It’s going down; I’m yelling Tinder
Now, I’m not going to front like I’ve ever had a “real” sugar daddy, because I haven’t. However, I am extremely smart and have noticed that things for me have changed since I began doing this in December, and I’ve recently caught (and kept) the attention of two whales, I’m going to give advice that has helped me immensely become a more experienced SB.
All of this is advice anyone can use, honestly. It’s about what comes out of your mouth, and how these men may perceive you in the beginning. Basic communication.
Why I began sugaring? Because I’m tired of being broke.
In the beginning: I had prepared, but not enough, for what I was indulging in. Seeking Arrangement was not working for me, at all. Craigslist gave me decent men here and there, but most of them were creepy guys or guys that had already responded to my ads a million times. SugarDaddie never really worked, and I’m pretty sure most of the profiles on that site are fake. Freestyling I’ve never even covered, because I have crippling social anxiety.
Tinder has, and always will be, the best medium I’ve used to sugar. That’s where I’ve met my whales and true potentials.
As of late: Seeking Arrangement is still garbage, CL is dry, SDaddie I don’t even mess with, and freestyling remains the same.
Tinder remains the medium in which I get better results. I talk to these men the same way I’d talk with a vanilla.
Back when I began: I’d constantly get asked things like, “what do I get out of things?”.
No one has even mentioned such to me lately. I’d have a copy paste saying shit like,
“Hi x! I like x, y, z, and I am seeking a f, g, h. I don’t have a lot of time to date/don’t date guys my age/etc. Let me know if this is something that you are interested in.”
It wasn’t working for me, and I was receiving results from guys that weren’t material for what I was even looking for. Also, Tinder had already froze two accounts of mine, and I didn’t want there to be a third.
I was simply spewing what I had to offer, but after a while, after too many CL responses of men giving me the ultimatum of sending my photos or facing a waste of time, I decided that I was the boss.
These men are here for me, not the other way around. So, I cut my losses, and changed my attitude.
So, on Tinder, instead of messaging men, I decided to let them come to me. I decided to make it so easy and transparent for them to know what it is that I am seeking. My most recent profile went along the lines of the following:
City I live in. University of X grad, class of Y.
Adjective about yourself, adjective about yourself, and adjective about yourself SB.
If I am swiping in your city, I will be there next/I’m coming for you/insert projected dates of trip.
My entire point was to put SB SOMEWHERE in my profile. Not sugar baby, but SB. So, when a man asks me, “Where you from/what are you looking for/school, etc.,” I can tell if they have even read my profile in the first place, and also saves a lot of small talk, bullshitting, and time. There are some men that say that they aren’t looking for gold diggers/SBSD, and it’s only fair to be upfront if that is your thing.
Also, when they ask the questions above, you can hit them with the “did you read my profile?” in a playful way, to make them feel stupid. If they ask what a “SB” is, I unmatch. I do not entertain it for another second.
None of my photos were really risque, except for the first one. It caught the attention of many, many men. The rest were all of me, headshots, because I didn’t have body photos that didn’t cut my head off in the “square” cropping.
NOTE: Men are visual creatures, I get it, and I said fuck that because I’m unconventional, and it worked for me. I’d still suggest putting out photos of your body, if you can. It will save you one of my steps.
So, now you’ve matched and he begins to speak to you. Now what do you say, what do you do?
I suggest remaining in control of the conversation, at all times. This way he will see you are not acting flakey, and also gives you control over how much you get to learn in the beginning, and about what, who gets to talk more, and very importantly, what their career choice is. It also shows him that you want to know the man, himself, and when money talk comes he cannot say that’s the only things you are interested in.
Did they have a fun day/weekend? If it’s a weekday, I ask if they are being productive, this gives me incentive to ask what they do for a living, without it coming “out of the blue” (a past mistake.). When they answer, I respond with my own job, saving them a line. Depending on their profession, I either continue speaking, or cut it.
Now, this only applies to people like me who are after men primarily 45+, but somewhere in the mix I always ask the man if they always date a woman 20 something years younger than them. This will say a lot, as a SB, as what he responds with could be a red flag, or signs of experience.
If he says yes, you can ask him how it worked out.
If he says no, personally, I consider it cut at that point, but don’t always write them off. Most men want a younger woman, but someone in the past had incentive to date this man. Why?
I always mention myself that I prefer older men, don’t have interest in dating men my age, so he can get rid of that deep down feeling that I’m just doing this “for the money.”
If he says shit like, “yes, I once dated a woman around your age, and we had a lot of fun together. We would go out, dance, shoot the shit, and have amazing sex. Unfortunately, we broke up, she moved away/wanted other shit/other bullshit”
I cut it. Nothing in there mentions helping her, or doing anything not vanilla. He’s probably vanilla.
Now, if they bring up, “what are you looking for?”, what I do is similar to what I read from @sugardaddyjournal. In this post, he explains an outline of how to tell a man you are looking for a SD. I don’t quote that verbatim.
In fact, I can’t believe I am saying this, but you should never quote any advice from a Tumblr blog or otherwise, verbatim. A bunch of other girls are already doing it. Don’t copy and paste shit. If you have issues with thinking for yourself, and basic communication, I would highly suggest getting that worked out before pursuing any of this.
I ONLY tell them what I am seeking, when they ask me, or when they are getting closer to asking me on a date. What I say:
To be completely honest, POT, I am looking for an ongoing relationship with a man that can enhance my life, and is happy to do so. If being a SD is not your thing, I understand! But, that is what I am looking for.
STRESS “ONGOING RELATIONSHIP”. Many men use SB as another word for “escort” and may be looking for just that. If you’re not okay with p4p, I suggest stressing “ongoing relationship”.
Now, if he has done it before, this is the part where he brings that up, or he brings up how he does not need to “pay for sex”/”gets pussy all day blah blah blah. If it’s the latter, cut it.
If it’s the former, I immediately derail from that and go back to him. What does he like to do? Where is he living? Has he ever been to your hometown? Get to know the damn man.
WHAT I DO NOT DO ON TINDER:
I do not bring up allowance. Ever.
Mainly my paranoia of becoming reported again, but I just don’t do it. I judge by his profession and history of being a SD if he is true potential. It’s still pretty early to ask about that, as I would be upset if he asked about sex and shit that soon as well. Somewhere between meeting and the meet and greet, I suggest having that talk. Just not over Tinder.
Now, another thing that I mention about myself, to be safe.
I tell them my body type. I’m a size 14, Coke bottle/figure 8 shape, with 36E breasts and a round ass. To some many men this shit matters. This is a superficial line of sex work. If a guy only dates women a certain type, cut it. I am highly intelligent, educated, and am loyal to a fault. If a man doesn’t see that because of my size, he isn’t worth my time.
Just so we are on the same page, POT, do you have any reservations about voluptuous/bigger/curvy/fat/skinny/colored (yes, this matters to some as well) women?
If he doesn’t care, I’ll feel dumb but relieved. If he isn’t into it, he probably will dry up, or lie about it, to be honest. All the same, cut it.
From there, take note of everything that he says. How does he speak to you?
This is universal. If a man speaks to me in any of the following ways…
Extremely sexual, asking for tons of photos, nude photos, dirty talk, or general time wasting
Asks “how much are you looking for?” and does not budge
Extremely overbearing in talking to you, but does not talk about helping you, or even showing interest in doing so
One, it’s sexual harassment to ask me sexual shit when I don’t know you from a hole in the wall. If they ask for pictures, I ask for money. Quid pro quo. Fuck their feelings.
Two, if he has been a SD in the past, he should be willing at some point to tell you how he plans to benefit your life, and that is also regarding an allowance. I always tell them that I cannot be trusted to write a number on a blank proverbial check, because I do not know their means. When that doesn’t work, I tell them a number “in the mid-to-upper 4-digit range”, or tell them a specific number I received in the past. If he won’t take it, he can’t afford you.
Three, guys like that are probably more vanilla and lying about wanting to be a SD, or want to “spoil” you with mediocre gifts here and there.
Voila. This is how I sift through the bullshit. It’s a much clearer way of avoiding the long game, and avoiding being “too quick”.
The most important part of this entire post
Now, I will reiterate that if you cannot speak for yourself, and cannot communicate adequately, you will waste your time. You should not be asking your peers things like “what do I say when he asks what I’m looking for?” “what should I ask as an allowance?” “if a man is asking for nudes, what do I do?”
You should already know what you are looking for, and not looking to another SB, who is in another place in life, for the answers to what you should have decided in the first place. You should not be looking to strive for things other people have worked for. They look differently, speak differently, walk, talk, have a totally different personality, etc. You can’t be someone that you are not. You have to be confident in who you are because these men can smell the bullshit and weakness.
If you really can’t figure it out, treat the man like you would any cute vanilla boy. It might be easier to charm his pants off this way.
Don’t let the luxe porn and money shots fool you, this shit will not happen overnight, two nights, months or even a year. You have to work for it, and deal with a lot of bullshit. Patience will always help you in the end, because a lot of this is truly luck.
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