Sea green hues looked up at their company again, her forehead frowned slightly. She
had been asked the question, how are you doing, several times now. Her answer was
fine, but it was never true. And truthfully? She didn’t want to think about the real answer
to the question. She couldn’t. Not without having another nervous breakdown, probably.
So fine was a lie, but it was also easy and a lot less complicated. The only complicated
she could handle in her life right now were the knots she made in her rope.
“I don’t,” she answered truthfully. “I’m glad, though, that you seem
to be alright.” She smiled at the victor in front of her, or she tried to
produce a smile at least. She couldn’t help but feel guilty.
Guilty, because as much as this was his rebellion, he had never actually intended
to rebel against the Capitol, whereas Johanna and her, and Haymitch and Beetee,
and most of the others, did. And now he lost Peeta the same way she lost Annie. The
loss killed her from inside, ate her alive; she was guilty of this loss, her own loss, too.
“Yea,” she nodded, glad to have a subject to talk about and to hold
onto for a bit. “I’m used to Four’s climate - well, you’ve been there
last year, you know what it’s like. I guess everything is cold compared
to Four,” she shrugged her shoulders. “I really miss being outdoors.
Have you been out at all since we got here?”
The reluctance in her eyes was understandable. He hadn’t given her a truthful answer
either so why would he deserve one in return? It was a question that needed to be asked
because, even if she didn’t want to talk about it, he knew she wasn’t okay. Nobody here
cared about that. They just wanted them to be okay enough to use for their rebellion.
Anger flared deep within him, heating him from the inside out but as his eyes met her
raw fingers that tangled with the rope, it faded, dissipating as quickly as it came.
“I don’t either,” he replied, a small smile pulling at his lips. “I’m lucky and
that’s what helps.” He knew having Prim and his mother made him lucky.
Still, he didn’t have Peeta and Francis didn’t have Annie. They were both missing the
person that seemed to know them and understand them. Instead, they were stuck in a
District hellbent on rebellion, something he had caused and it cost him Peeta. As soon
as he thought of Peeta, stuck in the Capitol, he had to stop. There was no saying what
they were doing to him. Or Annie. Another thought he had to keep to himself.
He smiled, almost able to remember the warmth of the seaside District. “It
was nice there. Did it even snow there in the Winter?” District Twelve may
have had warm summers but the freezing winters were the worry. “No, not
yet. I’ve only just been cleared to leave the infirmary. Do you think they’ll let
us out at all?”