casually obsessed

31/bpd vent blog/everything is okay to reblog/main is GirLovesSquirrels/my inbox is always open

[bpd-squirrel]

I just keep fucking up. I don't deserve to celebrate my birthday I deserve to hurt

[bpd-squirrel]

why do I always want to reconnect with people who are not in my life For A Reason

this is torture. I don't know what I would even want out of that

[bpd-squirrel]

if i can't make him happy I don't deserve him

[bpd-squirrel]

currently in the city c lives. constantly looking over my shoulder

[veryluckyclovers]

[bpd-squirrel]

I moved my playlist of songs that remind me of c to yt music bc they're great songs to sing/scream while driving but oh boy. it's making me want to try to make contact again even tho it won't change or fix anything. he won't respond. I know this. but fuck I miss him in my life. maybe I just need a new friend to fill the void outside of jk. I don't want to put all my needs on him but I also feel guilty abt saying that. ughhhh

[yuna-is-tired-sm]

[bpd-squirrel]

Feb marks 10 years since I was diagnosed w bpd and spent a week in the psych ward

I've made so much progress over the last decade of learning to live w my brain how it is

I'm really proud of myself honestly

[bpd-squirrel]

mentally I am awful today. woke up very suddenly this morning after seeing a friend request from c, showing he was single

it's not real. it's not gonna be real. he's not coming back

[bpd-squirrel]

you got the life you always wanted, please don't leave me behind. quite some time has passed, it fell right through my fingertips

[bpd-squirrel]

guess I'm not fucking good enough today. great.

[ihopeucomehomesoon]

homesick for an alternate timeline

[bpd-squirrel]

you think I'd be stronger considering how many people's memories I drag behind me. people who are strangers to me now

[gabiwlove]

godforbid im ethereal n unhinged

[bpd-squirrel]

idk why but I checked messenger and c unblocked me there? I was blocked the other day?? I'm still blocked on fb itself tho. wtf does this mean?

[bpd-squirrel]

my brain has been plagued w thoughts of c ever since that super vivid dream a few weeks back. i reached out to him on snapchat bc that's the only username i know and he still has me blocked on fb. but who knows if he'll even see it

[daddystinygirll]

BPD feels like serving a life sentence for someone else’s crime. they broke me, and I’m the one paying every single day.