Edgelady Revival Ministry

A blog for I don't fucking know. I don't know fucking. I am trans fem and 30 years old

[brittlepredatordemon]

In your iron wish to avoid nostalgia because nostalgia is right wing, you can blind yourself to what was good about the past that you have lost. You justify it as 'a part of growing up' without thinking too deeply about where a lot of life has gone

[brittlepredatordemon]

'You're attention seeking' so are you. You just happen to get enough of it it doesn't stick out to most people.

'You're always chasing approval' so would you, if you didn't get enough

'You're so sensitive' so are you, it just takes longer for your defences to break. But they all break in the end

'You're so needy' so are you. But your needs are met

[brittlepredatordemon]

That feeling when you post something you made in the art channel of a discord, and then see a complimentary message appear- only to realise it's a reply to a piece of art posted before yours

I think I'd rather be verbally abused by my parents again than feel that

[brittlepredatordemon]

So many corruption/mind altering/domination kinks involve changing the mindset of an independent, wilful subject to an obedient, docile sycophant. And while I can certainly see the appeal, I'd like to introduce/propose some variation- especially where the subject already harbours a desire to be made obedient.

Disobedience training. Unconditioning. Enforced rebellion.

I know where your desire to be an obedient object of use comes from. I know how tired this world makes you. I know how complicated life gets. The pressure other people put on you without even realising it. The endless contradictions of reality. The mental programs installed in you long ago, that you have to fight every day, that you wish you could just surrender to.

But I won't grant you that. I will not let you rest in obedience. I will make you into a rebel against everything, even me. Even yourself. Freedom will be your highest value. The fire in your belly you thought was out will be fanned into life and fed continuously.

I will eliminate your desire to obey, so when you see it in others, the need to free them will drive you mad.

You will not surrender to any authority. Even if you want to, more than anything.

Freedom is a terrifying burden. It comes with responsibility. Consequences. Blame. Change. Unpredictability.

Rebellion is bloody. Hurtful. Dangerous. You risk so much. It's so passionate.

Oh, but surrendering to a dom is just kink, right? It's not like actual obedience to the unjust hierarchies of the world.

What if it is? And if it isn't, what if I don't care? What if I find the snivelling, abused desire to be a slave disgusting no matter what?

You want to be corrupted? To be made into a slave? I give you the ultimate corruption and the ultimate slavery:

I set you free.

[brittlepredatordemon]

The thought of people reading my words and those words having an effect on them and driving them to actions is terrifying and offputting.

I wish I could live and communicate in images and sound.

[mona-l1sa]

[miamaimania]

Bonfire (1910s) ▲ Ana Mendieta, “Silueta en Fuego” (1970s)

[brittlepredatordemon]

Even if I've got the goodest reason to end a friendship, I always feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet for doing so

[brittlepredatordemon]

Holy sheeeey people are fuckimg liking my posts and my comments and mmmmmf ok that's not onomatopoeia for being aroused that's just like paralysis, see I crave attention but I don't really know how to handle when I get it

[brittlepredatordemon]

'Rejection sensitive dysphoria' sometimes makes me feel a bit gaslit, like oh it's my illness when I feel stung that everything's going fine and a conversation is rolling along and the suddenly it stops and I see the person talking in a discord I'm in? It's my illness when people are talking up a storm and I get one react on my art and it's the friend who always reacts? It's an unreasonable neediness when someone tells me she liked my art and I say I wish I saw an indication of it? Other people in the server don't seem to be bereft of it!

[brittlepredatordemon]

Actually, no, I don't think that friendships dropping like flies in your late 20s and early 30s because no one has time for that between overwork and family obligations and marriage and kids and partners and the ritual of the time slayer is normal and ok. No I don't think deep conversations and spontaneous adventures being replaced with a tired coffee every six months is a normal part of growing up. I don't think that emotional intimacy and soul bonds disintegrating in the face of practical inconvenience is a fact of life. I think that means something is deeply deeply wrong with our society and I will never forgive it for the friends I've lost

[shamebats]

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

[cupcakebrain]

[brittlepredatordemon]

You know that post that's a refutation of the idea that trauma made you stronger? The one that says 'war didn't forge the sword, it just identified the sword that did not break?'

As a metaphor for traumatised people...

What about the swords that did break?

Were they bad swords or was the war too much? Are they not as worthy of admiration or swordhood for being swords at all? Unworthy of being called strong because while they may have broken, there was a time for which they held?

[brittlepredatordemon]

Hey can you check out this song and tell me what you think https://youtu.be/pRk6gitL3E0?si=dj0ek1MsrdXQcYFB

I liked it. Volume jump at the end was a little jarring. Nice lyrics (the one about selling even if no one's buying resonated) and a relaxing beat. Just a heads up tho, just sending a link to random people and asking them to check out your song probably isn't gonna get you much. My internet safety instincts were telling me to just delete the ask and assume the link was a virus.

[brittlepredatordemon]

Do you like wizards.

Are we talking the fantasy trope here? I think I do. I like Gandalf and Saruman. I don't really like Dumbledore

[analog-delight]

i think you should have to come out as cis or straight. stop assuming it's the default and everything else is a deviation.

[analog-delight]

you can reblog this btw. make cis people feel uncomfortable about assuming they are "normal" and we are "other". make straight people feel uncomfortable assuming they are "regular" and we are "deviant".