“Oh Isabella, you don’t need to worry about that stuff. We will make sure you’re working properly, but part of that is you not being uncomfortable. Despite what Doctor Strange may say at times, I’m sure he doesn’t want that either.” Alyce was probably lying to the girl, but she had to make her feel like they all cared about her, even in a small way. She just wanted to make sure that Isabella knew that Alyce cared the most.
She hated to see the discomfort in the girl’s eyes at all of the experiments they inflicted on her. The young doctor would make sure to have words with the team, no matter if they took her seriously or not. The latter was more likely, but she was sure it wouldn’t be long before she was in charge herself. She was sure of it.
“You can tell me anything my dear, I will always promise you that.” This wasn’t the same girl who ran into Arkham’s grasp all of those years ago. The girl who rarely loved seemed to be transformed now that she had somebody to protect. Somebody who she could nurture so that they could handle themselves. Even the other staff had noticed a difference. She shrugged it off as professional interest though, but they all knew better.
The question threw Alyce slightly. Not in a bad way, she always encouraged Isabella to be inquisitive, but she had never really shown much interest in the doctor’s life. She couldn’t help but think that maybe this was some sort of indicator of trust. “I suppose it’s a habit. I’ve worn them since I was a little girl.”
Removing one of them she unravelled it to reveal the writing on it, she showed it to Isabella, wanting to prove that the trust worked both ways. “I don’t show many people these. This one says pride, which is something I feel about you.” She smiled once more as she took the rest of them out. “They each have a deadly sin written on them. They remind me that even though the people I treat are criminals, I myself am not free of sin.”
As Alyce spoke, Isabella tried to sit completely still, to avoid moving the rod again. She wasn’t sure, but she thought that it had to stay where they had put it. She didn’t like how it felt, when it rubbed against her muscles, but if she took it out, they wouldn’t be happy. And Doctor Strange had said that she had to make everyone happy.
“I don’t worry, Alyce,” she replied. “I have to do my part. That’s what Doctor Strange says.” He was always very serious, so Isabella knew that what he was saying was important. She had to do her part to help them, by complying.
When she had asked what that meant, he said it meant doing what she told always, even if what she was told seemed bad or gave her that odd feeling. Because she wasn’t a real person, he said that she sometimes had the wrong feelings about things. She had to ignore her own feelings and always ask him or Alyce, or one of the other doctors if she wasn’t sure.
She had noticed Alyce’s ribbons, because she noticed everything that was different about other people. Alyce’s hair was dark, and she had lots of coloured ribbons tied in it. Isabella hadn’t asked about them, because she hadn’t really understood that Alyce was real until recently. When Alyce was in front of her, she was real. But when she went away, Isabella assumed she stopped being.
Doctor Strange had told her that everyone existed even when she couldn’t see them, and this was called object permanence, and it was a very important thing. Isabella listened to Alyce’s explanation, but she got stuck on the words a little girl. Alyce had been a child, just like Alice in the book. Isabella was told she had been a child, once, but Doctor Strange said he would explain her past later, when she understood more things. He said it would only confuse her.
She looked at the writing on the ribbon, and blinked. Alyce was proud of her. She felt the warm glow again, like the sun was inside her chest, and she smiled, even though she didn’t fully understand. So, she focused on what made sense. “You need them to remind you of something about yourself that you might forget,” she said. “I understand. I need reminders too.” Anything that was similar about her and someone else made her happy, because it made her feel human, even though she wasn’t.
“They’re very pretty,” she said, because it was polite. She reached out and touched the ribbon that said lust on it, and looked up at Alyce, and tried not to blink again, so that she would understand that this was serious. “Why do you treat criminals? Do you want to?” Alyce had told her to ask questions if she didn’t understand, and she wanted to understand. It would make Doctor Sinner seem more real.
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