Bright Brave Heart

My name is Aja. I'm nineteen going on ninety, the library is my favorite place in the universe, my major is English but everything else is Undecided, I'm super neat, I eat a plant-based diet, and I'm a proud introvert.

[aspoonfuloflissi]

It’s Friday yay! Finally this stressful week is over and the weekend is there which shall be lots of fun 🎉 For breakfast I had the usual bowl if oats topped with fresh berries, banana, peanut butter and cacao nibs 😊

[brightbraveheart]

are you ever coming back? do you still check these? anyway i hope you are doing okay and that your departure is because life is going really well and not the opposite. i hope you know there is no shame in struggling and we support you here through thick and thin. miss your posts but hope life is fulfilling and wonderful <3

Aww, you're such a lovely person :) I've been absent on here for two reasons: one, I've been crazy busy between school/running Her Campus/my remote internship/freelancing/my social life/training for a half marathon (!!) and also I've come such a long way in recovery I don't need Tumblr as a safety blanket anymore!

I don't count calories, I don't weigh myself, I LOVE going to restaurants, I eat whatever the heck I want, the number of fear foods still on my list is steadily declining... It's awesome!

So thank you for checking up on me; I hope no one has worried. I plan on doing a longer update with pictures later!

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Beautiful Sunday mornings at the beach with my babe 😉 (at Avila Pier)

[brightbraveheart]

Hey guys

I wanted to check in really quickly and tell you all how I was doing! Obviously I've been posting nowhere near as much, mainly because I've been so busy. But I also haven't felt the need to use Tumblr to help me recover, which is soooo positive for me.

My life has changed dramatically. :) Yesterday, I got down to the main campus around 1, practiced with my group for an hour, went to class (and did our project), went downtown with my friend for a Her Campus project until 5, met my other friend for dinner, ate my whole lovely dinner and didn't feel guilty at all, came back home, and hung out with my friends till 9. I went to bed early because I had woken up at 5, but that's almost my whole day spent with people, and I LOVED it!

Today, I'm studying (4 midterms next week), volunteering at the Culture Fest, going on a date, and then studying more at night. :)

And tomorrow, I'm going to a coffee shop on the beach with my friend and then getting ready to run the HC meeting/actually having the meeting. We have almost 70 people on our staff. 

Like... I'm go-go-go all the time but it's not exhausting or overwhelming, it's wonderful. 

Oh and yesterday? I had all of my normal meals, PLUS coffee cake, PLUS brownie, PLUS the mediterranean, PLUS a big bowl of apple and pb oatmeal (notable because of the huge gobs of pb I swirled in.) I'm doing so well on that front.

Anyways, final note: I LOVE RECOVERY. I'm happy!

[brightbraveheart]

UGH

Not a fan of this insecure feeling. But if I never open up or give people a chance I'll miss out on some amazing relationships Just gotta keep chuggin'

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I think you mean 'random and normal', Weird and normal are two contradictory statements

Nope, I meant exactly what I said :) my intake was normal in its weirdness--the average person makes scattered and strange food choices!

[brightbraveheart]

Today I randomly had

A coconut pancake from a food festival/party my best friend was volunteering at, bites of pumpkin ice cream with PB chips and white cheddar & turkey Mac n cheese at trader Joe's, a huge huge bowl of sweet potato quinoa chili, lots of baby carrots (sorry not sorry) overnight oats with mango and PB, and greek yogurt with baked oatmeal. It's such a good intake because it's so weird and normal and I love it:)

[brightbraveheart]

Hiking instead of doing cardio tomorrow. I can handle this. :)

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Acai bowl with pumpkin granola, banana slices,and toasted coconut chips :)

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Woke up at 5:30, worked out, went to the library, ate breakfast while writing, interviewed the chief outreach officer from Levo league, studied, went to a study abroad info sesh, went to my student library association meeting, studied, ate lunch while writing, went to french, went to food science and nutrition, currently walking home. I'm pooped.

[brightbraveheart]

to the last anon, it might not be your disorder making you feel fat, but it is your disorder telling yourself that how you are is unacceptable. you are perfect exactly as you are because you are alive and that is a biological miracle.

Love this :)

[brightbraveheart]

I feel so fat and I don't think it's my eating disorder making me feel this way. I'm not skinny anymore and I hate myself because of that.

Why? Why were you more worthy of your own love when you weighed less? Were you more of a person? No--you were literally and figuratively a shadow of what you are now. Being unhealthily skinny (not just in terms of pounds but in terms of how you got to that weight) doesn't mean you have self-control or willpower. It means you're sick.

I can tell you that by weighing more you can accomplish more, you can do more, you can be more. Things are possible that weren't before. Embrace your new life, and far from getting angry at yourself, tell yourself thank you. You did what was necessary, and from an outsider's perspective, I can also reassure you that you did what was right. 

Don't mourn the pounds, celebrate the potential. 

Whoever you are, I'm sending you my love until you're capable of creating your own. :*

[brightbraveheart]

I want food but my ed isn't letting me eat. And I know that if I do eat I'll end up purging. Help.

You say your ED isn't letting you eat BUT YOU HAVE THE POWER. I'm learning in my Food Science class that everything starts to shut down when you don't get food--you need those nutrients. Can you do something for me? Can you get something to eat, and can you eat it, and the whole time, can you think, "This is for my parents, my teachers, my friends, AJA, everyone who wants me to eat." Do it for them if you can't do it for yourself. And then come back and message me and I'll tell you not to purge. 

I KNOW you can beat this, because I'm beating an ED right now. It's possible. I got your back. Let's work through this together. <3

[brightbraveheart]

hey chiquita, how are you? will you give us a general life update?

Yeah, of course! :) I'm doing really, really well. I feel very fulfilled and challenged by everything in life right now.

Really enjoying my classes. I'm taking Intro to Shakespeare, Medieval Lit., Intermediate French, and Food Science & Nutrition.

I'm also balancing a remote internship, being EIC of my school's Her Campus chapter, writing for several publications (paid! woop woop), and being on my school's Student Library Board.

Plus I'm working on studying abroad for fall semester 2015--it looks like I'll be going to South Africa!! :D

I'm also starting to apply for several internships on the East Coast for summer 2015.

There's kind of a guy in my life... Pretty sure he's interested. We'll see how it goes. :)

I'm super happy with my roommates and friends. Almost every day I have a warm, glow-y feeling from realizing how loving, thoughtful, and fun people I'm surrounded by.

AND I DON'T COUNT CALORIES. I'm so happy about this because I never thought that was something I could pull off. I'm still not over it. :) :)

Hmm, what else... I've been doing super well at budgeting and saving money. I've been loving experimenting with recipes and trying to make yummy food at a low cost and it's been working well! Earning and spending my own money FROM WRITING is the best.

Thanks for asking/caring/reading :***

[brightbraveheart]

Walking back to my apartment this morning... So cool

[brightbraveheart]

My friend got these for me and I haven't even finished the caramel apple ones yet! D:

[brightbraveheart]

I made my own grilled eggplant wraps!! :)