let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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H3H3H3 H3LLO K4RKL3S 1 W4S WOND3R1NG 1F YOU WOULD L3T M3 T4ST3 YOUR BLOOD NOW? S1NC3 TH3 G4M3 1S OV3R >:]
OH SURE, LET ME JUST OPEN A VEIN FOR YOU. SHOULD I GET A SPOON OR DO YOU PREFER IT STRAIGHT FROM THE TAP?
THAT WAS SARCASM. THE ONLY BLOOD RED YOU’LL TASTE IS MY PULSING MUTANT BULGE, OR THE SHEDDING, FELT ASS OF THE SMUPPETS SURROUNDING ME EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
NOT THAT I’D EVER LET YOU CLOSE ENOUGH TO TRY, YOU DISGUSTING TEAL, VAMPIRE BARON-LESS.
(NO OFFENSE KANAYA.)
hEY, jUST WONDERING, iF i COULD BORROW YOU FOR A COLOSSALLY MINIMAL AMOUNT OF TIME, aND ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE ON SOMETHING,
I’M LISTENING.
(( yeah all your asks are showing up in all caps was that on purpose? ))
EVEN IF THIS GUN WORKED, I’D ONLY HAVE BROKEN MY HUSKTOP. NOT YOU.
IN THAT CASE, SINCE YOU ASKED SO NICELY AND THE SAD CONSENSUS FINDS YOU EASILY AVOIDING YOUR TERMINATION, I’LL HAVE TO SAY,
IT’S FOR THE IRONIES.
Hi Karkat! How do you like it here on Earth so far? Gotten used to the sun?
IT’S NOT EARTH I HAVE TO GET USED TO. IT’S THE STRIDER’S COMMUNAL HIVE UNIT. COMPARED TO THE REST OF EARTH, THIS PLACE IS THE SCARIEST. IT’S LIKE I STEPPED INTO THE TRICKSTER HORROROSCOPY VERSION OF ZAHHAK’S RESPITE BLOCK.
WITHIN TEN FEET FROM ME AT ALL TIMES, THERE’S A HUNDRED *BIZARRE* ITEMS I WANT TO PUT IN QUESTION.
WHAT USE IS A FAKE GUN?
WHAT’S THIS IRREGULAR HEAD-BOUNCER FOR?
YOU… COULDN’T PAY ME TO TOUCH THE SMUPPET.
hi karkat!! woooah i didnt know you were staying with dave :o i hope you guys arent having too much fun without me! hehehe we should all hang out some time soon! (and tell dave i said hi to him too! :) )
YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME?
DON’T LEAD ME A STRAY, HERE, HARLEY. I’M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE BITCHING ABOUT IT, BUT IT’S NOT EXACTLY LIKE YOU’VE SPOKEN TO ME MUCH SINCE THE GAME ENDED. THE EMBELLISHED EVIDENCE OF THIS FACT LAYS SOMEWHERE IN THE LACK OF KNOWLEDGE YOU HAVE ON MY WHEREABOUTS.
I’M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND ACT AS YOUR MESSENGER DOG.
I MEAN, MESSENGER CHIRPBEAST.
oh hey it's my blackmance. do a dance for me, nubs mcshouty.
THIS HAS BEEN A PRODUCTION BY THE CORPORATION OF KARKAT VANTAS, ONE MAN WONDER, PRODUCED FOR A STUDIO AUDIENCE OF IT’S A CRIME YOU EXIST. OFFICE HOURS ARE ETERNALLY UNAVAILABLE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
Karkat, what's your favorite human food?
THE PEPPERS ARE DECENT. ALL THAT’S BEEN AVAILABLE OTHER THAN MARSHMALLOWS AND THIS SWEET RED PEPPER HAS BEEN GROTESQUELY GREASY NOODLES AND SOMETHING THE HUMANS CALL “FAD FOOD.”
If you could change anything in your past, what would it be?
I WOULD GO BACK TO THE KARKAT FROM THIS MORNING AND GRIP THE FRONT OF HIS POOFY ASS TORSO-CLINGER, STARE HIM DEEPLY IN THOSE VOMIT INDUCING, NEON GIVEAWAY SPHERES AND TELL HIM,
"WHATEVER YOU’RE THINKING, DON’T DO IT,"
SO I COULD UNMAKE THIS POINTLESS BLOG.
What is it like being dead?
LET’S PLAY “GUESS WHO’S ABOUT TO FIND OUT.”
kk, ii would liike two know how your 2tay ii2 at dave2 hou2e. Not that ii really care or would liike two know.
HEY, SOLLUX. IT’S BETTER THAN BEING ON ALTERNIA, AT LEAST SOME OF THE TIME.
OH JOY. SPEAK OF THE FUCKING DEVIL.
sup
THIS IS THE ULTIMATE BULLSHITTERY I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ON A DAILY BASIS. NOW TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, YOU TELL ME.
What do you think of the other timeline Karkats?
YOU MEAN THE OTHER VERSIONS OF ME THAT ARE COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT NOW THAT THE GAME’S OVER? THEY’RE ALL PROBABLY SOMEWHERE INSIDE OF ME, BUT YOU DON’T *ACTUALLY* THINK IT MATTERS, DO YOU?
IT'S NOT EVEN FAIR HOW I'M BEING TREATED HERE. I COME TO GRACE THE STRIDER HOUSEHOLD WITH MY PRESENCE AND STAGGERING DECORUM, WHICH I INTENDED TO SMEAR OVER THE WALLS OF THIS SHIT HOLE LIKE THE BLOOD OF LAST NIGHT'S FEED.
I EXPECTED NO LESS THAN A FIRM BRO-FIST FROM THE KNIGHT OF TIME HIMSELF, TO WHICH THE GRANDEST CHORUS OF ANGELS WOULD BEGIN TO PERFORM THE MOST POWERFUL EAR-GASM THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. BUT OF COURSE WHAT I ENVISAGED COULD NEVER COME TO FRUITION.
THIS FUCKING DICK HAD TO PRANCE UPON ALL MY PLANS FOR THE PAST FOUR DAYS, FROM THE INSTANT I SHOWED UP UNTIL THIS *VERY* MOMENT. INSTEAD OF TREATING ME LIKE THE RADDEST THING FLOWN IN STRAIGHT OUT OF RAD TOWN, HE MADE ME SLEEP IN THIS WASTE BIN OF A WORK BLOCK, COMPLETE WITH NEEDLEWORK MACHINE AND AQUA DI DOUCHE SPRAYED ALL OVER THE GOD FORSAKEN PLACE.
HE GOES BY THE NAME OF BRO STRIDER.
A STUPID FUCKING NAME, IF YOU ASK ME.
AND SINCE I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN BREAK EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, YOU'RE WELCOME TO ENTERTAIN ME.
I SHOULD PROBABLY BE USED TO CAMERAS BY NOW. IT'S BEEN FOUR DAYS AND I'VE ALREADY BEEN ASSAULTED BY THEM ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS.
IN THE PAST, I WAS ALWAYS ON THE REVERSE SIDE OF THE LENS. HONESTLY, IF I COULD GO BACK, WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF HOW MUCH IT SUCKS TO BE THE FILMEE RATHER THAN THE FILMER, I PROBABLY WOULD'VE BEEN A MITE MORE BENIGN TOWARDS DAVE'S FRIENDS. THEY WERE MY CREATIONS, AFTER ALL.
OR MAYBE NOT. PAST ME *WAS* AN IDIOT.