A Personal Account For My Deepest Thoughts

It's an anonymous diary for the world to see

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

I wish the world would just end already

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

Maybe it would be easier if I wanted to die

But I don’t want to die I just want a life that isn’t a lie

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

I don’t want this life anymore

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

I cried myself to sleep one last time

But allowing them to hurt me is a crime

I may still care

But the love isn’t there

No longer will I let others like her make me feel easily replaceable

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

“After so many heartbreaks there’s nothing left to heal

Suddenly I’ve lost all ability to feel

Except for the guilt that’s constantly there

This agony and torture, it isn’t fair

I don’t know if I truly love them anymore

But just knowing that pains me to my core

I want so badly for amnesia to take my mind

So maybe then our lives won’t be intertwined

How do I know if I still love them or not

When love is a choice but can not be taught”

P.S. I want to choose me but at what cost

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

People are giving up on me and I know it’s my fault but it still makes me feel terrible

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

“Everyday there’s a new problem, a new fight

Sometimes I wish I could see the light

I think I’m getting better; then I go home

My soul aches for the freedom to roam

I’m waiting for the day that everything is fine

Lately my family makes me depressed

And thanks to anxiety I’m always stressed

But when will my life ever be mine”

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

“Will dehydration take my life

Will it come for my soul like a sharpened knife

The tears keep coming and I don’t know what to do

But the ones who should care don’t have a clue

I’m slowly starving but refuse to eat

Every month this happens on repeat

Except each time the pain only gets deeper

I’m waiting for the day I finally meet the reaper”

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

“All at once it came crashing down

I thought I could swim but all I do is drown

They say to relieve the pain I should cry

But the pain just won’t pass me by

Maybe it’s all a lie (just like happiness)”

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

“I wonder if the water bill spikes up on months I have emotional breakdowns

I like to drown out my tears in the scolding hot water

I guess I must be wasting it by the pounds

But it seems to happen monthly so my parents must not notice it’s the fault of their daughter”

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

I feel like my laughter isn’t genuine anymore

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

“I can’t even listen to that song without thinking of all the pain

It’s as if my love for her is the parade and that song is the rain”

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

“When I think back on the pain I’m taken back to Valentine’s Day

I was crying again because she left even though I thought she’d stay

No one could tell because the rain had consumed my tears

Unfortunately it couldn’t do the same to my fears

I went home feeling and looking a mess

But she won’t know because that’s something I’ll never confess

Telling her of my pain would only hurt her

So the choice is simple and pure

I’ll keep quiet and maybe learn to keep my distance

Hopefully my heart won’t put up any resistance”

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

“I’m the shell of a person I used to be

When I look in the mirror I try to find what I can no longer see”

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

You know things are bad when your period is the least of your problems

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

Being in a large group of white girls and white-washed girls has really taken a toll on my self esteem because I clearly don’t fit in

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings

[bookofmythoughtsandfeelings]

“It’s the feeling of going to sleep miserable and waking up feeling better except

Except in the morning the feeling miserable part isn’t gone

It’s still there but with a feeling of numbness

If I’m lucky enough to feel numb”

Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings