BipolarApostate

[bpapostate]

Hi! This is BipolarApostate. My original blog got terminated, so I'm trying to find and preserve my stuff on this blog. I've sent a support ticket to try and get it back, since I wasn't given any reason or prior warning for it's deletion, but I'm not sure when or if it will ever be back up. So for now, I'm going to be here.

[bpapostate]

I'm finishing this character study of Sam Winchester and his relationship to violations, and as such I'm wondering what scenes in the later seasons (S8+) you guys would see as the major ones regarding lack of bodily autonomy/violations? I have my own thoughts, but I would love to hear other peoples opinions on this as well. What scenes come to mind for you as especially violating and/or as symbols of lack of autonomy?

[sharedblood]

sam winchester commission by LopiChi

[adaav]

Sam Winchester 12x16

[bipolarapostate]

He didn't miss the best part (bending Sam over).

[bpapostate]

"Sam and John's constant fighting is a sign that they are similar." I hate to be the one to break it to you, but two people fighting or arguing all the time does not mean they are similar. In most cases, it means the opposite. The only times where arguing is a sign of similarity is when it's caused by a clash of ego's (they want the same thing) or a mutual projection of flaws (they hate the other for something they also do). But that's clearly not why Sam and John argue. Sam and John argue because they have fundementally different values, needs, desires and ways of seeing the world. They constantly argue because they are different. And honestly, the idea that if you stand up to someone who is mistreating you, you are somehow acting just like them, needs to die already.

[bipolarapostate]

You know what drives me fucking crazy to think about? The fact that when Sam comes back from the cage, no one close to him thanks him for his sacrifice or tells him that what he did was brave and noble and good. He gets his soul back and Bobby and Dean don't even mention how fucking amazing what he did was? You know who does tell him that, though? Fucking Lucifer: "Sam, have I ever told you how much I respect you? Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't like you. I never liked you. [...] But in this moment, when you stood toe to toe with me and won, I gotta say, you had balls kid. You were willing to do the hard thing, if it meant saving the world."

[bpapostate]

One day. [Quote from: 3 am thoughts]

[arwenadreamer]

Oh this is really good. It's so hopeful and positive in regards to Lucifer. Sam's body being truly his own.

But then I thought of this:

And now I'm crying.

Sam will have a body that Dean has never touched.

[bpapostate]

One day. [Quote from: 3 am thoughts]

[jaredandjensen]

14x08 - Byzantium

[bipolarapostate]

Remember when Azazel decided to taunt Dean by talking about how he was gonna rape and violate both his mother and his sibling?

[bipolarapostate]

Did Michael torture Sam, and did Adam know?

We talk a lot about how Adam being left behind in the cage is something that did not get the explanation or focus it deserved, but something else that was never resolved was Michael's (and even Adam's) role in Sam's abuse. Balthazar says that Michael and Lucifer were "hate-banging" his soul. Castiel (who has been in the cage) says that Michael and Lucifer has nothing to do except take their frustrations out on Sam, but it is never clearly confirmed.

In season 15, we get this scene, but it is cut off before we get answers. Sam's expression when he is first adressed is one of worry, similar to how he tends to look at Lucifer and Sam's choice of words suggests that it is he, not Michael, who is in a position to decide whether they can or should move on from what happened. Still. Is it simply that Michael did not protect Sam, and thus witnessed his degradation, or did he actively participate? And if so; how did Adam feature into this? Was he present for it?

I just feel like this is something that is also relevant to Adam and to the choice to leave him behind. Was there resentment there? Fear? Did it play into Sam not talking about Adam at all later on?

[bipolarapostate]

Generational trauma; Sam becoming Mary

Been thinking a lot about the generational trauma and domestic (sexual) violence parallels between Mary and Sam, and Sam and Jack. Specifically how both Mary and Sam's reluctance to adress their trauma leads to their children being hurt by the men who abused them.

As a young woman, Mary is violated by a man wearing the body of her father (Azazel). Through this violation, Azazel becomes the metaphorical parent of her child (Sam). The incestous sexual violence parallel here is not subtle. Azazel explicitely calls Mary a breeder, tells Dean he’s gonna fuck her and that he will come back to violate his sibling too. Which he does.

Instead of telling John, adressing what happened and preparing for Azazels inevitable return, Mary supresses it, living in denial until it's too late. It leaves us wondering; if she had just told someone, if she had done something, perhaps her son could have been saved. Or, at very least, could have been prepared for the grooming he would later experience. But she didn't, so he wasn't. She doomed him with her refusal to accept the reality of what happened to her.

And then Sam gets his own child, and repeats Mary's mistakes. He becomes the metaphorical parent of his rapists child, and despite knowing that Lucifer will come back for Jack, he refuses to adress what was done to him until it's too late.

Ultimately, it is the silence around what was done to Sam (which I'd argue Castiel and Dean are also partially complicit in) that makes it so that Jack is willing to go with Lucifer, becomes vulnerable to his grooming. If he had known what happened to Sam, really understood it, he almost certainly wouldn't have entertained Lucifer at all. But Sam doesn't tell him, so Jack gives him a chance, and Lucifer does what Azazel did: he uses Sam to get back into Jack's life, and then violates him; slices him open, rips out his grace, leaves him broken and wrong in a fundemantal way. Sam "walks in on them", hitches a ride, and is then hurt in front of Jack (like Mary was hurt in front of Sam).

I feel like quite a lot of people talk about the generational trauma of Dean becoming John in relation to Jack, but I also think Sam fails him as a parent and that he does so in much the same way that his mother failed him. Sam and Mary are classic examples of how denial and shame enables abuse.

[bipolarapostate]

Love this exchange with all my heart. The acknowledgment of Sam and Lucifer has having been in an abusive relationship, the way Sam doesn't deny it, and the shared vulnerability and kinship that can develop between two people with nothing in common except a violent man.

[bipolarapostate]

He didn't miss the best part (bending Sam over).

[sisterwifesam]

all sam winchester fans should follow @bpapostate for THE best sam metas 🤎

[bpapostate]

<3 <3 what a wonderful post to wake up to! thank you!

[bipolarapostate]

do u have any good canon compliant samifer fic recs? 🙏🙏

I sure do! Warning: as is the nature of Sam & Lucifer's canon relationship, all these recs contain either depictions of, or references to, abuse or non-con. Some are graphic, others just mention it. Read the tags carefully! The Devil You Know by InHisImage. 10K words. My all time favourite cage-fic. Original, but also entirely canon compliant and very well written.

Pathological by InHisImage 40K Words. Companion to "The Devil You Know". Graphic retelling of ten different moments in the cage: including Sam's best moments and his worst. Very graphic and very good. Each chapter can be read as a stand alone. and so the tower fell by TheQuietWings Lucifer taught Sam how to speak Enochian in the Cage. To Drown in a Puddle by fallbeforeiflyShowering Sad and wonderful Hallucifer fic. Gethsemane Moment by katsidhe Deleted scene from episode 15.19. Sam and Lucifer have a chat at the end of the world.

Inquiring Minds by inkandpaperqwerty. A snapshot from the cage.

Between a rock and a hard place by Crowleysmistress Deleted scene from 13x21. Exploration of why Sam comes back to camp limping.

i will drink your cup of poison redskyatmorning Coercive Sam/Lucifer while Lucifer is living in the bunker. I have also written some pieces that include canon-compliant Samifer, if you're interested in that; such as Faith and Fury (a take on Lucifer possesing Castiel), Marble Arch (a character study about Sam's relationship to violation) & a moment of whimsy (a short snapshot from the cage). Hope you find something you enjoy in here!