01/21/19 | Update About Where I’ve Been
Hey. I know after the Chocolate fiasco I kind of just up and vanished but I want to clarify right now that it was completely unrelated to that.
Basically late December through January has just been kicking my ass. I lost another relative not long ago, I need to find a new job, and my physical and mental health has been on the decline as well. My mental health has gotten so bad to the point where I come close to getting a panic attack every time I go on social media. This isn’t just Tumblr, it’s also stuff like Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. And it’s not anxiety about whether or not I will mess up, but rather who/what group has messed up and how much they’re gonna get attacked for it.
Half my Facebook lately has just been, “Unfriend me if you like ___,” “I’ll block you if you use ‘___’ in your vocabulary,” “Kill yourself if you think ___ is ok.” Some of it is deserved and pretty obvious, others are just seriously small, petty stuff in my eyes. And for the small stuff, I know if I ask these people “Hey I don’t really understand where this is coming from, can you explain it to me,” they’ll just block me for not immediately agreeing with them or not immediately seeing the problem. Why do I still have them added? I don’t know, but I don’t even have the energy to do a friend purge at the moment because of how much I hate going on the site in the first place.
But back to Tumblr, the few times I have managed to rack up the courage just to check on the tag and the blogs I follow, it’s just been absolutely toxic. I hate to say it, and I’ve been keeping my mouth shut about it, but it’s true. The fandom treats the IP with dignity, yeah, and in the past, a lot of other fandoms I’ve been in just turned everyone into one-dimensional characters for the sake of memes. But I have never been in a fandom with this much drama and controversy in it. Again, some of it’s deserved and needs to be said, while other debates just get completely blown out of proportion. I’m talking about all the Spaghetti and Whiskey shit. People also talk about characters like Tiramisu and Napoleon Cake getting turned into one-dimensional characters for jokes and honestly I have never seen that. The jokes are there, obviously, but not once have I seen anyone say “Yes this is the only aspect of this character I want to focus on and therefore defines their entire character.” And even then there’s way better things to get pissed about. Also, there’s just a lot of hypocrisy in general towards certain characters/pairings/etc.
Because of this I’m considering just migrating to AO3 or Fanfic.net at some point in the near future, but I haven’t decided which one yet. Once I figure it out, I’ll make a post here. I’ll also be sure that when I move, I’ll transition my old imagines and the ones I’m still working on over to either site I choose. I don’t plan on deleting this blog, but if I do it would be WAY down the line. I may just keep the blog up to take requests while posting headcanons/fics on the other site and linking them here. And/or maybe I’ll set up a Discord so you guys can still share memes and stuff. We’ll see.
I felt like now was the right time to make the post, because I realize my lack of motivation to work on this blog hasn’t been because I dislike writing, but because I have so much outside stress surrounding me at the moment, and I realize going on Tumblr is in-and-of-itself one of those reasons.
TL;DR: Because of the current state of my mental health, and for my own sanity, I can’t be around the fandom right now, I’ve barely had the motivation to work on imagines, and I don’t have a set date as to when I’ll be back. Everything on my feed is depressing and the people on it are seriously causing my anxiety to spike through the roof. Looking to transition to other social media platforms like Fanfic or AO3, and possibly Discord. Blog is not being deleted.
I know this isn’t the update you guys were hoping for, and I’m sorry I’ve been so shitty when it comes to moderating this blog. But now that I have a lot more clarity as to what’s causing the problem I can start to try and find the motivation again to fix it.
I know drama is to be expected on social media, but forgive me for having to draw the line at shaming/blocking people over fictional characters/ship.
I’ll see you all soon, and thank you for the continued support.
