Every day you are handed 24 golden hours.

All the shortcomings of a young heart.

[brandonthebard]

They never tell you that sometimes you must step twice

Journey once is not always so easy and nice

Though a view foreseen is better in person

It is not always enough to teach the correct lessons

I have wandered years inside of years

Rooms filled to the brim

Then left and never to be a part of again

Eventually, maybe that is what heaven is

The place where the possibilities do not circumvent

A ladder cannot hold steady without a base and a point

If we did not build between we would fall short

So now that I have seen what you wanted to show

I know better so can you leave me alone?

There are people I love

Places I want to be

Understanding that another day is not a certainty

So holding steady, I repeat like a skip

I love you, I do not want to forget

And love is one thing no matter how hard

Or how it shards, it is always right

So I will never regret

Holding you for one moment

One moment is all we need to change a lifetime

One moment is all I need to remember this is my choice

And I choose to be here, whole by design

Beneath the pine trees where the truth lies

Even though it gets dark

I still hear your chime

And I run

[brandonthebard]

Do not make me go back there

When I just came through

I fuck up my words

I cannot explain it to you

How I reread what I write

And it means the opposite

Of what I intended but intentions are

Trailing me into nonsense

It is hard to explain how a few days was all it took

To make me fall so deep for you

Let me say my dumb shit

Just respond and tell me it is dumb shit

So I know that it is not just that nothingness I feel when it ends up responseless

These shoulders cannot take another ounce

These eyes cannot stop staring

And if I may be so bold, if I can be so daring

Will you let me love you?

Please, can you know me?

If not it is just fine but I need to know so I can start going

They do not understand I am in a barren land

A guitar and a playlist and aching hands

They have travel and friends and preference

I get left behind, like that has always been the difference in my happiness

I thought I was past it but it still hurts

The more I care the more love I realize I deserve

So I fight and fail because it seems that the war

Was won by someone who did not even care at all

[brandonthebard]

I have not felt like this in so long

Before the ponder of what is now

I was left alone to wonder

So as peculiar as it may be to find a life ahead of me

I wander to the one I want to be with

She does not know the way I feel

Although I am sure she has seen some curb appeal

It is difficult to attempt to make things real

When you do not understand that word any longer

So I stay awake longer than I would like

And fight myself for another night

Could I, should I, shall I?

If I care this much it is not a crutch

I have negated it for a long time, destiny is such a stick in the mud

Being there between the earth and the water

I do not mind waiting but it is sharp like a cutter

If I could kiss you at this moment I would

Romance is a dance that I do not misunderstand

But how do you convince somebody who is confused

Lost like I was in the abuse

If I had the courage I would ask you right now

I know it hurts, but the past is not our problem now

Willing to wait, why would you not

When even heaven is held between gates that remained locked

Looking into the moonlit sky

I see those gorgeous blue eyes

Maybe it is just me

Maybe I am thinking too much

You are one thing I do not want to give up

Conditions condition us like wax to a flame

But we are a king and a queen

And despite the way the past has unwoven

I will give you everything you have been lacking from the others who have promised that this or that would happen

[brandonthebard]

In a bright red light I made a mess

Circumstance or happenstance

I prance these plateaus and climb these mountains

Hoping it is equivalent to wishes we throw into water fountains

There is a lot of what was, I would prefer what is to be

The ocean drowns me because I have never been good at swimming

I still look for the lighthouses, even though these eyes fail occasionally

There’s no rhyme or reason, just a lot to see

Courageous are the roads we travel within this journey

They know these feet turn the earth down below me

Optimistic, enlightened yet still disappointed

Are these panic attacks because I am too happy

Or is there something inside of me I cannot contain

Feeling similar to insanity

Like the blush on a woman who is too beautiful to look at

Is it intimidation or infatuation that makes us wonder

What could happen?

[brandonthebard]

Everything went wrong way before I had the knowledge to stop it

control is an entity we see before we understand

an illusion of man, something I gagged myself with

what was supposed to be a book turned to broken fragments

a life I used to live, three lives ago

is this what memory serves a slave to

recommending me to leave it alone

usually I would, puddles make shoes wet

I am keen to remembering, better than regret

when the nights turn to tears, when everything is okay

I check my house for monsters because they seem to like to stay

you told me that life is love, and a church is wherever we speak our beliefs

why am I chasing hope like it will rid the demons from inside of me?

[brandonthebard]

I used to think you liked me

a slim figure wedge between

what we are and what we could be

if I didn't indulge in your suffering

I let them use, I wish I couldn't

when I dream and it trickles into the day

who do I blame, never you

only myself, the only one I abuse

I woke up crying today

it's not the face, it's the feeling of it all

still kissing roses wondering

why do thorns hurt so bad

I'll tend your wounds

never bleeding out

screaming and shouting

how do I get out of this

in a way to be better when

I know I can't be better on queue

When I needed more of you and less of me

you left and I became steep in virtue

lost in faith

hoping to be saved

[brandonthebard]

The journey has been hard for me through these years. It seems like the cyclone of the cycles has not let me go, accustomed to the pain I just hope for a little more each day. Love has left me, family, everything I ever really fought for has never been worse. I feel cursed, but every time I look over my shoulder there is nothing there. When I look into the mirror it's just myself, a little more crooked than remembered. I watch the winds wisp around those maybe too innocent to know what they do, or maybe the wind is meant to protect the ones who still have some left. I often wonder if there is much left inside of myself. There is a pond where I skip pebbles, a chip off the old block. What is now, and what has been lost along the way reside in difference dimensions. Energy is always changing, I hope what is left in me will blossom into beauty. I see the good days pass by quicker than the bad, which are often more plentiful. The children I have loved and kept safe are growing faster than I can provide for. When you look back at the worries you faced, the dangers you braved, the punches you have taken, I worry often more about the loss of the love I could've gave to the ones who deserve it. My whole heart yearns for a life I had once, the trinkets you search the path for. Am I enough for what has been given or am I a simpleton for trying so hard, and growing ever more terrible in trying? I cannot sleep at night, I have no hunger for food, I wish for nothing more but to fix the only few things I no longer have control of. I will be at the road less weathered, where true love comes once in a million years, a place I found but there was nothing there for me. I hope to be enough tonight, tomorrow, and every day. I didn't want to make this about me, but sometimes it has to be.

[brandonthebard]

When you speak to me like a lost love

I can't help but to turn my cheek

chuckle and wonder

The wrong words are

often mistaken for the right words

but my words are often otherwise reversed

I try to explain to you how to lift this curse

list it like a for sale ad

as if it was something I could never part with

Yet a past life screams to me

as if we will bring anything

when tomorrow isn't a guarantee

So I practice your autonomy

pretend to be them so they don't see

that deep down I am really me

Laugh like I do not mean a thing

laugh until you choke and I

will still be breathing

Tomorrow is another day

replay the delay where

it's not so late and I am still singing

I probably will not be many things

but you'll know who I am when

there are no words left worth speaking

[brandonthebard]

A door only a sliver open

why do you hesitate

when you could look and see

maybe not exactly what you expected but

a view worth seeing

I constant the thought, how you wouldn't know

a kiss from a pinch, or a door from a window

yet admiration suits best to nonsense

they don't ask you why the silly things feel best

when the grass is just warm enough to wonder why

they still wonder about the grass on the other side

this day isn't much different than any other

you were a bloom I birthed upon a wishing star

I thank god for you and pray for you every day

the distance between us suffers only in the way

I would defy gravity to understand how to understand you

once upon a time they wrote us all in history

as many people with other faces

trying to become what we are now

so why do we fight like cats in the alleyways

a scratch never stopped the glorious symphony of you and I

this and that, a life I still believe could become infinite

if only for a moment, when all we have is moments

nothing can ever take this away

we chip like teeth trying to chew the truth of it all

what's worse, a broken smile or never knowing what it felt like

to look through the lens of what actually will ever matter

we are safe and you have always been able to open your mouth

speak your truth without judgement

shine without consent

we're all planted in this flower field

hoping to be picked

I love with more hands than I have to carry

this closed eyed wearily whispered wish

[brandonthebard]

I never asked you to love me

taken here against my will

without prior knowledge of what could be, but

I never asked you to love me

when I didn't know better and you ended up hurt

when you pictured a geyser and I could only squirt

I never wanted you to love me

when they tried to find me at school

under the desk, making them fools

I made it hard for you indefinity

but I never asked you to love me

while I messed up constantly

taking time off to be the fool in sheeps clothing

like it was a game for the fame of being the one who's always losing

yet I loved how you loved me

even though the pain was just enough to show

yet you took it and let it go

I learned how to respect you for just being you

I loved you not for loving me

but for going through what you did so i'd understand love too

I never got to thank you for that part of me that would never have been

when they said I would fail and many times it has happened

the courage and the strength to begin anew

i'd never have learned how to try again

if it wasn't for the way you loved me then

and the way I will always love you

[brandonthebard]

I left a letter in an empty house

as if they'd circle me with remembrance

we are all visitors here but

how many times does it take

You told me I was a swollen swallow

so small, taking in so much

I could never fly

a disguise once worn like an old coat in the closet

the barren silhouettes of a cornerstone broken

they said to always try, so I left my bones to the earth

knowing the sky swallows my dreams

while my heart and my mind are always rooted here

between the trees of grief and wisdom

as if it takes pain to grow

I stopped listening to the whispers a long time ago

hoping to be the reason they believe in evolution

There will never be an infinity for me

sometimes I worry too much because I love just enough

to want to always be able to love like this

yet the still frame of a hard truth breaks me here

where I cannot stop what hurts the most

while trying to embrace it and be the change I know is needed

how can you ask a single person

to become the world around them

as if we even have the time to grasp what that means

[brandonthebard]

There was a time where I was lost

set in ways never announced

nuanced by the subtitles

they guided my behavior through small gestures

I was once a soldier, all for the people

but then they started taking

and once they were done, laughed

as if I hadn't wanted to

but wouldn't for the wrong reasons

you've been fighting but

we're against what you're fighting for

In my own understandings, I left it alone

but is that weakness or strength

in my home, all alone

I ask for these burdens to be taken from me

but where do they go if I let them

You were a silver winged butterfly

tempted by sprigs too soft to hold you

I never let you down

my one fault was building your sanctuary

tight lipped and so willing

never wanting to let you down

I can't keep all these secrets anymore

but I will whisper them to the wind

the flowers and

maybe my sin will be dissolved by hope

like something brand new

[brandonthebard]

Like an apple off of the tree

Subtly picked and without the knowledge of gravity

Yet bruised as bruised could be

Where do we draw the line

Decide if it’s all that it was, all that it seems

Or maybe it’s just me wondering

How a simple yearning could turn to

A passing affection you let loose

Affecting my heart and my soul too

Did I lose or am I wondering

If it was all just a game

It’s the same as a push

Looking around like this was where I was meant

I’ve let the lawn go but it’s a big regret

Now that the distance is a place of belonging

A spell has been conjured and a life has been led into pondering forevermore

I knew it once, maybe twice but never again

Essence of a crooked man who had a plan but

It didn’t end up the way it was imagined

Now in my own faults

I follow that man and hope to see what could change

Believing only in that change, and what could happen

If it’s worth the walk it’s worth the talk and it’s definitely worth the waiting

I’d take a quiet forest over an angry city that can’t sleep because the people don’t stop for anything

[brandonthebard]

I knew once

A lost love

A decision made anguished

A hope I had

Never planned

Blossoming into oblivion

Then I met a woman worth writing about

Although it took me time

To realize who I was and

Who I wanted to be mine

So I speak silly words, try to make you see it too

A time we had where I let go of what was and wasn’t true

But I see you for what you are

Damaged like I have been damaged

Ravaged like delicate circumstances

I tell you I love you now

And I mean it more than I ever did

Feeling silly like a child who can’t manage their feelings

Uncertain like cameras watching

I’ll miss you under the moonlight

As if we could dance tonight, so far away

A hero in my eyes

Another day lasting, a prayer passing by like the wind

I wish you could tie to me like the tides, hands outstretched

I reach for you, a teacher who I didn’t know would teach me that

What you love and lose will come back to you

If it’s worth it

[brandonthebard]

They disembark

A retaliation

I know the art of synchronization

Become one or none or an enemy

They don’t take time to think

So they tell us to do the same

I don’t point guns or blame

Kind of getting used to walking away

Save it for another day when it matters more

We don’t have all the answers so you can believe

That anyone who claims they know everything

Does not know much of anything at all

Relieve me of this prison cell

Incarcerated by my own attention to detail

You were a slave I tried to set free but

Never realized you were imprisoning me

Here it’s the settling of too many scores

Scream or refrain from the feelings we abhor but

Give into forevermore

Is that why I’m always up at sunrise

Hoping to see your eyes shining

Or something else sending me

Somewhere I may belong

People aren’t much for talking nowadays

So I step and I say

Let’s hold on for another day

If you can’t find the meaning it’ll come again

If you need me I’ll be your friend but

You’ll probably be my end

Yet again

[brandonthebard]

Gone with the wind

A room full of people who don’t understand

I hear them complaining from behind the curtain through the kitchen

What do they expect when they couldn’t do any better in double the time

My lifelines are a lady who can’t remember, a man too drunk to stand and someone else I made up

Hat in hand, sad but unwilling to speak anymore

There is a veil withheld that stunts the fuel guiding this everlasting flame

I may not be here tomorrow

Is all I dream of speaking though it hurts more than just myself

There’s a museum specific, a loss in which we forget who is important

I’m losing myself in the pages of a book I believe will decide more than one lifetime

I left my heart long ago with no map for you to locate

But you moved on and that piece of me is something I can’t retrieve

So I just suffocate

[brandonthebard]

It used to be a simple gaze

A look to the sky

Or into your eyes

I could find the meaning to keep on going

Even though I’ve been losing the will to survive

And my heart echoes through my soul

Thump thump thump thump

So hollow, maybe finally realizing

I’m always going to be alone

What to make of that information

Some days I’m a man against a nation

The only one able to stick up for myself

To see the way others get babied

Makes me jealous of a time where maybe I was a little

But never enough to get used to like them

Remembering all the days that hurt too much to forget

And how fast time has come and then once again taken them

Making me older than I once was but still younger than I feel today

The man the world sold away

As if he was ever worth anything at all

The rain creeps through the window and

She’s asleep next to me on the couch but

We never spoke tonight and it’s so close but

It won’t be right to wake her

When I don’t know what to say

A journey turns to triple dots

Somewhere along the way

When we decide to give up

Instead of try and try again

Scared that the next step

No matter how optimistic

Will just end up being the end