’ll be okay. i know he isn’t going to suddenly confess how he’s loved me since freshman year. i know he isn't going to plan some elaborate scheme with my friends to ask me out.

none of that is going to happen. but part of me is in such fucking denial and i can’t stand it. i’m exhausted.