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@booksclassandyoga
ughhhh (4/19/16)
These past few weeks have been really crazy. I feel like I have so much going on and I just need a break. I’m ready to go home and be with my family and the new puppy! I’m trying to force myself to keep trucking- 10 more days and I’m done. It’ll be all good. But then I have to start stressing about getting a job and getting money and shit. I’m going to work on mapping out my summer goals soon enough. Talk to you soon!
TO DO
Post 1: 307
Proposal draft! 320
Paper 2 draft: 313
Expectation log: 315
1/27/16
This has been a very, very rough week. Once again, I am having extreme stress in my living situation and the hard truth is it’s taking time to go through the right channels to try and get it taken care of. They have been trying to help me as much as possible and I am in a place (physically) that I feel a lot safer now, but the whole thing leaves me feeling very low and very emotional.
God gives you things for a reason, and I believe he gave me this for a reason. I am trying to claw myself through the anxiety because I can’t afford to shut down. I am not going back there. My life is too important and I have worked too hard.
I am going home tomorrow, and then the weekend will be great. I just need to get through the night and two classes and go home.
I’m just gonna keep praying on this and thinking positively. You attract back to yourself what you put out in the universe. Please send me good things, world.
1/20/16
JUST APPLIED FOR AN ON CAMPUS JOB THAT COULD BE PERFECT FOR ME. I’m literally so excited.
the fact that I even went for it is a big deal, even if I don’t get it. This is a good step towards helping myself. Having a routine will be good for my anxiety- plus will alleviate anxiety about money! Plus I need to get ready for working full time this summer...
I really am trying to manifest good things. I checked job postings on a whim, and this seems like it was made for me. God leads where you’re supposed to follow!
Fingers crossed, guys. Wish me luck.
1/19/16
Today was a great day.
Housing, financial services and bank stuff are all taken care of for next year. Hopefully I get what I asked for, but it’s out of my hands. I was literally praying about it when I was filling it out and turning everything in. I talked to the people and I seemed to have a decent shot at least because I was one of the first people turning it in and it’s first come first serve.
Classes today went great. I’m trying to start this semester strong, and that includes being really active in my classes and speaking up as much as possible. I want to build good relationships this semester, not only with professors but with other students in my classes. I can already tell this is going to be a lot to juggle, but I believe in myself. If my stress levels are too high, I already made a mental note to USE counseling services. I’m just nervous about actually going.
I also want to get more involved in events on campus this semester. I’m dedicating myself to start going to the craft club and today was the first night of that and it was great. It was fun to decorate all my school stuff and I know pretty things will help motivate me later on when I need to study. I also want to start going to the movie showings regularly and maybe the coffee house thing they host. We’ll see soon.
I have big ambitions this semester, so let’s kick it in the ass!
Good things are coming. Let’s manifest the shit out of 2016.
12/12/15
Coming up on finals week and it’s time to make it count: You’ve worked too hard all semester to just give up now. I know you’re tired, and you’d rather fuck around on omegle or tumblr or online shopping or whatever, but a little hard work now and then you will LITERALLY have a month for whatever at home. God, I almost wish omegle would flag me as spam or something and give me a catchpa so I would have no choice but to do my work and study guides.
Last night was spent trying to study over in the community building with a friend. It went all right, but honestly probably damaged my sleep cycles more than anything I gained from studying. Besides, it was just really awkward bc the friend I was studying with is SO DISTRACTING and she kept telling people where we were working and they would wander through and be loud AF. I ended up just going home way before her at like 230 bc I was getting to annoyed and I was ready to call it a night. Didn’t get into bed until 4 AM though, bc 1 roomie was still up (??) and she just wanted to chat and shit. Trying to be a nice person and I wanna be friends so I was stuck there. Still have bs drama going on but I’m ignoring it. I have finals, I didn’t do anything wrong, and I literally do NOT CARE. BYE. That’s all I will say on the subject.
Craving biscuits so bad last night,so I pop open my premade ones and get ready to go and ... the oven’s not heating up. >.> Weird how stuff breaks and I’m the only one who will move their ass to put a maintenance form in to fix it. >.> ANYWAYS. Ended up having to split them all in halves and cook them in a frying pan! Yup. It worked, but they aren’t as good as baked ones. Wouldn’t do that again unless I had to bc no oven.
Feeling pissy so I’m trying to just get some much need solitude today. Parked in my room studying and probably taking a SUPER long shower later. Self care is a need, not an indulgence.
to do list [12/7/15]
> 312 paper.
*this needs to kick ass. Seriously you can’t do this last minute
* pick a short story. re- read it and take notes bc you need to know ur shit.
*get thesis and rough outline together & email prof for feedback
*rough draft due thur ( 12/10) for peer review and 1 on 1 w/ prof
> Clean for h&s
* Wednesday night!
*Downstairs trash & recycle
*shower
*bedroom (hide candles and shit)
> reading for 312
* Af Amer picture gallery online ( read feb & march)
December Goals:
12/2/15
* Kick finals in the ass
*remain in touch w/ class friends (get phone numbers/ fb info)
* Christmas Presents!
*start looking at temp jobs for winter break??
*get into regular skincare/ hair care routine
*start dry brushing again!
*text books for next semester
*work out study schedule (10 library hours a week? )
*gym/yoga schedule (3-4x a week?)
*look into the website blocking software thing.. (You need to focus on papers, not social media.)
*Get sleep schedule back on track! ( was doing so good! I don’t know what happened.)
10/26/15
Today I am choosing to be grateful for so many things. Yes, I'm frustrated about certain circumstances but I'm looking over it and just trying to go with the flow. The weather is beautiful. I love the fresh air of fall. My classes were fun and we had good discussions. The readings were great. I had pasta marinara and green beans for dinner and a black bean and hummus and veggie pita for lunch. I had enough free time today to catch up on my show. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good day as well. Mantra of the moment: Today will be what it is. I will be who I am. And there will be beauty in both.
10/21/15
It's been a rough couple weeks. I'm pretty excited to be able to to home this weekend because things have just seemed to be getting worse and worse and I know I'm struggling. Just when I think I've gotten it together, the other shoe drops on me. It's just really exhausting to try to play catchup all the time. I'm just busy and trying to stay afloat. Honestly, this has been an eye opener- I need to make myself a priority. Academic work doesn't define me, it is ok to have failures. Taking care of myself is important, and that means taking breaks and getting rest and good food. Mantra of the moment: "Whatever comes, let it come. Whatever stays, let it stay. Whatever goes, let it go." Deep breaths, snacks and naps will get me through anything. 💟💟💟
Oddly enough the thing that motivates me the most when thinking about doing something like skipping a class or not doing my homework is having to explain and justify that failure to my mom. Like she’s worked too damn hard for me to have these opportunities for me to throw it away because I’m lazy or I’d rather sleep. Same with calling home. My family kicks my ass into gear every time without even realizing it. Now off to do some reading and work on my rough draft for my 312 class.
9/27
> When you have all your reading done and even have a head start on later assignments and you made a really delicious dinner (intentionally with big enough portions that you won’t have to worry about half your meals this week!) and your life feels kind of together because you actually had a super motivated and productive weekend for once !!!
:D :D :D
hell yeah adulting win
Only thing on the agenda today is getting reading done for all my classes. One of the things I am trying to become better at is increasing my productivity. In an effort to do this, I have started making a ‘rule’ that studying should be mostly done out of by bedroom/ house. That means going somewhere else on campus which makes me more productive and energized and less likely to scroll through tumblr instead of doing my work. I have a bad habit of being a terrible procrastinator and pushing HUGE things off until the very last minute and then I make myself sick with anxiety. Not this year. I am committed to improving that quality about myself. I will limit tumblr, internet and rp time in an effort to focus on my school career. Updating here counts but I also it consider it a bit of self care for my mental health. It is good to have a diary format journal like this to keep myself accountable in my studies and social and personal life. Also I can look back to see what things worked for me and possible stressers and such.
Day went better than expected :)
I SURVIVED MY 830! I am so proud of myself today. I have done so many productive and positive things. I finally rented the last of my books. I went to both my classes. I got my password reset and finally took care of an important email I had been putting off. Cleaned the kitchen up after I made myself a delicious dinner. I still had leftover soup but I had it for lunch and decided to make something else. (Good thing is though I have enough leftovers for another meal tomorrow!) I keep surprising myself with how many food combinations you can make (that are nutritious and still yummy) out of a limited pantry and food storage situation. So far I’ve made: Eggs and toast, grilled chicken and veggies on lettuce salad, baked potatoes, roast chicken and veg with noodles, chicken stir fry with rice and spring rolls, cereal, beef and veg soup and today I had ginger chicken wrap with rice and shredded veggies. You can really customize tastes with the help of spices and dressings. Pretty content so far. Today was a good day. I didn’t go to the gym, but my legs are very sore from walking and the last few gym sessions. Hoping to stick to my goal of 5 days a week though! Now just to finish up the last of my readings and tidy up the bedroom space. I should probably put up another poster or something, too.
First day of classes is over. Went pretty well, if I do say so myself. However, I’m realizing that my apartment is actually a much father walk from everything than I thought. Today I forgot my wallet and had to hustle across campus 2x to make sure I could get my books used and afford ably for my two english classes today. I found out I have the same professor for both of my classes and he seems really nice/ great at leading the class. However, it’s apparent that he expects 100%- Already have been assigned good sized readings from both classes. Later, I went to the gym halfheartedly even though its soooo hot out here and honestly only stayed for half the time I meant to. Right now I’m so sleepy but I should start on at least some of the readings and I need a shower. I have an 8:30 tommorow.. Yikes. Need to go to bed early tonight for sure. Had two good meals today, so I’m proud of myself for making sure I get all my calories/ nutrients.
Year three, lets go.
Moved back in for my third year. Not too sure how I’m feeling mentally about it. Overwhelming is the first thing that comes to mind, even though I’m mindlessly bored and lonely as there is nothing to do yet. Trying to stay positive!
Met up with a good friend today for a long walk around campus and a show. Had a snack together and lots of conversation. Definitely what I needed. I have to remember that quality time and fresh air are always good for improving my mood! My mindset is so much better afterwards- I also made a surprisingly good dinner for myself in just twenty minutes and made enough that I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. At first I was having doubts about being totally dependent on myself for cooking all my meals- I’ve always heavily relied on a meal plan before but I like cooking. It brings me joy and I enjoy having complete control over my meals. I’m slowly growing more confident in myself :D