I will improve, so help me Satan

yob ♤ 23 ♤ they•he ♤ agender polyam faggot ♤ theistic satanist ♤ BPD; c-ptsd, Bipolar, Anxiety, AUD, polysubstance addiction, dermatillomania, aspd, OCD, ED, psychosis ♤ tw: this is a dumping ground for any thought I have that can be tied to my mental illness :) enjoy

[bpdrug-addict]

I need to get out of here and get sober

[bpdrug-addict]

starting my sober girl summer by killing my old self to be reborn into who I always was

[bpdrug-addict]

yah im still in love with him sigh...

[bpdrug-addict]

im anti incarceration except all men from 9-9

[bpdrug-addict]

I just want smash to text me back!!! ugh wtf have a sober hang with me broseph!!!

[bpdrug-addict]

I had a dream last night that I was homeless and made of rice...

[bpdrug-addict]

Just remembering how much hardship me and my twin endured is making me emotional even tho its hard to cry (testosterone+antipsychotics). im so happy we made it to adulthood dude. we deserve every little bit we achieve for ourselves. God damn is it so hard bro. and damn do I miss you everyday like I wish you never left. ever since u went to college bro I wish we could go back to smoking weed and sneaking out. I dont miss what we had to do to survive, but i miss you being around all the time. no one gets me like you do and makes me feel normal. like someone understands me. I love my brother sm im so excited to visit him im just nervous bc its me(insane and a loser)+my bf(my mom wont acknowledge he exists)+my mom(pretends my partner isnt real, is scared of me, guilt trips and shames me nonstop)+my brother(have texted like 3 times in the past 5 years and seen each other in person and barely talked like 7 times)+Isabelly button (my ride or die bro, mom will guilt trip and patronize tf out of)+olber (Isabelly gf, demented, says stupid shit to me and hates that im a dr** addict even tho he gets loaded and does crazy shit 24/7)+j.s.²(olbers dod, demented rat trap bastard living in the underbelly, will try to battle my gf [o.g. j.s.], will lose, may make him uncomfortable on purpose bc i hate everyone's dad, bald [I will bring it up every 10 seconds]) anyways. I need some sleep bc now im just high rambling lol. i miss my twin bro. everything just makes sense and feels okay after our long late night talks high or just sleep deprived. I remember when one of us crushed the other with a dresser when we were kids. lmfao dude I miss smoking weed on the roofs and you thinking the cops were coming for us. watching u smash a hole in the wall with a water bottle. all the stupid shit that was just so funny dude. youre cherished and remembered and thought about daily and BELIEVED IN. if you feel all alone in the world, dont forget ill always be here dude. you dont need to go thru anything alone. youre never a burden to me bro. n e wayz goodnight tungly

[undn]

[themooninthestars]

[bpdrug-addict]

ugh I feel so useless n like such shit

[bpdrug-addict]

jon: looks out the window crying

me: left out the windows guess thats why they call it window pane

jon: he wrote that about you

me: who? eminem?

jon: yeah cuz youre the baby that fell out the window in the twin towers

[bpdrug-addict]

Jesus christ if I ain't gay for dead people

[bpdrug-addict]

ive never lost someone i loved intimately and romantically and carnally, sexually, before you. I cant get past you girl. youre stuck in my mind all the time and it keeps me going and yet pains me deeply. your memory is a beautiful one, one of my favorites if not my favorite. you always had such a way with words like I thought only I could do. you didn't just see me, you tore me open even when I resisted and splayed me out for you to understand, consume, and WITNESS. you loved me for me. and I dont know if ill ever have that kind of love again. our time was short together, but damn if it didnt change my whole mf life. you like a wyvern, slithered up my chest and reached into my ribcage just to squeeze my still beating heart until it burst. you are the one ill die loving endlessly, the one ill die to love again for eternity if Satan grants us that grace. I would love nothing more than to hold you in my gentle embrace again and regard YOU as my "good puppy girl". id give life, leisure, and limb to have you back here in the living plane with us. We love you so endlessly, well never let you die even if you are dead. You hone more life than any of these other fucks claiming to be alive today. you were the blueprint for purity, my path straight to Aphrodite. You are my devotion to the Goddess of love now. You are my Goddess now. I devote my life to the one you lived. I just wish id done it sooner

[bpdrug-addict]

I miss my indigo so badly

[bpdrug-addict]

terrified nobody likes me bc im too honest and real and raw and overwhelming. everybody now a days is taking space from me. why. why am I being punished and isolated over and over again for struggling. almost no one reaches out to me anymore. idk what to do I try so hard everyday God damn it. ugh

[sapphic-horror]

ASPD TRANSSEXUAL | SOCIOPATH TRANSSEXUAL | PSYCHOPATH TRANSSEXUAL

[pt: aspd transsexual, sociopath transsexual, psychopath transsexual. /end pt]

— someone who is transsexual and has aspd/reclaims sociopath/reclaims psychopath. all are aspd exclusive and are inclusive of all folks with aspd regardless of diagnostic status

— aspd can be replaced with the term "antisocial" if the user wants a less diagnosis-focused label

— day 1 of rwuffles pride month coining event! the theme today is "history"

— will add ids later oops

[bpdrug-addict]

got jumped by 12 Jewish horses and they each beat me with the Torah