Naturegirl @brenda-cc - Tumblr Blog

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whispers-of-the-rain

Things to tell yourself:

I am strong.

I am mighty.

I am beautiful.

I am brave.

I am loved.

I am needed and important.

I am not a burden.

I’ve gotten through tough situations before; I will get through this, too.

I will cry when I need to.

I will stand up for myself.

I will fight hard for what I want.

I will not fail.

I deserve good things.

I can do this!

disabilityhealth

The cycle of horribleness

Pain makes stress worse

Stress makes depression worse

Depression makes fatigue worse

Fatigue makes pain worse

Repeat

The first big fall

Well, it finally happened. I had my first big fall earlier this week. I actually fell twice (as I was trying to get up). I was sore in my left arm for a couple of days. I thought I got off lucky. But yesterday, I started having numbness and tingling down my arm and hand. Found out I have some type of nerve damage in my arm. It may be temporary or could get worse. Having balance issues suck. I know this wont be the last time I fall. It makes you very skittish walking anywhere.

#balanceissues #neuropathy #chronic illness

This cat is our rescue cat, Friday. Every night, she sleeps by my pillow. Due to chronic pain and nerve pain, I toss and turn a lot. She stays in her spot no matter what. It makes me feel so much better that she sticks with me through it all.

#rescueanimals #chronicpain #nervepain

Me vs. You

Just because I do not constantly complain about my pain, doesn’t mean it isn't debilitating. Complaining about my pain doesn’t help. It just upsets those that love me.

I suffer quietly. It is my choice.

#chronicpain

omgmysticmoonblog-blog

Christmas is coming...

I used to celebrate Christmas as a kid but as I got older I felt there was no need to celebrate Christmas. But this year I gave myself over to the Lord. Now I know there is reason to celebrate Christmas. This is Christmas I will celebrate Jesus my one and only savior. I am so excited for Christmas this year and years to come.

brenda-cc

So does that mean you are putting up the decorations? :p

spoonie-living

Chronic Illness and Gaslighting

(Just going to start with a big ol’ disclaimer that this piece considers the concept of gaslighting in a very abstract sense, and takes the dynamic outside of the realm of purposeful abuse. Psych majors, please be nice.)

A few weeks ago, I made a very big life decision. I had thought about it for a good long time, and only took action when I was 100% sure of myself. I approached my doctor for assistance… only for him to misunderstand my intent, despite multiple explanations and rephrasing. Not only that, but he consistently encouraged me to do the exact opposite of what I’d planned. He brought up the fact that I should consider cognitive behavioral therapy, despite the fact that my concerns were physical, not mental.

You know how this story ends. I doubted myself. I wondered if I was truly making the right decision, even though I had thought about it for ages, even though I had just been feeling incredibly self-assured… I believed in myself, and it only took one person to shut that down. Now, my plans are on hold as I search for a doctor who will take me seriously, and I am constantly thinking things like “maybe I was just being a wuss, maybe he’s right, maybe I’m going about it all wrong, maybe I’m imagining it, maybe I’m just being dramatic.“

Like I said, this is probably very, very familiar to you.

True story: after about two years of chronic illness, I no longer trust myself and my judgement. And it’s not because my judgement has turned out to be wrong–in fact, my judgement has been proven correct 99% of the time. But with the constant contradictory input I receive from others, that confidence just collapses.

Enter the concept of gaslighting. Wikipedia describes gaslighting as:

a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted/spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

Now, as much as I’d like to believe it, there is no conspiracy, no underground group of people committed to messing with you. In most cases, there isn’t even a plan or an intent to abuse. Nonetheless, the dynamic described here is spot-on: spoonies are incredibly likely to experience the emotional effects of gaslighting throughout their medical journey.

Think about all the times a few words from a doctor or a loved one have left you wondering if you were just imagining your symptoms. Think about all the times when you’ve pushed yourself to do something you know you can’t do, because someone else told you you could and should. Think about the state of your self-confidence when it comes to your health. It may stand tall, but it topples at the slightest of breezes.

You are being gaslighted. By doctors, by society, by friends and family, even by yourself. Every day, the small contradictions chip away at your confidence, your belief in your ability to determine what’s best for you.

So remember this the next time you don’t trust your own judgement. Remember that your judgement is digging through layers upon layers of self-doubt to get to you. Respect all that it’s overcome to give you whatever signal you’re getting, and listen to yourself above all others.

kellxroserave

As a psych major and someone who has been gaslighted/emotionally abused by doctors, family, friends, and significant others, it is important to realize that doctors today are taught to go by the textbook and not listen to the patient like they were in the past. They will gaslight you without realizing they’re doing anything wrong.

You need to speak up. Say, “no, you are not listening to what I’m saying. You are twisting my words to make me question myself.” You could even tell them straight up that they are gaslighting you. If they refuse to listen, refuse to talk to them.

This is something years of suffering have taught me. You don’t have to suffer. You just have to have the courage to not let people talk to you like that. (Easier said then done, I know especially if you have mental illnesses/disorders such as social anxiety.)

I’m alway here to help.

spoonie-living

fanTASTIC commentary!

brenda-cc

I just had this happen with my Dad. He said it was all in my head.