Ostranenie

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[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Dear Brandon,

Though I haven’t been in touch in a long time, thank you for always remembering my name -- thank you for making me feel valued. The short time we had together during sixth grade made me feel so much better about the person I am (even to this day).

I’ll keep this short and sweet. Thank you for continually touching people’s hearts ever since you transferred to Peak to Peak. That school, your family, and your friends were so blessed to have such an amazing, God-driven man like you.

I thought I’d said a proper goodbye the last time I saw you at church... I didn’t. I didn’t know this was to come. It pains me that you’ve left this world so suddenly.

You were a good guy. Really. I mean it. Though it’s so unbelievable that you’re gone, I’ll forever keep you in my heart. When your name crosses my mind, all I think of is the kindness you have shared with the people around you. I’m grateful that God did us the favor of getting to know you. You were a gift. Thank you.

Thank you for setting an example -- the guy who spread God’s love like a wildfire. You’ve touched so many lives. As the people who loved you, we will continue your legacy and be kind to everybody and love one another. We’ll hope that when it’s our turn to meet you up in heaven, we’ve left the world a little better than it is -- just like what you did.

Rest in peace, Brandon. You will be missed. Tell God hello for me, okay?

Love, AMPen

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

confused...

Hey all! I’m not sure what to address today...

This last week was a wild ride for me... Do you ever feel like you’re traversing the hills and valleys of emotion? Seriously... I wish I could stay steady for at least one day. Some days, I’d be on top of the world, ready to conquer what’s coming towards me and create that future I want for myself. My optimism rides high. Nothing can stop me.

Still... There’s those dreaded days where I’m completely paranoid about what’s going to happen and inertly criticize myself for every single move I make (especially since school’s started...). There’s times where I lose nearly all control of how I feel and hate the way that I am. What’s the point of going to school when I feel like people could be so much better off without me?

Don’t worry... I love myself. I just get tired being a beacon of sunshine sometimes. I don’t wish to lose that sunshine on purpose.

Last week... I hated myself for being such a coward -- the one who cares for the people she loves but is afraid she’d be annoying if she let them know. Immediately I leave my phone behind because the thought of bothering a friend with a text haunts me. My throat shuts down when I’m called on to answer something in class. My heart beats a little too fast and my hands shake uncontrollably once I’m actually in a conversation I thought I could handle. I hate when the only reason I can’t finish what I need to is the fact that I’m so ready to sleep and disappear from the world for a few hours.

I thought I was okay, then I wasn’t. How am I able to handle a life of my own when I can’t escape the storm in my head?

Maybe you’ve felt this way before -- when the blanket of insecurity chokes you at the throat. Somehow, we find some way to put so much blame on our own soul and personality. It’s not a bad thing -- it’s a sign that you are human.

Whoever you are in this world, you are loved. You aren’t as annoying as you think. Even though I myself have a hard time believing I’m a human being with a purpose on this planet, let me tell you this -- you were created for a reason. You were born to serve a huge purpose in other people’s lives. Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?

Love, AMPen

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Greetings, Tumblr! My schedule has been pretty full lately so that's why I didn't post on Friday, however I think future Fridays will be less busy, so I will try my best to post on my days. Today is my fifth day at Ravencrest, and I love it!! It already feels like home, and the people here already feel like family. Everything about Ravencrest is perfect. It's located on a mountainside above Estes Park, so if you look out the window of the top floor of the chalet, you'll get a gorgeous view of the whole city and mountains surrounding us. The nature and wildlife here almost makes me feel like a princess... everything is so calming and beautiful (luckily there aren't too many bugs), and I even saw a few deer and an actual real live bear a couple days ago. Amazing! I have not had any kind of defining moment in my faith since I got here, but I feel peace in knowing that God picked each and everyone of us here to be here at this particular Bible school at this particular time. We all have different reasons for being here, but God has brought us together for a very special reason, so I look forward to becoming closer to all my classmates. I am so happy I picked this school to go to because it's perfect. I'm 45 minutes away from home, but it's far enough that I feel like I can get away from everything. This is the perfect place to just pause and spend time with Jesus. If you're at all a lover of mountains, nature, wildlife, or Jesus, or if you're a hipster (seriously, this place is so hipstery), then Ravencrest is absolutely the place to be!! Lots of love, Emma

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Hey guys

It's ab master and I'm sorry to report, but I need to go AWOL for a while

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

I don't have too much to report, but today I ditched classes (yes I love Jesus and skipped school, cool it I have reasons- and NOT rebellious ones) to go to the aquarium instead with my older sister who decided that she wanted to do exactly that today. I gotta say, I love my sister Hope. She and I used to fist fight when we were little until someone would bleed (I usually won, I'm scrappy as heck) and our parents would peel us apart. My dad sat us down one day a few years down the road when she entered highschool and said, "one day, you won't have your mom and dad anymore. You'll just have each other. But if you keep pushing each other away and fighting, you'll be alone. You see, friends come and go, but your sisters? You're stuck with them. She can be your best friend if you let her." She started writing me letters about a year or so afterwards- telling me that she loves me, that she's sorry, that she hopes we can get better. I'd hide the letters as soon as I found them. They just made me so mad... SHE just made me so mad. I stayed that way until I came back to Jesus really. (There was quite the spans of time where I was deeply depressed and blinded by anger towards God... But that's a different story) Slowly she and I became friends. She started falling into abusive relationships- whether with boys that actually attempted to kill her or with substances to numb her own hurt and anger- and I started to take notice. Eventually, she hit her senior year and all of her "friends" abandoned her, boys didn't satisfy her, her popularity was fleeting and my dad was right. Her friends left her and my only true friend decided having sex and hanging on an abusive boyfriend was better than me. Then it dawned on us, we only had each other. We were it. Fast forward to today, we are best friends. We cry the same tears and feel the same pain over my mothers rejection of the both of us. We both support each other in our journeys of faith and purpose- I support her in her dream of competitive bodybuilding swimsuit competitions, she supports me in my missionary work and worship performance. We look out for each other. We care for each other. We pray for each other. Well... We love each other is what I'm getting to really. This is all to follow up my post last week. There is healing a reconciliation for the rejected and broken-hearted. Relationships and hearts can be mended. It takes time, yes, but time isn't what heals... Jesus is. Keep kickin' it Ab master who is finding she isn't as great and powerful as she thought

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

“If you must blink, do it now.”

Hello again! I hope you are having a fantastic Labor Day weekend.

To celebrate, yesterday, my family and I went to see the movie “Kubo and the Two Strings.” As any animated movie that I see, it didn’t cease to impress me.

The stop motion animation was phenomenal. The combination of stop motion and digital effect made all the action the most intense that it can be. From the movement of one’s hair in the wind to the slither of a giant snake, each frame had the quality of an artistic masterpiece.

The twists and turns of the plot really had me in for a ride! Oh, it was so well thought out. Yet, what impressed me most was the moral of this plot -- that you are the writer and hero of your own story, and that a hero lives forever so long as it is remembered.

In a culture such as this one, the dead are honored with their stories and how they have provided for their community. The importance of keeping a story alive is what appealed to me most. At the mysterious opening scene, we hear Kubo, our hero, explain that, “If you must blink, do it now. Pay careful attention to everything you see and hear no matter how unusual it may seem. And please be warned: if you fidget, if you walk away, if you forget any part of what I tell you, even for an instant, then a hero will surely perish.”

This movie is full of faith, honor, adventure, and finding one’s true self. Let’s translate its lessons to reality. You are your own hero -- and nobody else can write your story for you. What will you make of your own story?

Love, AMPen

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Last Friday of the summer!

At first I thought I had nothing to blog about, but then I realized that today is the last Friday of my summer, so I’ll talk about my whole summer and how awesome and crazy it was.

I graduated in what seemed like a blink of an eye, then my family and I moved out of our house pretty soon afterward. Moving out of that house was probably one of the top three toughest things I’ve ever had to deal with in my life, and that’s because even though I knew God had it all under control, I loved that house very much. We’d been living in it for seven years, so it’s not the house I grew up in, but I often say it’s the house I matured in. It’s where my eyes were opened to the beauty of the world, where I grew the most, and where I discovered what I was passionate about. The version of me a year ago today probably wouldn’t believe anyone who told her that her family would be moving out of our house and moving to Texas in a year. We all thought we’d stay in that house forever because there was no need to move, but we were wrong!

After that, my dream of going to California and Disneyland came true. I got to see where the Oscars (my favorite awards show) is held, check “go to a wax museum” off my bucket list, meet Peter Pan, Alice and the Mad Hatter, and finally go to a beach... okay, for realsies, going to the beach is one of my favorite highlights of the summer. It was gorgeous and magical and PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!!

Right after I got back from California, I went to the Denver Comic Con and met/got an autograph from Hayley Atwell, who plays Peggy Carter in Captain America, and I met/got an autograph from Vic Mignogna (a voice actor for anime), who, I must say, is one of my favorite people on earth because he is so, so, so sweet and sincere and funny and friendly. He is a fellow Christian, so I made sure to tell him that my sister and I (since we both love him) appreciate so, so much that he stands up for his faith. Seriously guys, he’s such an amazing human being. Just watch this... I am just so glad I got the opportunity to speak to him because despite the yelling in the video, he is such a sweet, sweet person... Anyway, I also found a love for collecting art. Guys, I spent aaallll my money on art. It’s bad... but I love my art!

After that, I said goodbye to my dad and my dogs, whom I love very much, so that was definitely hard for me. I could handle being away from my dad since he would go away on trips sometimes and because I can talk to him on the phone, but I’m finding it hard to handle the fact that my puppies are far away and I can’t see them for a few months at a time. My dogs are my babies; my life; so I miss them A LOT. Warning: if you have a dog that looks anything like my dogs, I guarantee I will come pet them and wish I could steal them (not really).

About three weeks later, my mom and brother left. No one cried, which is the craziest thing because my mom gets super emotional and my brother is my best friend. I miss them, but there’s always phone calls and FaceTime!

Ever since they left, I’ve been figuring out how to be more self-dependent, how to organize my future, and what kind of person I want to be. I’d say everything’s been going well so far... being independent is fun!

And here I am now, less than a week until I go to Ravencrest and I’ve still got a lot to do, but looking back, I am so happy and grateful for how this summer turned out for me. The summer of 2016 has definitely been the biggest summer of my life, and I’m looking forward to more amazing summers!!

Lots of love,

Emma

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

My testimony of this life season

I'm posting this for someone who believes they are alone and unwanted and rejected. This is for you. I'm in the same boat. As I've mentioned before, my parents divorced this summer. I never in my wildest dreams thought that divorce was THAT hard. Admittedly, when a friend or peer went through it, I kinda thought they were being over dramatic. I mean, two birthdays, two Christmases, two thanksgivings, two rooms to yourself, if you do something bad at one house then the other parent would never have to know... I mean... It seemed almost nice. Holy god I can't even begin to explain how wrong I was. It's a death. Plain and simple. Relationships are organisms, marriage is the highest point in the hierarchy of relationships. I've been through a lot, really I have; I've been through abuse (which now renders me fearful of affectionate touch), two bouts of depression, a suicide attempt at the age of 9, anxiety I'm battling now, abandonment, and so so much more... And I gotta say that this is the hardest thing I've endured so far. In fact, right now I'm choosing not to live with my mom. For years she hasn't really been 'herself'. As it turns out, she's had a secret boyfriend (over text) for 3 years and has decided she would rather have him than to love me and work on our relationship. That level of rejection from a woman you're promised will cherish, nurture, and treasure you feels like someone placing a white hot coal where your heart should be all while smiling and saying to you "I love you. I love you. I promise I love you." I could go on, but I say this to let you know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are PRICELESS. you are VALUED. You are MEANINGFUL. You are A TREASURE with a worth so high it's unfathomable. I promise you. I promise. Please, you reading this, you are not alone. Ab master

[studysexcoffee-deactivated20170]

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Happy Thursday, I'll be comin' at you with a testimony later today

😜 Ab master the great and powerful

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Hey!

Who else misses summer? I sure do. I miss having a lesser sense of responsibility and having the time to be me. Yet, time goes on doesn’t it? We’re back in our hectic schedules and whatnot.

Here’s my message for you -- Whatever you are going through at this point in your life, I BELIEVE IN YOU!

You’re a unique, awesome, beautiful human being that is worth more than numbers. Whoever you are, keep being awesome! Whatever you wish to accomplish can be done as long as you believe!

Sure, life knocks us down sometimes. Yet, I have the greatest faith that you can get back up again and do your thing! Don’t worry -- you’ll get through this. You are loved and cherished by someone super special -- God to be exact! He’s got your back. I got your back. Everybody’s watching you grow and rock this life!

Whoever you are, I just want to say that you are awesome and can overcome all obstacles in your way. You are a light in this world. You can do this!

Love, AMPen

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Hey again!

Hi guys! It’s Emma! Sorry I haven’t said anything for a few weeks; I’ve been slacking... hehe.

What have I got to update you on? Well pretty much, I left my job because of school coming up in a couple weeks and I’ve been trying to be productive with my last few weeks of summer. Everything is good, but as the start of school comes closer, I grow more nervous. If I haven’t mentioned it before, I will be attending a bible school in Estes Park, CO called Ravencrest. I am excited, but how could I not be nervous? This is totally new for me, and right now I feel like I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. But one thing I do know is that even though I’m feeling a bit aimless and confused at the moment, this is all part of God’s plan for me. He told me to go in this direction, so I am. That’s what makes it so exciting! If you know it’s coming from God, you know it’s gonna be good!

Lots of love,

Emma

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Yoooo

Man have we been inactive. Still alive I promise. Really really.

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Stories are beautiful -- so are you.

Recently, I picked up a book that I let collect dust on my bookshelf for years -- “The Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. It’s been a favorite of mine since I got it for my birthday eight years ago -- I find pieces of myself in the Little Prince and the Aviator. I think all dreamers can find a little of themselves in this beautiful story.

The Aviator and the Little Prince both emphasize their thoughts about the ‘grown-ups’ -- the older people that merely only cared about numbers. They viewed the Aviator’s depiction of a boa constrictor eating an elephant as a hat -- they had no imagination. The Little Prince himself encounters several versions of grown-ups that he hated, like the Vain Man and the man who did nothing but count stars. Grown-ups can be so peculiar. What makes growing up so fun when you lose your ability to imagine?

As a kid, I’d always get some weird responses when I answered those questions every child gets asked. What’s your favorite color? Yellow! More people than I’d like would wrinkle their nose at the fact. What do you want to be when you grow up? An author! Grown-ups smile a very fake smile and mumble something about finding a career that was more financially stable. Like the Little Prince, I wasn’t very stoked about my future as a grown-up. For some time, I even suppressed my love for reading and writing into a talent I wished I didn’t have.

Yet, despite this world of black-and-white, the end of the book provides a glimmer of hope -- like the comfort the Little Prince gets knowing that if he waited, the sun will rise once again. My favorite quote is, “Growing up isn’t the problem. Forgetting is.” Yes, time reveals the sad reality of growing up -- paying bills, getting a job, and working hard to simply earn the money one needs to survive. Yet, if we never forget our inner child, our creative, imaginative ways, and the little things that make us happy, the numbers that burden us will not wear us down as adults.

I’m not afraid to grow up. Nothing will stop my from writing, dreaming, and loving the color yellow. Don’t let the strain of time separate you from the unique, wonderful person you are.

Love, AMPen

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Change in my personal plans...

Tumblr fam, today was technically my first day of college. Yup. I was supposed to be a senior this year, but God last minute flipped my world upside down. A week before school started at my highschool, problems arose and I wasn't allowed to go back, and I had too many credits to have a senior year. So to keep a long story short, here I am, little ab master at 17 years of age to be the youngest At all of her college classes. This ride is about to get exceptionally more wild, feel free to send prayers my way 😅

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Dear Summer,

It is time that summer and I part ways. Tomorrow, I jump back into that routine I’ve known for years -- get up at six, go to school from eight to three, and come home to crash and get some homework done. Here I am again, signed up for four AP classes (my stomach churns at the thought of this school year), hoping I won’t suffer as much as last year.

Thank you for the hot, summer nights and the many chances I’ve had to spend with my family. This break was a nice one, but alas, I have to let go of you.

Here comes the crisp early mornings and the groggy drives down Nelson. Here comes the seemingly overbearing bonds I have with time -- deadlines. Here comes the unreasonable anxiety that rises in my chest when I overthink my future. Here comes colder mornings and earlier nights.

Though I won’t be seeing you again until next year, this parting is very much bittersweet. I’m starting to meet up with Fall again, and she’s telling me that everything will be fine. I can’t linger in the same place in time forever.

Thank you for the great time. I’ll see you next year.

Love, AMPen

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

For your acts of kindness, you could pay it forward at the grocery store! People, especially senior citizens, greatly appreciate when you buy their order. But if you think that might get too expensive, you could pay it forward at a coffee shop.

That sounds like such an awesome idea! We’ll definitely take that into consideration. ;) Thanks so much for the suggestion!

-AMPen

[boundlesslyextraordinary]

Yo it's Thursday which means your weekly fill of Ab Master We haven't been too active this week as a group, but I'm here to tell you what some of our future plans are (and hopefully my smolder will persuade you?) The 5 of us have been planning a get together to go forth and do random acts of kindness as a group of 5 phenomenal bloggers with a collective heart for positivity. Here's where you come in: Give us suggestions. Have a place we can volunteer? Have an idea of a random act of kindness (i.e. Giving out flowers, compliments)? No suggestion is stupid and the ask box is open for suggestion And if I haven't persuaded you, please look at the above smolder again^^^ -ab master the master of the smolder