.that third wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Last night I went out with friends for the first time since last summer. I was really excited about it all day; I treated myself to a new dress and I spent some extra time on my appearance. Then to my surprise (and ultimate dismay) I saw that we would be joined by another person. A person who plays nice to me in front of others, but who hasn't bothered to hide her dislike of me when alone and online. A person who craves attention so much she has this unfailing need to command others attention, even if she has to go to great lengths to attempt that. A person who has treated my other friend badly at times too (talked about her behind her back, abandoned her when she most needed it, drunkenly embarrassed herself at said friend's wedding, etc) Needless to say, my night took a downhill turn from there.
I don't mean to sound like a jealous ex-girlfriend, or another bitchy girl. But it bothers me so that this girl continues to treat her supposed "BFF" with total disregard for her feelings, and this friend either knows it and pushes it aside, makes excuses for her behavior, or she honestly does not see it as toxic behavior. I feel it is my place, as her friend, to "help her see the light" but another part of me wants my friend to figure it out on her own. Even if it ends up hurting her. Which is has, in the past. This friend has complained to me before of this other girl's behavior and how it's hurt her, and of course I sympathized. Inside I was jumping for joy, overjoyed that my friend had finally seen the light! Alas, these two still continue their friendship.
The three of us used to be a tight-nit trio. We were quite the fixture at parties and events. But as life started to take serious turns in the road, forcing us to grow up, our friendship started to fade away. I still retained my one-on-one friendship with someone, but as for the other girl, her spoiled & entitled attitude began to wear on me. Add to that the fact that she was hurting my other friend's feelings without so much as an apology for her actions. Plus, this girl barely expressed any interest in my life or my issues, which is a basic prerequisite for friendship. I didn't mourn the end of that friendship at all.
Now that I've laid out our history, back to my night out: This girl was cordial to me at the beginning (as was I) but I kept hoping & waiting for her to get a text from some random guy (which is her MO) and abandon my friend & us to go off to "something better". Just my luck, she ended up stringing along for the rest of the night. And as usual, I was made to be the third wheel, just as I was in the past. Once again I wasn't privy to their frequent bathroom trips, their inside jokes, or even the gift of a drink from them. Secrets weren't whispered in my ear, laughter wasn't shared, pictures weren't taken with my arms wrapped around them. I vowed to myself, as I used to do, to not allow their behavior to affect me again. I was with my fiance, I felt beautiful, screw them right? Too late-I could feel myself feeling like I used to, a small little mouse huddled in the corner, begging for the little bit of cheese offered to her, knowing even that it's slightly poisoned, but you just need a nibble so badly. It really put a damper on my evening; I hated myself for feeling this way, and them for making me feel this way. (BTW-like it's totally rude to invite yourself to MY movie night with L) Sometimes I would get the courageous thought to take charge myself, whisk my friend away to the dance floor or wherever, but with those two attached at the hip...
It's always been this way, these two cocooning themselves in their own little "bestial" world-they would go off to parties that I apparently wasn't privy to, sharing inside jokes and stories, sharing trips to the bathroom, buying each other drinks, creating online photo albums of their adventures, holding movie nights. I thought we were a trio! used to run through my mind in those days. Why aren't I cool enough to hang out with you? A part of me can look back now and see it from this girl's POV; how she must have felt when my friend and I would do our own thing without her. But it didn't come close to their twosome activities. I kept hoping (selfishly perhaps) that my friend would realize how much of a good influence I was for her, how I always had her best interests at heart, how loyal I was. I so much desired her to cut the ties to this other girl, once and for all. They were for a while. But just recently they have decided to patch things together again.
I honestly have no clue on what to do. It's not like I'm going to distance myself from this friend if she continues to be friends with this girl; that's immature and it's her life. I think it's asking a lot to ask her not to have this other girl around when we hang out; especially if she can't see her faults as clearly as I can. If and when we should all get together, I will play nice. But I'm also getting sick and tired of having people make me feel this way. Unfortunately there's no Third Wheel for Dummies book in the market yet.
dededos
kianamaiart
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
izzy806
ellievsbear
