[bpdproject]

New Blog

Okay, so clearly I haven’t been able to keep this up over time, and it is in total disarray. I currently am a stay at home girlfriend, so I have created a new, more general submission site.

Click here

[bpdproject]

Borderline Personality Disorder Problem #134

Being told to ‘grow up’ in response to one of your outbursts

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My experiences *Submission*

I don’t think I was born with BPD, it developed over time in response to my mother’s erratic-ness. I used to be happy. I distinctly remember being happy sometime before the third grade. Mom has bi-polar, schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety. My younger sister also has bi-polar, schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety. My mother has made several suicide attempts; once right in front of me when I was twelve. Two weeks before I turned eighteen, I began cutting myself. It consumed me. I was doing it every day, a few times a day. I’ve done heavy damage to up upper thighs. I have damaged nerves. When I touch my scars, it’s a weird alien feeling, not being able to feel my fingers trailing over them. Then, a few weeks before graduating high school, my sister attempted suicide. I get really bad flashbacks from it. I still have nightmares. There’s a disgusting part of me, that treats her as if she did die that night. I don’t hardly talk to her anymore. It’s just too painful. Her disorder has absolutely consumed her. I just can’t be in the same room with her without absolutely freaking out. 

Currently, I’m a senior in college. I’ve been away from my family for three whole years now. I don’t self-harm as much, but now I’m battling a whole new set of issues. See, I grew up surrounded by mentally unstable people. I found out how to be around them. I learned when were the good times to be seen and heard, and when I should keep quiet and in my room. Now, I’m around mentally stable people, and it’s so completely bizarre. I feel like sometimes I intentionally create “drama” because that’s the only way I know that things are okay and that people still accept me. My friends know that I have BPD and that sometimes my head doesn’t work quite right, but sometimes I feel like they’d be happier without me making things difficult for them. I sometimes realize that I’m acting just like my mother, who can go from the most loving person one moment, to cruel and hurtful the next. I’m worried that I’ll make people feel like my mom made me feel. It’s one of my biggest fears, turning into my mother. 

I have a boyfriend, and he has kind of figured out my moods. He understands that sometimes I’m just not okay. I always feel like my life takes two steps forward, and one step back. But I am recovering. I know I am. I smile more. I can go longer without breaking down. My studies keep my mind busy. I know that I will never “be over it.” But life is easier, little by little. 

[bpdproject]

Self diagnosis is only okay if that person is extremely informed about the disorder they think they have (or else people will think they're stupid), they monitor their behaviour and habits closely, they take note and watch patterns in it, and even after all that, they still should seek an opinion from a doctor, just in case and to be 100% sure, because not all doctors are the way they think they are.

I disagree with this, sometimes how we perceive ourselves and our symptoms is different than a typical doctor. There is also an issue with making symptoms happen if you know too much about a disorder. Even psychologists see other psychologists. The purpose is external evaluation.

[bpdproject]

Does BPD actually ever go away?

No, it simply goes into remission. Insurance companies are quick to take the diagnosis away because you no longer meet the required criteria. For a year I was no longer considered borderline by my insurance because I stopped self-harming. However, I later met one of the other criteria and was re-diagnosed as bpd. Bpd is manageable with therapy and medication. A lot of people think tha because they no longer meet the criteria treatment is not necessary, but I would suggest continuing to see a therapist at least once every two weeks to maintain your health.

[bpdproject]

You're anti self diagnosis?

Yes, absolutely. You are not certified and trained to diagose yourself and many symptoms range across multiple mental disorders.

[bpdproject]

I have added bracelets to my etsy. www.Etsy.com/shop/bpdproject

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I was diagnosed with bpd 2 months ago. Im on medication, life was going wel. I felt calm an in control. then 1 evening it came crashing down on me. does it eva get better or is it going 2 be a constant fight against myself for the rest of my life?

Life in general is a constant figgt fir everyone, bpd or not. It is just how the universe is. You have good until it goes bad and then it is bad until it is good again. Even in the bad times we need to remember that there are good things still. Ask your doctor about different medications if you feel they are making things worse. Find good in your life. Make good things happen in your life. Always look forward and remember that despite that there is a lot we dont have control over, we do have control over how we react to those things.

[bpdproject]

I am no longer taking questions about people thinking they are borderline. If you feel you have those tendencies then that should be discussed with a professional. I am in no way equipped to diagnose anyone, nor are you equipped to diagnose yourself. This blog is not meant to diagnose. Diagnosis takes several therapy sessions along with multiple tests from a licensed psychologist. I do not know you weel enough to diagnose, nor am I currently a licenced psychologist. A lot of the problems posted range across a large variety if mental disorders and are not specific to bpd.

[bpdproject]

Hello. I have been feeling really low/bad/depressed lately, and the thought of death is always present. I did a few personality tests on the net (because I can't really go to a therapist/psychologist) and two different tests showed that I could have BPD. I managed to look for the symptoms and found out that I have most of them (I don't cut, despite some needs to). I would like to know if those tests are reliable. Thank you :)

Online tests are simply made to catagorize a wide scale of symptoms into a possibility. Seeing an actual counselor or psychologst will prove to be more helpful. Honestly, it is kind of like putting your symptoms in on web md and assuming you have cancer without seeing a doctor first.

[bpdproject]

I've shown symptoms of BPD for as long as I can remember (even at the age of 4 or 5), however I only became aware of what my actual mental illness is within the last six months. I was diagnosed with depression at 14 years old and lived my life up until recently thinking I was just depressed. But I never had the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed, or constant sadness, or loss of appetite. Those were all fleeting feelings and not constant realities.

Hearing that you have a personality disorder is terrifying, but remember that the symptoms are manageable and you are not alone. Creating this blog has helped me realize that. Whenever I see someone submit a similar problem to mine or simply reblog one of my posts or something I identify with it means so much. The hardest part is getting past feeling alone, hopeless, and helpless.

[bpdproject]

Borderline Personality Disorder Problem #133

Being tired of adapting and changing just so that others will accept me.

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I'm 18 and I've never been in a real relationship I've just been having fun with guys and whatever but I'm about to get into a relationship with a guy and he's about 6 and a half years older than me and I've never really been in a relationship because I have BPD and I'm worried about how a guy would react and it's just confusing and I'm not sure how to talk about it.

When I met my boyfriend that I have been with for eight months I was very unsure as to how to bring up my bpd. I ended up addressing it by sitting down with him ajd saying, listen, this is what I have, here is what I need, here is what you need. He and I have very clear boundary rules and we both have learned what to do and what not to do. It is a process, and everyone is not up to dealing with it, but no matter what you have to be up front about it.

[bpdproject]

Borderline Personality Disorder Problems #132 *triggering*

Engaging in behaviors such as such as self-harm or suicide attempts in order to test how much other people actually care about you.

[bpdproject]

Borderline Personality Disorder Problem #131

It is exhausting to feel everything and nothing at the same time.

[bpdproject]

Please note.

If I recieve a submission that I feel could negatively impact this blog I will not post it. I will not post anything that I feel glorifies drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex, eating disorders, or self-harm. I do understand the need to vent, but I am not here to have a blog that can trigger others or cause a negative view of borderline. I am here to help raise awareness along with helping people to vent about problems they feel others will identify with in a positive manner.

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I'm a 17 year old girl that hasn't been diagnosed with BPD but she's pretty sure she has it. I was wondering, is it normal to feel scared that it might all be a lie? That the illness doesn't exist within me? Many things about BPD applies to me, too many things actually. I've been like this since middle school but I'm scared that I might be faking it for some subconcious reason.

I wouldnt say that you are faking it, sometimes people read symptoms and after they label themselves with something they are more likely to have the symptoms, but I wouldnt say you are faking it. Perhaps you should try going into a treatment such as dbt that helps with specific symptoms of bpd. The younger you begin to learn to deal with problem behaviors, the better the outcome.