HEY NOW

f. rosencrantz • 22 • catapult chaser you'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow.

[brozencrantz-blog]

                “Right, ten sickles if you can guess who i’m dressed as.” Rosencrantz scuffs at the gravel-covered ground with the toe of his boot, an unfamiliar thread of anxiety preventing him from entering the party just yet. It was probably nothing. He just wanted to make a grand entrance, didn’t he? That was probably it. 

“And don’t try to tell me we’re not supposed to dress up as things, you’re not wrestling the joy of Second Halloween away from me.” The strange feeling settling in his gut aside, the catapult chaser was quite proud of his attire for the evening, simple though it was–– a simple mask, a black suit, his normally dark curls lightened to a more honeyed shade.                      . . . .               Then again, he did dress up as Benvolio every single year. 

[ameliawritessometimes]

“Nice to see the Catapults setting their bar low,” she remarked, more to herself than to him, but it was still meant to get her (not very kind) opinion in. She deleted the note, though it likely wasn’t obvious to him as she slid it back into her pocket. “Sounds like you don’t get exposed to many reporters.”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“Trust me, I’m usually very careful about who I expose myself to.”

“..but really, uh–– please don’t publish that.. I don’t know who’d kill me deader, my manager or my mother.”

[isalajefa-deactivated20180917]

“Wow, I wish I had something like that all my life. I’d have escaped so many embarrassing situations…”

“But anyway, I’m sure if you tinkered with a few spells you could figure something out! Although yeesh…now that I think about it that’s probably really difficult. Maybe we could spare our brains the strain and just fund someone else to find a solution?”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“Now, see? That’s a good idea. That’s solid brain power right there, that is. Just pay someone else to do it while we sit back and enjoy the results. I like the way you think.”

[littlestcatapult-deactivated201]

“I hope by ‘where they are’, you mean on your person, underneath your clothes, covering everything they should be covering. If not, I really don’t want to know.”

“Excuse me? I, a seasoned criminal, could’ve been a great asset to your team. You may have heard of The Great Carrot Stick Hijacking of o’five? Yeah. I was the mastermind behind that. Your loss, buddy.”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“...yeah. sure. on my person. let’s stick with that story.”

“That was you? I must say, I think I’ve underestimated you, Jules... but you must prove yourself further before I allow you into my inner circle.”

[magcutio-blog]

“Brozencan’ts, we’re both well aware that if this competition concerned a certain specified portion of anatomy, I’d blow you out of the bloody water. There’s a damned good reason only one of us was voted ‘Best Arse in Quidditch’ and it sure as shit wasn’t you, lad. I’d tell you to look for yourself but I’m sure you already have.” 

“You know, that makes a lot of sense! I’ve always wondered how you could possibly manage to be such a sub-par chaser and you’ve finally answered the burning question. Not only are you dumb as a rock, you’re blind as a Texas salamander. In case you aren’t following– because you do seem to have a hard time following, love; quaffles, bludgers, statistics, social cues, civilized conversations– being unable to see and-slash-or think kind of contributes to you being absolutely terrible at your job. Wow. Just like that, one of life’s greatest mysteries, put to rest.” 

[brozencrantz-blog]

“Best Arse? Oh honey, no–– that’s sweet. You were voted ‘Biggest Arse in Quidditch’. Don’t get confused, they’re f a r from the same thing. And in any case, if you think you’ve the better arse between us, even glasses won’t save you. I know a great doctor who does eye-work. I’ll give you his card, yeah?”

“You know, it all kind of makes sense now... You’re so blatantly obsessed with me– desperately trying to convince yourself that you’re a better player than me, reading up on my habits and personal information.. it’s taking up so much of your time, isn’t it?  Is that why your techniques on the field make it look like you haven’t showed up to a practice in months? I’d say you’re getting sloppy, ‘Cutio, but let’s be honest here.. your broom is probably the only thing keeping you afloat in this business.” He leans in close, voice lowering. “And that’s only because it’s charmed to be inherently buoyant.”

[serpentundertheflowers-blog]

“Does your mind always operate this low to the gutter, or is that something special you reserved just for me?”

“And by rose bushes, I mean beautifully delicate flowers with thorns sharp enough to make you bleed. You decide if that’s a metaphor for something.”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“I’ll let you be the judge of that.”

“...I don’t know if that’s supposed to be threatening or–– is that what you’re into? I wouldn’t think you’d be the type to bring that kind of stuff up in casual conversation, but hey, no judgement.”

[serpentundertheflowers-blog]

“If this is your biggest problem right now, I think you’re probably doing pretty well in the world.

But when you run out of things to say about your career as world leader, don’t make the mistake of talking about your nonexistent love life. That’s how you end up at your cousin’s wedding, rubbing the back of the man you bribed into being your fake boyfriend as he pukes into your rose bushes.”

[brozencrantz-blog]

Rosencrantz stays silent for a moment, gazing at the other.           “.....Now, when you say rose bushes... I just wanna be clear here, because that sounds like some kind of metaphor for something–  and I mean, hey, I like metaphors as much as the next guy, but at the same time, I’m not entirely sure what you mean by–” and here he pauses to curl his fingers into air-quotation marks. “––puking.”                           . . .                                 “In any case, I don’t think I want anyone doing that to my rose bushes.”

                           “Also, what are rose bushes, exactly?”

[ameliawritessometimes]

Sia smirked as she typed away in the notes of her phone, “Frederick Rozencrantz Jr., unfortunate chaser for the Catapults, lies to mother regularly about personal successes.” She looked back up at him with a sly grin. “What an interesting article this would make. I’m sure mum would love to read all about it.”

[brozencrantz-blog]

         He blinks. Rapidly.  “Diiiiid I say my name was Rosencrantz? Uh– no, no, I’m not him. Oh, you thought–– You thought, because of my hair or something– no, no, I’m not him. We look alike, but I’m an entirely different person, actually. My name is... uh––”                               He pauses.  “...................Fr–... Freddy... Rosen..bloom. Senior. And I, uh.. work in computer.. stuff. And things. So, uh, there’s nothing really news-worthy here. Sorry.”

                      “....(..Nailed it..)..”

[magcutio-blog]

“Ouch. Unfortunate.”

“Crying shame that every time the mid-season stats roll out the lot of you are just a touch behind the four of us. Then again– suppose you’d get used to it after a while, hm? Tail end… Bottom of the barrel.”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“What’s that about my tail end? You really must stop this shameless flirting, it’s starting to make you look real thirsty... though I can’t say i’m surprised. No one can resist a good Catapult, can they?” 

“Oh, you think we’re the bottom of the barrel? That’s cute, it really is. I don’t know which stats you’re reading, but anyone with a pair of eyes can see that there’s obviously a superior team here, and it’s not the one you’re on.”

[isalajefa-deactivated20180917]

“Sarcasm definitely makes life more interesting. Although, sometimes it can get a bit pesky. I know some people (read: Beatrice) who spout off sarcasm so often that after a while you’re never sure if they’re serious or not.”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“See, this is why I’m such a big believer that life should come with subtitles. When someone’s being overly sarcastic and you can’t tell if they’re serious or not, imagine if there was just a little line of text, about shoulder level––”          He gestures broadly, intent on getting his point across.                   “––parentheses, sarcasm in use, close parentheses. Eh? Right? No more confusion.”

[littlestcatapult-deactivated201]

“Fine, exclude yourself from the opportunity to wear neon green yoga pants. Or in other words, live a completely unfulfilled life. Hm. …I worry about you sometimes, Rosencrantz. That sounds like a good way to get a wedgie that you’ll probably need surgery to get rid of.”

“…Do you have some sort of sinister pizza heist plan you’re not letting me in on?”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“Trust me, my underpants are perfectly fine where they are.”

“........I don’t want to say anything incriminating, but if I did happen to have a sinister pizza heist plan, I wouldn’t be able to tell you without immediately neutralizing you afterwards.            With my amazing skills.                            Skills that must remain unspoken of.                                                     . . . .                                                        I’ve said too much already.”

[bones-lejuste]

You know now that you mention it, I think I remember hearing about that- let your opponent kick your ass fourteen times and then really show them who’s boss! Have you ever though about being a War General? I see a real future there for you. 

[brozencrantz-blog]

“Uh huh. Go ahead, poke fun, stay in your little bubble of ignorance–––” He bobs his head, shoulders moving from side to side. “That’s when we’ll strike to take ya down, when you least expect it.”

[bones-lejuste]

And actually give you an opportunity to win the cup for once? Not a chance, Rosencrantz.

[brozencrantz-blog]

“Oh, we’ve always had the chance, Benny. We just like to let you think that you’re a good team.                            . . . It’s a very ancient strategy, I wouldn’t expect you to have ever heard of anything like it.”

[ofhals-blog]

“You’ve obviously never met a Pakistani mother. My mum asks me forty times a week when I’m getting married. Then she asks if I have something I want to share–she has it in her head that I have bastard children or something.”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“Here I was, thinking I had it rough–– my mum only asks about thirty-five times. What do you say to calm her down, though? I usually just tell mine that i’m too busy with all the promotions to look for love.”

[littlestcatapult-deactivated201]

“That is pretty embarrassing, huh? Better take control of your stats this season so you can give her something actually real. You want to get on my conditioning plan? We start at 5 AM. There’s yoga and wheatgrass involved.”

“If you’re unofficial Commander in Chief of the whole universe now, can you get me free pizza?”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“Me, Yoga? Oh no, I prefer to s p e c t a t e when yoga is involved. And wheatgrass just sounds ridiculous. You should get on my plan, which involves not getting off your broom until it becomes a serious medical issue. Or you fall. Whichever one comes first. It’s failproof, I swear.”

“...Isn’t all pizza technically free if you’re not the one paying for it, though?”

[isalajefa-deactivated20180917]

“Brilliant! I knew I could count on you to find stellar sage advice. It’s almost a bit sad how easily it is to fool muggles by telling them the truth, especially if you add a dash of sarcasm. But hey, I’m certainly not complaining! It makes our job easier by a long shot.”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“You can fool just about anyone with the right amount of sarcasm, really–– and that’s what makes the world beautiful, isn’t it?”

[bones-lejuste]

“If you get caught is the key phrase. I don’t make it a habit of getting caught, especially when dealing with… grass.”

[brozencrantz-blog]

“Heh...... Grass. I– I get it.” He motions between them. “I get it. Yeah. Maybe you should quit Quidditch and become a comedian.”