so i got into a fight with one of the closest people in my life last night, which obviously resulted in me getting a total of 2 hours sleep. I guess I'm mostly upset because I'm on the fence on whether it was my fault or their fault.
it was an innocent conversation between three people after a couple of beers, which i think was a big component on how a verbal argument became. I just feel strongly that what i had to say wasn't being heard, or wasn't being understood. One of my friends understood, and heard what i was trying to say. One of my friends didn't; and had a strong opinion that i shouldn't feel a certain way because of the way that they have impacted my life. They're right in a way though because they truly have impacted my life in such a positive, up-bringing motivational way. There is just so much that I need to work on as an individual within myself, stuff that literally only i can work on.
I have severely low self esteem. This isn't news. What is news is how it is starting to really affect my life; personally and professionally. I feel like while I'm at my job, i am Mr. Confident, i can do anything. Im trained, successful and happy with what i do. When I'm at home or on my own time, I'm down, un-happy, think poorly of myself and feel like i can't catch a fucking break. However sometimes i have such bad personal times, that i can't shake it when I'm trying to be Mr. Confident at work. For people who don't know me either, i have a career job, i don't work at the mall or anything like that. I do what i went to school for, what i have spent so much of my life working towards. So to see myself almost self sabotaging it is really only making me feel worse about myself.
So im not really sure where i stand with this whole argument thing. I feel like i was in the right, but did i take it too far? was i just over it, and lost it? it had felt like i was hit by a car, all my problems were in the car and i just went off the deep end.
so I'm at a loss. i'm exhausted from crying all evening.
I'm just exhausted.
