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@brittslifechronicles-blog
35 days til I finished clinical. 69 days til graduation. 120 days til my 31st birthday. And I’m trying to figure out what I’ll do after graduation and for my birthday. God has been so good to me this year. I blocked my ex, making all a’s and made it through Valentine’s Day without feeling sorry for myself for being single. Woot woot. I’m looking forward to whatever God has for me in this season....
Dirty 30
So I’m back and I’ve turned another decade older 😱. Never end my wildest imagination did I think I would 30 years old without a husband or kids. I’ll admit I was in a relationship for a min and I fell in love which was scary in itself. I’m still currently hurting and even though we shouldn’t be together, I miss him so much. I remember saying at the beginning of the year I wasn’t going to be single in my bday and I wasn’t but we broke up two days later bc of lie he told. So it makes me question the entire relationship, did he lie about anything else? Did he really love me? How come we couldn’t overcome this? I guess I’ll never know....
It is hard bc all I want to do is talk to him. Be with him. Accept things I shouldn’t bc I love him. And that right there folks is not true love. If I’m not worth the time to him, why should he be worth it to me. It was nice to just have somebody, but I don’t want just somebody, I want the one God created just for me. And as depressed as I feel that I’ll be alone for forever, I have to choose to trust God knows what is best for me. One of the scriptures states, that God is closest to the broken-hearted, so I know he’s close to me right now. But my human side just wants him sit beside me and just wrap his arms around me. One day this pain will be gone and it will be another testimony and it’ll be able to help somebody.
It’s February!!
I’m finally finding my way again with school, it’s so stressful working full time nights plus school but with the grace a God I’m making it. I’m scared of what the future holds, due to having to find a clinical (gotta line up 2 more) and figure out where to do them at. It seems like it’s flying by literally. Did I mention I’m youth director at my church??? So on top of everything I have going on, I still have to interact and get things together for them. I’ll admit, I’ve slacked off because of school, and other drama that is totally unnecessary, but I feel like God is tugging on my heart to get back into it.
This is one of my shorter post but I’ve just had 3 test in a week and about to have another one, so I need to get back to studying. Made it through another day so God I’m thankful.
End of the Jan 2018
Maybe one day I’ll make these blogs public, but for now it helps to clear my thoughts and express them without judgement. I am so tired of fickled men. They say one thing and do another 🙄. I’ve done a lot of growing in my single season, and I’ve got to say it has been an experience. Sometimes I want a relationship so bad, but then I’m afraid of being hurt so usually I back off if I think they like me too much. Also, the men I’ve dated have been some doozies and the stories I have will make for an excellent book.
Moving on, I’m also in graduate school to be a family nurse practitioner. And it’s hard and I’m scared I won’t be a good one, but God wouldn’t have allowed in the program if I couldn’t have done it. I have to quit doubting my myself and just know that I am smart enough to handle this load. Which brings me to another point, with my long term relationship after it ended, I was a complete mess for a good year and half. Didn’t want to leave the house, crying, stuck in my room, pain indescribable. I remember praying and praying but it felt like it wasn’t working. Then I got real honest with God and with him as my guide I took my first steps out of my self-induced misery. I’ve done more without my ex then I ever did while we were together. But I can admit now I’m lonely and it sucks sometimes. I just want someone consistent who doesn’t want to change me and takes me for who I am. I know God will send the right one in his time. But it’s hard waiting, so hard. But I will keep on living my life and try not to dwell on it
New year New journey
I’ve never been a person who is super expressive with my feelings. I instead internalize them and go quiet instead. Background on me, I love God, ima nurse, and I been heartbroken. Trying to move past the heartbreak has been one the hardest things I’ve ever done. But the growth and change in me over the last 3.5 Years has been amazing. I’ve traveled out of the country, went to concerts, went on dates and have great stories to go along with them. But during the process, I learned what I would tolerate and what I wouldn’t. I also evolved with my relationship with God. I’ve learned that he does things in his time, for example I prayed that God would lead me to my future husband and to get rid of the distractions. Still haven’t got the man but in the mean time, my phone has never been drier... No text, no calls or anything! So, I know God is listening and preparing me. But if I’m honest it does get lonely. And sometimes it does make me feel like what is wrong with me that I don’t see, but since I am trusting God, I will pray those negative thoughts away and focus on the good. I don’t know who this will reach or if it’ll help anyone but here is too new things in 2018
#dirty30in5months
#learningmore
#livelaughlove
Here we go!!
I was talking to my sister about a month ago and told her that I needed to start a blog bc I can't make this ish up! I guess I should introduce myself first.. I'm Britt, single, and crazy about Jesus. This wasn't always the case though. Although I've always thought I had a pretty good relationship with God, it wasn't til about two years ago, that i realize that I was severely lacking. And ever since that time, I've been trying to find out who Brittney is as a woman. When you're in the lowest place of your entire life, you find out who your true family and friends are (shoutout, y'all the real mvp's). I had them pray for me, encourage me, give me scriptures.. But I still felt dead on the inside. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful for people to pray for you, but what God longs for most is to hear from the person. He wants a relationship with you. He wants to be the one you cling to, not only in the bad times but also in the good times. So during the first few days, I felt I would cry out and God wasn't listening. I mean why would he? I hadn't been praying like I should, attending church like I should, putting my relationship with my ex above him. But I pressed on. I kept praying and I started reading my devotionals. I wanted God to hurry and fix the broken girl. I won't lie, it took some time and I did some really dumb stuff during that time to try to bury the pain. It still wouldn't go away. The only thing that made me feel better was praying to God and him sending signs that I would be alright. I think I will end right there bc as we all know it usually gets worse before it gets better right??? Always remember to turn the page Britt S