I hang on to your praise, ──────────────
─────────── and brace for your disapproval.
Scopophobia!Reader X Patient!Sevika
Summary ↝ You have scopophobia, the fear of being perceived. It makes it hard to relax during daily life, but especially during intimacy. Because of this, you always feel like you're 'performing'. When you tell Sevika, she makes it her mission to rid you of this feeling, and she's patient every step of the way.
Content Warning ↝ Smut, Some Fluff, Anxiety, Self-Doubt, Fingering r!receiving, Cunnilingus r!receiving, Slight Breakdown During Intimacy, Praise, Modern AU.
You're sitting on the kitchen island, hands placed on either side of your thighs, and your eyes follow Sevika as she moseys around the kitchen. She is making dinner for the two of you. Usually, you cook because she works a lot and you want her to get a small break, but today she insisted. She flips the steak over and pours the excess butter back on top of it. After a while, she lets it sit and faces you. “Aww, you look so pretty. Just sitting here, waiting patiently.” Sevika coos.
You look down at your thighs and swing your feet a little, hoping her attention gets caught on anything else. Sevika notices this; you do it every time she compliments you. Even when we're in bed facing each other, you’ll move in closer to lie on her chest. At first, she didn’t know why you did it; she assumed it was your way of blushing, but after a while, she noticed how uncomfortable and almost fearful your face became.
You hated it when Sevika complimented you; well, actually, you hated it when she looked at you. Afraid that if her gaze lingered a little too long, she’d see everything you see. All your imperfections, all the things you hated about yourself. “Do you ever feel like you're performing?” You ask, trying to change the topic from your appearance. “Well, what's the context?” Sevika is leaning against the counter directly in front of you. “Umm, I guess in general, but mostly during...” You pause for a second, overanalyzing the words that will come out of your mouth. “Intimacy?”
Sevika tilts her head to the side. The two of you haven’t really been intimate much. Every time you guys get somewhere, your mind overwhelms you, and you can no longer focus on what’s happening but rather on how you look while it's happening. If the faces you're making look weird, or the noises you mewl turn her off. “No, I guess I don’t, sweetface. I think it’ll do more harm if you're pretending the sex is good simply to help out the other person.” Her answer is concise; they always are. You loved that about her; she always had a way with words and spoke in a way that never offended you.
“Do you feel like you’re performing?” She asks while taking the steak off the pan and plating it beautifully. You don’t want her to think she’s not doing a good job, but you also don’t want to lie to her. After you're silent for a beat too long, Sev steps forward and tilts your head up softly by your chin. “I’m going to assume that’s a yes, but can I ask why you feel like you have to perform?”
Your hands are fiddling, and your nerves are spiking under the intense surveillance of Sevika’s gaze. “I just don’t want you to think I look weird, or like get turned off if I’m just freely making noises. Sevika removes her hand from your chin because she can feel you shrinking into yourself. “I actually would prefer that. I’d love to see all the contortions your body makes when you’re feeling good. If anything, it turns me on, not off.” You meet her gaze again, searching for sincerity. When it's there, you can’t help the small smile creeping on your face, “Really? Are you only saying that to make me feel better, or because it’s true?” You ask, needing just a little more reassurance to let your mind ease up.
“Trust me, I live for the way your eyes flutter when I'm rubbing you just right, or the little whimpers you let out when you simply can’t hold them in. It’s probably my favorite part of the whole ordeal.” Your heart warms at her answer, “I just wish I could relax and not have my mind racing the whole time.” Sevika hates that you feel like this. She wants nothing more than your comfort. Once the plates were made, she put glass display lids over them and washes her hands. You look at her, confused: “I thought we were going to eat?” She laughs at your adorable expression.
“We will, baby. Let's go to the room first, yeah?” You nod, hopping off the island and walking behind her. You weren’t stupid; you knew why she wanted to go to the room, but boy, were you nervous. She sits on the bed and pats the spot next to her, “Sit.” You comply. “What makes you the most anxious during intimacy? Is it just me looking at you?”
It wasn’t only her looking at you; it was her perceiving you, taking in all the twists and turns of your body, and all the marks on your skin, nicks from shaving, and the scattered burns from all your failed kitchen expeditions. “I guess, but it’s not only that; I’m scared that if you look at me too long, you won’t think I'm pretty anymore.” Sevika's eyes lower in sadness at your explanation, hating how lowly you think of your appearance.
“Oh, baby, that’s impossible. I stare at you every chance I get, and I swear you get prettier every time.” You just lean your head on her shoulder, unsure of what to say besides the classic, ‘Thanks’. “You know what? How about we try something to slowly ease you into it? How about you keep your eyes closed just for now until I tell you otherwise? You look up at her nod, not wanting to be difficult and also so badly wanting to feel good without the constant self-deprecation. “Okay, I can try that,” you say.
“C’mere,” She says while lifting you so you're straddling a single one of her thighs. “This okay, pretty baby?” Her ears hang on to your words, wanting you to be completely comfortable before starting. “Yeah,” you exhale a shaky breath, just hoping it works. She leans in, meeting your lips with delicacy. You always close your eyes during kissing, so this part wasn’t too abnormal. You are slowly letting her wash you away, focusing on the way her tongue swirls against yours and the sounds it makes while they move against one another.
“You let me know if it gets too much,” She says into your mouth. “Mhm,” You say, trying not to lose focus. Her hands find your hips, and they just sit there for a while. Sevika never does anything suddenly, always making sure to take her time with you. She’d hate it if she did something that made you feel uncomfortable, so she always gave you time to protest before making any moves. Once you don’t say anything, she slowly runs her hands up and down your middle, applying pressure and pulling you closer.
You want to moan when your clit drags just briefly against her thigh, but you hold it, a sigh in place of it. She moves from your lips to place kisses on your chin, then down your neck, “Good?” She asks while light kisses bloom across your skin. You take a deep breath before answering, scared to stutter, but the feeling makes it hard. “Yes.” A breathy answer falls from your lips, and Sevika groans when she hears it.
You clench at the noise she makes right under your ears. She parts her lips to suck at the flesh, lightly taking her time and searching around to find a spot that makes you react. She knows she’s in the right area when she finally hears it. You whimpered when her tongue slid past the perfect location. She pulled the skin between her teeth and bit down. You were holding her waist, needing something to brace against.
You squeeze her a little when the bite is soothed with her tongue, and light sucks. “How you doing, baby?” Sev asks, voice laced with need, but today wasn’t about her. It was about making you feel good. “I’m –Okay,” You answer, breaking up a little when her hands pull your hips forward once again.
Sevika is no longer kissing your neck; she is looking at you. Your eyes are closed, your mouth parted, and your tongue is rubbing along your lower lip every time she presses you down a little too eagerly. Even with your eyes closed, her halted movements on your neck make you feel like she’s watching you. So you lean into the crook of her neck, hiding your face in it. Sevika is a little sad that she can’t see your pretty face anymore, but if hiding makes you more comfortable, she won't take that from you.
She starts picking up the pace, dragging your slit along her thighs repeatedly. You bite your lip to hold back your moans, but when one of her hands leaves your hips and slips under your shirt to graze your nipple. The control you once had slips. “Fuck” You mutter, so low she’d miss it if you weren’t right near her ear. This makes Sevika’s eyes flutter, and her eyebrows push together. She rarely hears you moan, let alone speak, so when you do, it drives her insane. “Good job, pretty, you're doing so well.” The praise soothes you before your mind begins to race.
She’s rubbing soothing circles on your nipples; your soul is slowly merging with hers, letting her take control over you. Even if it’s just for a second. “More. Please.” You know she’s waiting for you to get comfortable before changing her actions, so you take the initiative and ask. “Hands up,” She instructs. She pulls the shirt off your head along with your pants, leaving you in your bra and panties.
Sevika follows after, not wanting you to feel more exposed than she was. You decide to remove your panties yourself, your need helping a little with your confidence. Sevika lifts an eyebrow when she sees you taking them off. Internally, her heart swells, but she won't make it a big deal because she knows you'll shrink back into yourself. Your bare cunt is sopping on her thigh. The lack of a barrier intensifies the feeling. You're back in the crook of her neck and whimpering lightly at every glide. You start sucking on Sevika’s neck to hide your sounds, and this causes her own to slip out.
“Mm, so perfect.” Her praise makes you bite down on her, taking any chance you have to collide with her. “Lie back for me,” Her breathy tone commands. You move towards the headboard and lie flat on your back while she comes over to straddle you. She’s kissing you again, and her flesh hand lazily explores your body, stopping at your slit, and taking her time sliding her fingers up and down.
You squirm a little, hating how she always takes a while to get to it, but you won’t say anything because begging is simply humiliating in your mind. Sev never made you beg or made you double down when you asked for more. She knew you hated feeling inferior, even if it was something as simple as this. She’s kissing down your neck, then your stomach, finding her way down your hips. “Wait,” you squirm. She pauses, immediately removing her lips from your skin, and looks back at you sitting on her knees with a careful gaze. “Umm, I know this is dramatic, but,”
You're cut off by her reassurance, “When you need something, you don’t have to diminish how you feel. I don't think whatever you’re about to say is dramatic. I just want you to be comfortable.” You smile lightly and continue, “Can I put a pillow on my face when you’re, um, down there?” You ask, wishing the bed would open up and swallow you whole. In hindsight, it wasn’t that embarrassing of an ask, but everything you did left anxious residue all over your insides.
“We can do that, but you have to promise me you won’t cover your mouth with it. You can put it in front of your face, but I need to hear your responses when I’m checking in on you.” You nod in relief that she was so understanding of your request: “Okay, I won’t cover it.” You grab the pillow to your right and place it on your chest; you can no longer see Sevika’s gaze on you, just her frame every once in a while.
She returns to your slit carefully. “Still good?” She asks, and when you reassure her, she slips her thick middle finger into you. You pant a little, trying your best not to let out icky noises. She pumps you very slowly, her finger showing no sign of struggle because of how wet you are. “Baby, you’re soaking. All this for me?” She asks, a little amused and so badly wishing she could see the screw on your face as she enters and exits.
Sevika will make it her mission to get you comfortable enough to freely exist during intimacy. Honestly, in general, she notices how you always shy away from eye contact or how you wait for her to speak when you guys are in public. You never choose anything, always saying ‘It’s up to you’ or ‘I don’t mind what we do.’ At first, she thought it was just you being nice, but after multiple conversations and observations, she realized you are fearful in almost everything you do. You scan all the scenarios before you speak, and you hate being in charge because you don’t want the other person to judge your options. You hated being looked at because you couldn’t read the mind of the watcher.
Your anxiety controls every decision you make, and your scopophobia kills your ability to properly enjoy anything that isn’t done in solitude. She signed you up for one-on-one therapy, and after you started getting comfortable with that, she suggested group therapy. You’ve only been going for a month, 1 session a week. Sevika can see it works just slightly. Very happy and hopeful of what the future has in store. Every other week, she asks you to choose where to go out and what you want to eat. At first, it was hard. You hated feeling put on the spot, but now you expected it, so you came prepared with lists and dates.
Sure, it wasn’t that big of a decision to others, but to you, it meant the world. “Sev.” Your voice pulls her out of her thoughts. Your legs are closing in on themselves, and she uses one of her hands to hold your thighs open. Her mouth comes on you. And you yelp when you feel it. Your hands are gripping the pillow, and you mindlessly use it to cover your mouth. “Baby?” When you don’t answer, she pulls out of you and lifts her mouth. You peek from behind the pillow. “Why’d you stop?” Sevika almost laughs at the frustration in your voice, but she needs to know if you are alright before continuing. “You stopped responding.” You exhale a breath you didn’t know you were holding.
Realizing you were holding the pillow to your mouth, and you simply didn't hear her under the sounds of your arousal, you apologize. “M’sorry,” You say, hiding your face. She chuckles a little, “It’s okay, sweetface, I’m just checking.” She dips back down, continuing her torture on your clit with her tongue and her middle finger that pumps you perfectly.
A second finger joins in, and you're a squirmy mess. She has to hold your hips so she can eat you with precision, but you tense when you feel her. ‘Am I moving too much?’ Your mind starts racing, and before you know it, the knot in your core has dispersed. Sev notices you aren’t squirming anymore, and you're not clenching around her fingers. When she peeks past the pillow, she sees you staring at the ceiling with a worried expression on your face. “Princess?” She carefully calls out.
Your eyes find hers, and your lip wobbles slightly when they meet. “I know I’m ruining this for you; I know I was moving a lot; I know–” You begin listing all the things you think you did wrong. Sevika moves the pillows and pulls you on her lap. “Breathe, baby. Deep breaths for me.” Your head is on her chest, and she’s stroking your hair while you fight back tears. You take a shaky exhale. “I don’t know why I can’t focus.” There is shame wrapped in your tone.
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry you have to feel like this. I know it’s hard when you’re constantly worried about how you’re being perceived.” You’re blinking rapidly, trying your hardest to keep your tears at bay. “Truth be told, I love how squirmy you get. It lets me know I’m doing a good job, that I’m making you feel so good it’s hard to stay still.” She laughs lightly. I mean, you do get really squirmy when it feels especially good. “If it were me getting all squirmy, would that ruin your experience?”
“No, I like it. I like when you squeeze me too,” you giggle before continuing, “Oh, and when you groan, my gosh, I feel like I could cum just listening to you.” You say, amused. Nerves settling. “So why do you think I’m judging you? It feels the same way to me as it does to you. I love your little reactions, and when you're unable to hold back. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You also know I'm no stranger to confrontation. I will always tell you if there is something I don’t like.” You feel better after her words.
“What about the noises?” You ask, “Your sounds? Fuckkkk,” She drags out comedically. Her metal hand soothes your back while her flesh hand holds your hand. “I love them; they're so encouraging; it makes me wanna stay there forever.” You laugh at her response, relief filling your anatomy. “Okay,” You pause, wondering how you should ask her to continue, but she notices the gears in your head turning and pulls your chin to face her. “Don’t think, just ask. What is it that you wanna say?”
You breathe in and out. “Would you maybe wanna continue?” You say, feeling a little brave at her words. “Only if you’re comfortable with it, I won't be mad if you want to stop completely.” You shake your head and lean up to kiss her lips. “I wanna keep going,” You say when you break away, returning to kiss her, licking her lower lip, begging for her tongue to dance with yours. Her hands find your hips, and she smiles into the kiss, teeth hitting slightly against yours. “Umm, this time, I wanna try without the pillow. I think if I get too comfortable with it, I won't be able to ever stop using it.” Sevika smiles at that, loving your newfound bravery, “Are you sure?” She asks once. When you answer, she lays you back to your previous position and kisses you swiftly.
Her kisses trail back down to your slit. She doesn’t tease, so you don’t think about it for too long, scared your anxiety will come creeping in again. Her tongue finds your clit and swirls the perimeter of your hood. Your hips push up a little, needing more. Once she latches onto it, you moan. It makes Sev's legs clench. “Sounds so good,” She says into you. You love praise, and Sevika can tell when you get wetter at her words. Her fingers enter you again, one at a time incase the little break you took causes some resistance. She curls them perfectly, making you curse, “Fuck, that's– that's really good.” You breathe.
Every noise you make leaves Sevika moaning against you. You look down at her. Her eyes are closed, half because she wants you to be comfortable, and half because she’s having the time of her life between her legs. When you see no sign of her getting the ick from your squirms and noises, you lean back onto the mattress, letting the sensation drink you in.
The knot in your core comes back full speed. Your mind is fuzzy, and every time you want to overthink, you remember her words just minutes before. “I think– I think I’m close.” You’ve never been able to cum under someone else's manipulation simply because your mind wouldn’t let you relax into it. Today was different. You don’t feel an overwhelming urge to stop because of how long you’re taking. “Breathe,” Sevika says. You do, but they quickly turn into pants. Your chest rising and falling, Sevika peeks at you. Your mouth is agape, and your hands are on her head. Your hips push into her.
You're unintentionally riding her tongue, and she loves it. Sevika has to do her own breathing techniques, the sight becoming overwhelming to her. Her moans are sending the vibrations straight to your core. “Gonna– I can’t hold–” You're blabbering. “Let it out for me,” She encourages. Your thighs close around her head, and your hands are gripping her strands. You let out a prolonged moan, and your body tenses. You drop back down to the bed and become one with the mattress.
You're catching your breath, and before you realize it, Sevika has placed you on her lap. Shushing you lovingly, helping you come down from your high. “You did so good, baby. I’m so proud of you. You make a noise in acknowledgement, trying to find words but struggling because of your bliss. Sevika laughs, finding you adorable. She places a kiss on your forehead and sits with you for as long as you need. “I love you,” you say, pushing closer to her chest, “I love you more. Let's go eat dinner, yeah?” You smile, the steak waiting for you brings a growl to your stomach. The two of you laugh at the noise. “I think we better hurry.” You laugh.
Author's Note ↝ I'd eat Sevika for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, too bad she's not real :(
