the weight of living

so much math hw ... 0_0 omg Calla what r u wearing??

anyway I have too much tired so I’m off to bed. g’night anyone who’s still lurking.

ow. oowwwwww ow ow my heart.

Proteusssss.

-curls around Stormy-

#/ooc #also hi errybody

a drop in the ocean {tag: briseis}

Likewise, she felt oddly at home in the archaic language—not quite as old as the one spoken at the beaches of Ilion, but still incredibly nostalgic. Fortunately nothing in this life had yet given her cause to flinch at the touch of an old friend, but the stars had aligned to make her especially prone to anxiety in this turn of the wheel. Since she arrived on the Isle, and in her few encounters here, she had become very fearful, and her reflexes showed it.

“You know I can’t help it, Proteus,” she countered, the accompanying smile weighted with some dismay. “I’m beginning to envy your continuity,” she admitted. It would have been so easy, she had thought many times, to take the route he had, and end her ceaseless cycles … for so long she told herself it wasn’t what she wanted, but now … it started to seem like a viable option.

Briseis followed his gaze, catching Zafer’s eye quickly to reassure him all was well. Gladly taking Proteus’s arm, she leaned against him lightly as they walked. Though his body had no heat of its own, it warmed her heart to be close to her old friend once more. “The same as usual, really, but … I decided not too long ago that, this time around, I wanted to seek out help, find someone powerful enough to end my curse … I just feel so tired,” she sighed.

Over various lives, she’d tried everything she could to earn the favor of the gods, the forgiveness of the one who cursed her, but to no avail. She’d tried to forget her pasts, force herself to live in the present, but her memories couldn’t be erased so easily. After so many years, her desperation was unbearable.

“I met someone who told me about this place, about all the magic here … I thought it was worth a try.” she shrugged. “If there is someone out there who can break it, they would likely be here, right?” She was second-guessing herself at every step, and turned to Proteus with eyes pleading for encouragement.

That was surprising. Briseis had never seemed to want what he had taken with so little coaxing; an endless life with only one beginning and one end. “I must admit I envy your chances to be a new person,” he countered, voice soft as he considered his own new beginning on the Isle - and all the tied him to the past and the coven. Shaking away the thought, he grinned. “Though you always end up as lovely as I remember.”

Taking the sandals hanging from her hand, he started them away from the figures down the beach. In time he would find out who the man was and what he meant to Briseis, but for these few minutes he was happy to have her all to himself. Nodding, he listened intently to her tale. He was familiar with the pattern she weaved through time and the eternal ache that seemed to haunt her.

“Oh?” Hoping to ease her sorrow, he’d been about to tease her about who exactly she had met. The words shriveled and died when she looked up at him. Pausing in his stride, he met her pained gaze squarely. “The Isle is filled with magic. There will be someone here who can break it.” At what price, he didn’t know.

And worse, if she succeed in breaking her curse, this would be her last life. It was a cold truth, and it burrowed into his bones with a sting. But her desperation, her need to be done with it all was plain in those blue-grey eyes. He found his voice and spoke his own truth. “I will be here to help you every step of the way, you’ve my word.”

As Proteus shielded her from the wind, he silently prayed he could protect her from whatever else may come.

A new person, yes, but each time haunted by the same misfortunes. “When you put it like that, it sounds nice, but ... it’s not that easy.” She might have been a new person each time, but she had to grow up anew in every era, as a woman having to overcome the constraints placed on her by society, unable to speak the truth of who she was for fear of being charged as delusional. She had to bear the weight of living in solitary silence, except for the rare occasions when she encountered others who were more than merely humans.

“You always make it better, though,” she added with a smile, giving his arm an affectionate squeeze. The men in her life tended to complicate things, to only bring pain and heartbreak, but not Proteus.

“Thank you. That means so much to me.” Briseis saw the pain behind Proteus’s supportive words, and glanced away, pursing her lips. “If it makes you feel any better, I am having second thoughts.” Perhaps there was a better alternative to throwing herself into Hades by any means necessary. The price of the magic required was likely to be too much to bear. “I just can’t continue the vicious cycle any longer.”

At first she had wanted to reunite with those she’d lost, but over the ages her desperation for peace overshadowed any of that longing. Nothing had made that clearer than the spectral encounter with her long-dead lover in November. However, she was beginning to see that perhaps it wasn’t eternal peace she truly wanted, but control; something she’d never had.

Briseis glanced back to the worried expression on her friend’s long face. “What do you think I should do, Proteus?” She valued his opinion immensely, he had to know that; and she doubted herself more than ever.

-pokes dash-

anybody here? o^o

#/ooc #its so quiet

a drop in the ocean {tag: briseis}

As his impulses stepped in where hers had frozen, she felt laughter melt over her rigid features as she hadn’t felt in quite some time. Breathlessly, she beamed up at him once he set her down, her hands resting lightly on his chest. When was the last time she had been so happy to see anyone? Without fear and without anger? She honestly could not recall at the moment.

Ever affectionate, ever excitable, Proteus had not changed, aside from a haircut in the current style … and the somber shadow that passed over him as she realized her error. “I’m sorry … forget I asked,” Briseis offered weakly, slipping into an ancient dialect spoken when they’d first met. By all reasoning, he should have been asking her what she was doing here; he at least fit in with the population.

His touch was not unwelcome, but caused an involuntary shiver before she relaxed into it, her eyes closing momentarily as she gave a contented sigh. Laughing softly, she met his gaze once more. “I can hardly believe it, either.” It had been so long, more lifetimes than she cared to count. “I’ve missed you.”

Even it if was expressing cheerless thoughts, the return of his long dead language brightened Proteus’s countenance all the more. “You are always forgiven, my Briseis,” he said, falling back into his language with ease. It was a simple as diving into the sea, and the warmth of being with her as enveloping as the waters.

Concern flared in his eyes at her shudder. About to withdraw, he relaxed as she leaned into it, flattening his hand to cup her cheek. With her eyes shut, he took the moment to study her. Was the shiver just from the cold? He prayed Briseis’s infamous bad luck hadn’t followed her here, though he kept that thought well shielded from the Gods. They had messed enough with her life – though some selfish part of him was glad they had.

The worried glint in his eyes was gone when she looked up at him. “You barely remember me, time after time,” he teased, nose crinkling in mirth. “It is I that must miss you every day.” The weight of the truth found in those words settled on him. “And how I’ve missed you.”

Pulling away, Proteus glanced up and down the beach. “But what are you doing here? The fantastical never seemed your style. Come,” he said, offering her an arm. “Walk with me and tell me your story.”

Likewise, she felt oddly at home in the archaic language—not quite as old as the one spoken at the beaches of Ilion, but still incredibly nostalgic. Fortunately nothing in this life had yet given her cause to flinch at the touch of an old friend, but the stars had aligned to make her especially prone to anxiety in this turn of the wheel. Since she arrived on the Isle, and in her few encounters here, she had become very fearful, and her reflexes showed it.

“You know I can’t help it, Proteus,” she countered, the accompanying smile weighted with some dismay. “I’m beginning to envy your continuity,” she admitted. It would have been so easy, she had thought many times, to take the route he had, and end her ceaseless cycles ... for so long she told herself it wasn’t what she wanted, but now ... it started to seem like a viable option.

Briseis followed his gaze, catching Zafer’s eye quickly to reassure him all was well. Gladly taking Proteus’s arm, she leaned against him lightly as they walked. Though his body had no heat of its own, it warmed her heart to be close to her old friend once more. “The same as usual, really, but ... I decided not too long ago that, this time around, I wanted to seek out help, find someone powerful enough to end my curse ... I just feel so tired,” she sighed.

Over various lives, she’d tried everything she could to earn the favor of the gods, the forgiveness of the one who cursed her, but to no avail. She’d tried to forget her pasts, force herself to live in the present, but her memories couldn’t be erased so easily. After so many years, her desperation was unbearable.

“I met someone who told me about this place, about all the magic here ... I thought it was worth a try.” she shrugged. “If there is someone out there who can break it, they would likely be here, right?” She was second-guessing herself at every step, and turned to Proteus with eyes pleading for encouragement.

a drop in the ocean {tag: briseis}

Deep, measured breaths tempered her anxious pulse as she thought about what she could do next, how she could possibly begin to find the answers that had escaped her for centuries. She’d tried just about everything short of magic, and that’s what she was here to find … even if the thought of some of its sources and consequences terrified her. Still without any breakthrough ideas, she became aware of someone approaching, and turned to see …

… an astoundingly familiar set of features, belonging to one of the very few supernaturals she knew, and one of the only people in the world who knew her for who she was. Blue-grey eyes widened considerably beneath alert brows, blinking in surprise. Briseis’s mouth fell open, slow to recapture her words as she simply stared in amazement at a very, very old friend.

“Proteus …!” she managed to gasp, torn between stunned silence and the urge to abandon all caution and embrace him excitedly. “W-What are you doing here?” she eventually asked, feeling a smile begin to break over her previous melancholy like a cresting wave.

Only when he was sure she knew him did his large hands grip her waist. He swung her off her feet, lifting her above him and twirling them both through sand. As he grinned up at her laughter spilled over his lips. He wasn’t sure when he had last laughed like this, when the world had felt this beautiful. At last, he stopped spinning and gently deposited her back to the ground. Hands resting lightly on her sides, he stared at her for a long moment in silence, drinking in her features. How had he ever lived without being able to see those eyes? That smile?

Realizing belatedly that she had asked him a question, he tried to collect himself. The answer was a dark one of blood and mud, and his gaze slid away from her. “I… Things happened.” There was a bite of regret in his words, but he shook his head and waved away any concern with a hand. “It’s not important.” And with her here, in front of him, with her heartbeat in his ears, it truly wasn’t.

With hesitant fingertips, he touched one of her sharp cheekbones. Part of him thought she might disappear at the touch, fall away into dreams and beams of sunlight. “Gods, Briseis. I can’t believe you’re here.”

As his impulses stepped in where hers had frozen, she felt laughter melt over her rigid features as she hadn’t felt in quite some time. Breathlessly, she beamed up at him once he set her down, her hands resting lightly on his chest. When was the last time she had been so happy to see anyone? Without fear and without anger? She honestly could not recall at the moment.

Ever affectionate, ever excitable, Proteus had not changed, aside from a haircut in the current style ... and the somber shadow that passed over him as she realized her error. “I’m sorry ... forget I asked,” Briseis offered weakly, slipping into an ancient dialect spoken when they’d first met. By all reasoning, he should have been asking her what she was doing here; he at least fit in with the population.

His touch was not unwelcome, but caused an involuntary shiver before she relaxed into it, her eyes closing momentarily as she gave a contented sigh. Laughing softly, she met his gaze once more. “I can hardly believe it, either.” It had been so long, more lifetimes than she cared to count. “I’ve missed you.”

a drop in the ocean {tag: briseis}

A cold gust of air buffeted against the vampire, rocking him back on his feet and catching the loose sleeves of his sweater. The day had proved cool for the beginning of April and the weak sunlight was doing little to combat it. Unaffected by it, Proteus relished in the moment. Not the silence - no, he found enough of that at home. Even though Jami had proven to be a delight, it didn’t mean that Proteus didn’t need a moment away from her boundless energy and her miraculous ability to question everything in his world with just a look. When he had left her - locked in the house with a cat for company - he had intended to go to the library, and for a few hours, find himself surrounded by answers, not questions. Instead, his feet had taken him to the shoreline.

Wrapping his arms around himself, Proteus leaned against an outcrop of rock, setting his sights on the tossing sea.

Pulling her scarf closer to her face, keeping her limbs close to her body, Briseis marveled at how cold the shore remained, even when Spring was supposedly in full bloom. This was certainly not the Aegean, and she was a long way from home in more ways than that. Despite the chill, her sandals dangled from one hand as she found peace in the sand beneath her toes. The unfamiliar Northern winds were buffeted by nostalgic footsteps, the rhythmic sounds of crashing waves, and the taste of salt spray in every breath. All were sensations that provided comfort to her in even the worst of times.

Slowly, she told herself, she was going to let go of the crippling fear that had overshadowed her determination ever since she arrived. Glancing back over her shoulder, she saw that Zafer was still keeping an eye out for her while he chatted with some surfers further down the shore, and she grinned appreciatively at him before continuing her solitary stroll. The griffin was a godsend, truly, but she needed to find her own courage, and learn how to navigate this uncharted world for herself.

She turned toward the waves, breathing deeply and meditating on their power: the ever-changing and yet ever-constant strength of the ocean, the adaptability of water as a state of matter, its beauty and its unstoppable force. Be as the sea, Briseis … you are strong in your perseverance. She repeated the mantra in her mind, and occasionally under her breath, inhaling the soothingly salty air. Sighing, she felt briefly at ease, forgetting the untold dangers around her.

Movement caught Proteus’ eye. Turning away from his favourite view of the ocean, the man shifted to a more comfortable place against the rock and watched the oncoming figure. When he saw the sandals swinging from her fingertips, he tried and failed to swallow a smile. It was obvious that she felt winter’s last dying breath, but that hadn’t stopped her from truly enjoying the beach. That alone was enough for him to feel the familiar tug in his chest. As if some metaphysical hand had tangled in his heartstrings and was now pulling him in her direction. His feet stayed where they were. It was obvious that her mind was elsewhere and she didn’t seem open to the idea of company.

Besides, he had played with the heat of new encounters one too many times.

About to glance away, Proteus stopped short. Was it the way her head had tilted? The fall of her shoulders? Or maybe his keen ears had picked up enough of her murmured comment? Surely it was just that his life had been filled with women on beaches, the wind in their hair and their sandals in their hands.

And yet he couldn’t shake the feeling. Unwrapping his arms from around himself, Proteus pushed off the rock and started towards her. “Excuse me,” he called when he was still a few feet from her. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her. “This might sound like a line, but do I…” His voice trailed off as his eyes widened. Of course he knew her.

Deep, measured breaths tempered her anxious pulse as she thought about what she could do next, how she could possibly begin to find the answers that had escaped her for centuries. She’d tried just about everything short of magic, and that’s what she was here to find ... even if the thought of some of its sources and consequences terrified her. Still without any breakthrough ideas, she became aware of someone approaching, and turned to see ...

... an astoundingly familiar set of features, belonging to one of the very few supernaturals she knew, and one of the only people in the world who knew her for who she was. Blue-grey eyes widened considerably beneath alert brows, blinking in surprise. Briseis’s mouth fell open, slow to recapture her words as she simply stared in amazement at a very, very old friend.

“Proteus ...!” she managed to gasp, torn between stunned silence and the urge to abandon all caution and embrace him excitedly. “W-What are you doing here?” she eventually asked, feeling a smile begin to break over her previous melancholy like a cresting wave.

a drop in the ocean {tag: briseis}

A cold gust of air buffeted against the vampire, rocking him back on his feet and catching the loose sleeves of his sweater. The day had proved cool for the beginning of April and the weak sunlight was doing little to combat it. Unaffected by it, Proteus relished in the moment. Not the silence - no, he found enough of that at home. Even though Jami had proven to be a delight, it didn’t mean that Proteus didn’t need a moment away from her boundless energy and her miraculous ability to question everything in his world with just a look. When he had left her - locked in the house with a cat for company - he had intended to go to the library, and for a few hours, find himself surrounded by answers, not questions. Instead, his feet had taken him to the shoreline.

Wrapping his arms around himself, Proteus leaned against an outcrop of rock, setting his sights on the tossing sea.

#aaaand take 2 #proteus tow #wellp this one actually turned out better so.#meh. i forgive you backspace button.

Pulling her scarf closer to her face, keeping her limbs close to her body, Briseis marveled at how cold the shore remained, even when Spring was supposedly in full bloom. This was certainly not the Aegean, and she was a long way from home in more ways than that. Despite the chill, her sandals dangled from one hand as she found peace in the sand beneath her toes. The unfamiliar Northern winds were buffeted by nostalgic footsteps, the rhythmic sounds of crashing waves, and the taste of salt spray in every breath. All were sensations that provided comfort to her in even the worst of times.

Slowly, she told herself, she was going to let go of the crippling fear that had overshadowed her determination ever since she arrived. Glancing back over her shoulder, she saw that Zafer was still keeping an eye out for her while he chatted with some surfers further down the shore, and she grinned appreciatively at him before continuing her solitary stroll. The griffin was a godsend, truly, but she needed to find her own courage, and learn how to navigate this uncharted world for herself.

She turned toward the waves, breathing deeply and meditating on their power: the ever-changing and yet ever-constant strength of the ocean, the adaptability of water as a state of matter, its beauty and its unstoppable force. Be as the sea, Briseis ... you are strong in your perseverance. She repeated the mantra in her mind, and occasionally under her breath, inhaling the soothingly salty air. Sighing, she felt briefly at ease, forgetting the untold dangers around her.

aaaaAAAAgh i was getting close to being done with this reply and then pressed backspace too many times and lost the whole thing. creye. i’m sorry for taking forever Stormyyyy.

#... oh.#ic reblog #came across my personal dash and was extremely relevant

fy-magnificentcentury

gnossienne

Strolling through Istanbul with someone who was a stranger to the city I’d lived in my whole life lent me a different perspective on that life, on the city, and on my memories. When we come across something beautiful or interesting, how much of that is the city itself, and how much of it is our nostalgia? How beautiful or how interesting can a city be without the benefit of our memories? And when buildings, bridges and squares are demolished, are our memories erased with them?

Orhan Pamuk (x)

Ok but like. The Isle is probably one of the only places where movies like that could be openly shown? Are some supernatural movies passed off as human in a massive, meticulously-constructed ruse? Outside of supernatural-only communities, are they distributed on a sort of black market? Can you only download them on the “ghost web” or whatever the special section of the internet for supernatural folks is?

Also the fact that magic could make them unbelievably better than human movies makes me wonder, though, what about amateur supernatural filmmakers? Maybe they don’t have a big enough budget to afford multiple takes on the big spells, or aren’t skilled enough at their illusions—or alternatively: their magic is astounding but their camera skills are atrocious and their movie flops due to the most mundane of reasons. So many possibilities.

annarper-tow

Or what if magic looks amazing in person but doesn’t translate well to screen? Or doesn’t show up at all? Or you open your camera at the end of the day’s filming and find film goo melted by that last take when the demon character made their entrance via eldritch portal? Or what if some films were debuted to live audiences and no one realized that a gorgon’s stare would work through the medium of digital recording because it didn’t ever cause any problems with old school film? Cutting the film during editing alters the spell within the film and alters the outcome of the scene or the whole movie.

AND THEN there would be a whole avant-garde artsy genre of experimental editing that plays with the idea that cutting a spell on film produces unexpected visual effects, or splices together found-footage/archived clips of different spells to create an abstract, surreal experience. Maybe these spells are used in a sort of 4-D way so that instead of spraying mist from the back of the chair in front of you or rocking the floor like humans do, the spells LITERALLY make you feel like you’re part of the action by creating the atmospheric effects in the presentation space/around the viewer!!

Ok but like. The Isle is probably one of the only places where movies like that could be openly shown? Are some supernatural movies passed off as human in a massive, meticulously-constructed ruse? Outside of supernatural-only communities, are they distributed on a sort of black market? Can you only download them on the “ghost web” or whatever the special section of the internet for supernatural folks is?

Also the fact that magic could make them unbelievably better than human movies makes me wonder, though, what about amateur supernatural filmmakers? Maybe they don’t have a big enough budget to afford multiple takes on the big spells, or aren’t skilled enough at their illusions—or alternatively: their magic is astounding but their camera skills are atrocious and their movie flops due to the most mundane of reasons. So many possibilities.