exorcise my mind

my coping mechanism for bpd

[borderlain]

im in the midst of the episode where i desperately want and need to completely change my personality to have a fresh start but im so tired of doing that so i just exist

[borderlain]

being called egoistic while having bpd is the worst because this word hurts so bad when you know how much you actually don’t give a shit about yourself

[rotttinggoblin]

It’s so weird typing out a message when you’re having a split. You don’t feel any of what is it you’re saying, and instead of just naturally including “!”, “:-)”, etc. you realize your words are void of emotion, so you throw one in, even though there’s nothing behind it

[polyinmypocket]

do u ever feel awful and suicidal and sad and want to tell someone bc you know in your heart they care and want to help but you ALSO know that you just did this same thing yesterday and the day before and you know they’re getting tired of it and thus if you talk to someone they will eventually stop caring bc you’re just the friend who cries wolf but you just want help and don’t know how to get it

[yesbpdbabe-deactivated20210115]

one of the biggest struggles of being borderline, at least in my experience, is that i hate the idea of using my disorder as an excuse.

i don’t think that a lot of people realize that having a personality disorder means that EVERYTHING i do is because of that disorder. every emotion and behavior comes from it, and i have to actively correct and change my responses and cognitions regularly to keep myself in line.

so it’s hard, because you spend your whole life trying to function normally, because you CAN if you really really try. and people are okay with you having bpd, until you actually present a symptom. but if i get irrationally angry, i can’t say “it’s because i have bpd,” because it will come off as an excuse, even though that’s honestly why. i don’t KNOW why i’m so upset about this, i don’t KNOW why my mood dropped so quickly or why i want to die on days when nothing bad has happened. the only response is because i’m borderline.

but it’s just an excuse, or people think it’s a crutch, and so you have this diagnosis that explains everything about you, but you can’t use it to explain why you do things. not the way that you can explain that you’re sneezing so much because you have a cold, or you can’t eat ice cream because you’re lactose intolerant. those actions or avoidances are because of health problems that people are okay with. you explain that this is why you are doing or not doing something, and they’re grateful to have an explanation. but it’s not like that for us. we suffer in silence so we aren’t seen as manipulative or just unwilling to change. and it isn’t fair.

[womanism]

having an fp isnt a good thing. being emotionally dependent on someone so much that them looking at you wrong (or perceived to be) sends you into a depressive, self mutilative episode isnt cute, fun, or good. sorry to break it to you.

[bpdmoth]

Me @ 3am, having my 283th identity crisis of the day: I should learn Japanese

[gothmothic]

intrusive thoughts before going to sleep? more like the preview for tonight’s nightmares

[bpd-no-thx]

i do impulsive things that get me into interesting/funny/bad situations so i have stories to tell people and that seems to fool them into thinking i have a personality and aren’t actually just an amalgamation of self-destructive behaviors

[khlebkoshk88-blog]

List reasons why you don’t need *them* anymore

I’m having trouble not going back into a relationship that isn’t healthy soooo I wanna start a post where people just add reasons why not to go back/talk to *them*. Hopefully this helps me and others who feel tempted to go back….

I’ll start:

It won’t be any different than the last time

It’s not healthy for either of us

It’ll hurt again after the “honeymoon phase”

[borderlain]

impulsively spammed my fp asking for help and something to hold on to, right after that same person called my fear of being left alone with intrusive thoughts “childish” and proceeded to ignore the fact that i’m on the edge

[borderlain]

.

[sunbathe]

https://www.instagram.com/p/BqZVvp3FlmD/

[borderlain]

it has come to a point where i get a bpd episode in my dream which ends up in me waking up at 4 am still in that episode

[eldritchpuppie]

i wish i didn’t go above and beyond for people who do the bare minimum in return

[borderlain]

you belong to me by taylor swift and make me wanna die by the pretty reckless are the only two moods i have

[friendofknight]