gavin @brvsix - Tumblr Blog

Oct 31, 2025

Bereft, a hucklerobby married AU

robby gives his email to an MS1 who seems promising. he never thought that student would turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to him. 12k words, smut warning, sorry not sorry, i love this fic.

Robby had a husband he didn't like talking about.

Ok, that sounded wrong. He loved talking about him. He talked about him to Abbot when they were getting drinks on their day off, he mentioned him at the grocery store when the cashier was doing the fake small talk about the ingredients he was buying, and he brought up his concerns at the vet when he was the one taking the cat in for check-ups. Janey even knew about him and he was going to tell Jake soon. But he didn't talk about him at work.

He wore a ring on the same chain as his Star of David, so it wasn't even like he was hiding. It was almost concerning the lack of observational skills his department had because it had been a year and it didn't seem like anyone had noticed anything. Robby started bringing meal-prepped lunches for God's sake. If that didn't scream ‘I moved in with someone that cares about me,’ then he didn’t know what did.

Robby didn't talk about his husband because there were some... judgment-worthy aspects of their relationship. Robby had gotten over the initial hangups he had about everything, but he knew his coworkers; he knew the way gossip went through hospitals like MRSA.

Robby was 25 years older than his husband. And most days, he was fine with that. In fact, he probably liked it more than any well-adjusted man would. His arrested development didn't seem to cause such an issue in this relationship for the first time ever in his adult life.

He also met the kid when he was lecturing his MS1 cohort, but Robby actually didn't really talk about that.

Post-COVID, Robby was a little lost. He never thought he would ascend to Chief of Emergency Medicine at such a young age. He thought he would know enough to save someone as important as Adamson was to him.

Robby threw himself into his job and Gloria wanted him to participate in research, so he got together with a large university to put his staff into the research pool of a study on the long-term effects of the pandemic on healthcare workers. It was self-reported but anonymous and voluntary, so Robby was hopeful people weren’t bullshitting him.

Somewhere in between all of the chaos of stitching the ER back together and everything becoming normal somehow, he had become an advocate of sorts for mental health support for emergency staff. It was ironic because Robby was basically a suicide risk and refused to talk about it with anyone, but maybe he could help himself by helping others.

Robby started his stupid seminars shortly after. He knew enough professors and sometimes universities even reached out to him to speak to their students.

Robby’s life changed at a voluntary seminar, not even for extra credit. Between professional ethics, embryology, and pharmacology 1, people didn’t really give a shit about it. But Dennis did. He switched his major because of the pandemic. He wanted to help because of everything people like Robby did.

Only four people showed up and Robby brought enough cookies for at least a dozen (he usually offered free food at these things, remembering being dirt poor). Robby wasn’t expecting a rager, but it was frankly disappointing, the lack of curiosity for the practicalities of practicing medicine.

But Dennis was in the front row, writing down the resources Robby highlighted, doing the breathing techniques with him. Nibbling on the cookies Robby made from his bubbe’s recipe. Still freckled from the summer, too scared to ask questions in front of the few people there.

He had gathered up the courage to approach Robby afterwards, though. Told Robby he admired him.

“I just really respect all of the work you guys did, even when we knew nothing about the virus and its long-term effects. I-um, you’re kinda incredible for getting through it, honestly.” The student, Dennis, awkwardly chuckled and held onto his beat-up backpack. Man, this kid is so sincere, Robby thought. Maybe he did get through it. Maybe he was on the other side of it all. Dennis seemed to think so.

Robby cleared his throat, not used to this type of earnestness outside of the ED. “I actually really appreciate that.” Robby reached into his bag for a business card. He didn't really even think about it at the time. “My email is on that. Feel free to ask me any questions you have about rotations or specialties. Or the study. Or really anything about coping with this career.” Robby made a flicker of eye contact before he went back to packing his bag again. They were the only ones left in the auditorium and it made their conversation seem so loud. Almost important.

“Thank you. I really appreciate you coming out on your night off.” Dennis looked around at the empty auditorium, “Even if my classmates weren't smart enough to take advantage of the opportunity.”

Robby huffed out a polite laugh. The joke wasn't even really a joke but Robby appreciated the pleasantry. It felt civilized in a way that a lot of his interactions couldn’t be. Not rushed or stand-offish. Easy. “I’m serious, you should email me if you ever want to talk about anything medical. I’m always up for some mentorship.”

“I’ll do that, Dr. Robinavitch.”

“Please, just call me Robby, especially if you're going to email me.”

“Will do! I’ll let you pack up and head out.” Dennis walked up the stairs and before he got to the door, he called out, “Thank you, Dr. Robby.”

Robby chuckled at the respect he had in his voice. He didn’t really deserve it, but it felt nice all the same.

And what do you know, the preliminary findings of the year one summary of the longitudinal study came out and nobody else seemed to care except for the student who had followed up with Robby a couple of weeks after that seminar. They talked about the methodology and Robby’s responsibilities for impartial data collection. There were some interesting data points on relationships between healthcare workers and non-healthcare workers being strained compared to both partners being healthcare workers, who seemed to report no additional strain in a statistically significant way.

Of course, Robby responded. Interest in the kids’ classes and professors seemed to be just the kind thing to do. You listen to my boring intervals and I listen to your woes with genetics. Robby had been the one to open the door to personal lives when he told an unflattering story about Dennis’s least favorite professor, but really, Dr. Glover was in no position to chastise any student for being hungover.

Midterms ended and Dennis came back to the regular correspondence after dropping off from it and Robby felt a curious relief. He mentioned having to buckle down on a class to ace a final to keep his 4.0 and Robby stupidly invited him to meet for coffee to talk it through, arguing he would be a better study buddy than another student who was probably equally confused. Dennis foolishly agreed.

They talked a little about the class but Dennis wasn't as turned around as he seemed to think he was. He was smart and intuitive. He would be a good doctor. A small ego with a big brain.

Dennis was the one who said they should do it again in two weeks. Robby knows it's cliché to blame the younger partner for the relationship escalating but it's true. The day Dennis didn't have classes or a test happened to be a day Robby had a shift, so coffee was off the table. Robby suggested a 24-hour diner between the hospital and the university.

“They have great burgers,” he said after Dennis had gotten there and greeted him. This time, the student didn't even pretend to take out his textbooks before he started asking the attending about his shift. Robby was happy to talk about it with someone. He hadn't had someone to debrief the day with that wasn't a co-worker in a long time. Dennis was fun because he understood all the medical jargon. Also, because he was cute and sweet and funny. Robby begged himself not to go there.

Then he ordered a strawberry milkshake without a cherry and extra whipped cream and Robby somehow melted. It was incidental that it was his Bubbe’s order. She would call him a sap for thinking she sent him. Robby thought it anyway.

They scheduled another dinner at the diner for the same day the next week. Neither mentioned the fact that this was supposed to be bi-weekly. They both knew what it was when the waitress didn't offer to split the bill and just handed the check to Robby.

Dennis talked more on the next date. He came from a religious family in rural Nebraska. He was going to get a theology degree and go back to his home church but he found passion in a required chemistry class, of all places. Robby didn't mention the incredible fact that chemistry classes were often where people's dreams of medicine went to die.

“It just all made more sense. Instead of asking all these questions that you couldn't possibly know the answers to about stuff that happened 2,000 years ago, these questions were being answered in the present every day. It was more fulfilling than I thought it would be. Also, my professor was really good and told me that I could help people the way I wanted to and honor my own strengths. I think she knew I wasn’t doing it for myself, y’know?”

“She sounds awesome. I’m glad you switched. She’s right, you can help people with those same skills that would’ve made you a good pastor or whatever you would’ve been. I’m Jewish so I don’t really know the ins and outs of that stuff.”

Dennis laughed a little self-deprecatingly, “I don't even think I would’ve been that good of a pastor. Certainly not for the church I grew up in...” He was looking down at his milkshake that Robby could barely stomach glancing at. “I realized I was gay the first year of undergrad and turns out that's not really welcome in Broken Bow yet. And telling everyone that I wasn't going to be a pastor and was in fact going to be queer doctor was kinda a lot for them.”

There was something unspoken between them. Dennis didn’t say he was on his own now but Robby just somehow knew it. Fuck this kid's family.

“I think it's brave to know who you are and live that, even when it’s inconvenient.” Robby took a big breath, hoping he was reading this right, “I grew up during the AIDS crisis. I was coming into the field just as the stigma was barely starting to lessen. I remember when anti-retrovirals were first becoming available and it seemed like the world was opening up.” Robby looked down to swirl his coffee. “I was bisexual, I guess I still am, I don’t know why I put it that way. But it just seemed easier to date women. I married one. I don’t regret that, but I do regret not taking a part of myself seriously because I wasn’t brave enough to.”

“Are you still married? You don’t wear a ring.”

“I’m not.”

“Oh, ok, good.”

Robby looked up. “Good?”

“Not that you got divorced, just...” Dennis looked nervous again like that time he approached him after the lecture. “Um, forget I said that, I didn’t mean anything by it.” He forced a chuckle.

And damn this all to hell. Robby doesn't even believe in that but he might as well come to terms with going there.

“No, you meant something by it. And I don't mind it.”

Dennis was stirring his milkshake, just to have something to do. “You don’t?”

“I’m going to be really clear because this is a little ambiguous for my tastes.” Robby finally caught Dennis’s eye. “I think you’re intimating that you’re into me and I would like to say in the most respectful way a man in his forties can tell a twenty-something that I am interested in you in a way that is beyond professional curiosity, so...”

Denni’s eyes got a little wide, eyebrows shooting up. “Wow, I wasn't really expecting that.”

The non-response had Robby questioning his instincts, “Did I read that wrong?”

“No! I'm like ridiculously into you! That's embarrassing I just said that but I just didn't think it was reciprocated in any way.” He nervously smiled. He was blushing a little, too.

Robby grinned a little. “I’m pretty...infatuated...with you. I know it's a little weird because of the age gap but I think you’re smart and funny. I was kinda hoping you would bring it up first.”

“I was trying to, I didn't know how without knowing if you were into guys, though.”

“It’s not really something I have a ton of experience with but I’m hoping you’ll give me a shot.”

Dennis smiled back. “I’m more than willing to.”

It was blissful.

Dennis and him kept their standing date but they also spent weekend mornings walking around the city, trying out coffee shops and going into stores Robby never considered before. He had lived in Pittsburgh a long time but Dennis was helping him rediscover it all over again. Dennis helped him discover a lot of things.

Instead of spending late nights in the library, Dennis would come over to Robby’s townhouse. Dennis tried not to seem as impressed as he was after living in student accommodations with twenty-year-olds for so long. Robby tried not to betray how much he loved impressing the younger man by just being a competent adult. A participation trophy for living long enough, he supposed.

They didn't try anything for a long time, despite Dennis sleeping over probably once a week, but it turns out Dennis was just as inexperienced as Robby. He never quite got around to anything besides some makeouts and heavy petting between the stress of school and keeping his scholarships. Also, Dennis sheepishly admitted, he’s ‘just not that into college boys.’ And, God, is Robby happy about that.

When it does happen, after Dennis’s finals for his second semester had gone well, it’s more than either of them was expecting.

Robby was expecting fumbling, out-of-sync attempts to intensify. He should’ve known nothing with Dennis would be anything besides steady.

Dennis woke up in Robby’s bed after passing out post-homemade dinner. Robby’s sauce was to die for, apparently. Without the stress of classes, he was focusing on other things when his mind woke up. Focusing on how Robby’s breath was on the back of his neck, how the man was just so big, how his hand had pushed up his shirt in his sleep to touch his solar plexus. And, yeah, Dennis was a sexually repressed 24-year-old; he was getting hard in Robby’s boxers that he had taken as his however long ago.

He tried to stay still about it. Hoping it would go away because he didn’t want to pressure the older man into anything. He had waited this long and was more than willing to wait longer if it meant Robby was ready. He knew he had reservations about a lot of things. The age gap, Dennis being a student, Dennis being a man, even if Robby wouldn’t ever say that out loud. Dennis wasn't offended by any of it. He knew how Robby grew up; he understood the man so deeply that it was hard to think anything uncharitable about him.

And his high opinion of the man he was wearing as a backpack was not helping his situation at all. The more he thought about how much he respected him, maybe loved him, even if that was scary to admit, the more his erection became unbearable.

Robby naturally woke up early and he and Dennis fell asleep early last night. Dennis needed the sleep, and Robby liked being there when he drifted off. It was an intimacy he hadn't had the pleasure of sharing with someone for years. So when he woke up and the golden light was coming through his sheer curtains, he squeezed Dennis into him. He just liked the man so much. Loved, the voice in his head said.

Robbys hand went to the man's lower stomach to get as much contact as possible and Dennis made this noise. Somewhere between a huff and a whine. As soon as it came out, he shoved his face into the pillow underneath him and said, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

His ears were burning with an embarrassed flush and it took a second for Robby’s brain to go online enough to realize the predicament. He laughed a little into the back of the man's neck. “What’s going on over there?”

“I just woke up and was already keyed up. I can just ignore it, though, we don't have to do anything about it.”

“Do you want to ignore it?’ It was said in an amused but serious way.

Dennis thought for a second, waiting for the hesitation to come. He had his own hang-ups around intimacy. Mainly surrounding insecurities about his body or inexperience. But the bad feelings just didn’t come. Dennis knew Robby. Knew the man was kind deep down, no matter how many bad things tried to threaten that. He knew he was safe in his arms. There were no reasons not to. He could only think of pros, no cons.

“No, I don't really want to ignore it, but I would rather you be comfortable.”

“Well, I’m very comfortable with doing something about it.” Dennis was practically panting. Robby’s thumb on his stomach started moving back and forth, which would be comforting if he hadn't been aroused for who knows how long. “Ok?”

“Ok, yeah. I really want to.” His voice was already all breathy. This was not going to take long.

That made Robby feel so good. He wasn't any more experienced with men, but he was very comfortable being in control. “You are going to have to turn over and look at me, though.”

Dennis’s stomach swooped at the easy teasing tone. He took a big breath to brace himself but he wasn't prepared for what he saw when he turned around. Robby’s beard was not laid down like it usually was when he up properly. He had bed head, and his breath was probably stale, but Dennis was grossly attracted to him so he never smelled bad to him. His eyes were the truly changed part. They were lustful and discerning. Absorbing all the details of Dennis’s body and face. Cataloguing for a response.

Robby looked at Dennis’s slightly embarrassed but desperate state and asked, “Ok?”

“Yes! I just don’t really know what to do.” Dennis was so good at being honest.

Robby gave him an encouraging smile and moved his hand to hold Dennis’s. “I don’t really know what I’m doing either. We aren't going to go all the way or anything, but I think I’d like to get my mouth on you if that sounds good.”

Why did he say that so nicely? Like offering to give his car a jump or something.

Dennis opened his mouth a little and nodded dumbly. Robby did that teasing chuckle thing that Dennis was equally humiliated and turned on by. They would have to visit that later.

“I’ll take care of you, don’t worry,” Robby promised. And Dennis believed him.

Robby started by kissing his mouth, not too differently from how he usually would. Maybe a little more insistent and...wet. But then he moved to kissing his cheek and his neck and his earlobe. Then he pushed Dennis’s shoulder that wasn't on the bed down until he was on his back and repeated with the other side, but this time he sucked. Dennis was moaning now; he thought he would be able to hold it back, at least for this part, but Robby had never done this before with this intensity. His hands were rucking up Dennis’s shirt (it was Robby’s but that was irrelevant). They were warm and big but so gentle. Robby pulled back a little to check in with the younger man but he could only see pleasure on his face so he continued.

Dennis was breathing heavily and when Robby was kissing his chest, he started breathing even heavier. Robby slid the man's shirt off him. “You’re incredible.” He had muscle tone from doing manual labor growing up and Robby loved it.

Dennis tried to talk but Robby moved his face down and licked one of his nipples and he forgot what he was even going to say. Dennis had never even touched that part of himself in that way ever but he guessed he liked it a lot? Dennis was making noises he'd rather not think about but Robby was just too good to him.

Robby’s hand went to that lower part of his stomach. The part he touched this morning that kick-started all of this. He stopped kissing, licking, and sucking, and looked at Dennis. Letting him clear his head for a second before asking, “Is it good if I touch you here?” The older man’s hand was hovering above Dennis’s bulge.

“Yes! Absolutely, please?” Robby just grinned and Dennis knew he was so fucked.

He did it over the boxers first, mostly just cupping him. It was so intense already, Dennis wondered what his mouth was going to feel like.

Then, Robby sort of grinded or rubbed his hand, Dennis couldn’t decide because his brain was kinda slipping out of his ears or something.

Robby pulled the boxers down a little after Dennis reacted so well. “I’m going to get you out of these and touch you for real.”

And Dennis was so gone that he said, “Thank you.” He was just polite to the core, Robby guessed. It was so cute and sweet, also hot. Robby moaned a little, grinding down a little into the side of Dennis’s hip. Dennis was happy that Robby seemed to be enjoying this too.

Dennis moved his legs to get them all the way off until he was naked. Robby took a second to take his shirt off to keep it even and Robby shirtless was always so distracting to Dennis. He had strong pecs and arms and hair. He was such a man and Dennis didn't know if he had ever been more attracted to anything. Real or imagined.

Robby was kissing down Dennis’s chest, down to his stomach and he moved his hand from the younger man's muscular thighs to the place he wanted it most. Dennis was unprepared for how overwhelming the feeling of someone else's touch was after all this buildup. He moaned loudly enough that Robby was thankful for the thick brick between him and his neighbors. He stroked him a couple of times, just to get him fully ready for what Robby had been thinking about for longer than he’d like to admit.

He moved his lips from Dennis’s stomach and had them hover over his pubic bone, eyes looking up for effect, yes, but also consent. Robby would never want to take something Dennis wasn’t offering. Dennis was already watching and nodded at the nonverbal question. That was really all Robby needed.

He put his tongue out to taste it. He was curious after all this time. It was kind of salty but mostly neutral. Dennis had showered before bed last night. He smelled like Robby’s soap, which did something to the older man. Robby felt like a horny teenager.

Dennis couldn’t look at Robby anymore if he wanted this to take the amount of time it probably should. But not looking meant being surprised when Robby started licking wide, wet strokes of his tongue. Dennis was gasping but that was better than yelling so he would take it. Dennis put one hand in Robby’s hair for moral support and couldn't resist looking back down again. If it went fast, it went fast. This certainly wouldn’t be the last time this was happening.

He looked down in time to see Robby put his tip in his mouth and hollow out his cheeks and that got Dennis moaning loud again. He was fighting not to arch off the bed and do something very rude.

Robby wasn't prepared to deep throat the guy or anything, but he didn't think he would have to. This seemed to be enough, possibly too much for him. A sick part of Robby loved how overwhelmed he was. How he was writhing and biting his lips to keep from being too loud. It made him suck harder and add his hand to the part below his lips. Then he moved his mouth up and down in conjunction with his hand. His other hand went on Dennis’s hip when it became apparent the man was going to be unable to hold back from thrusting without a little help. The hand stilling him ratched up the passion for both of them. Dennis pulled his hair accidentally, Robby grunted a little and it sent a current up Dennis’s whole body.

Before long, Dennis pulled a little more on Robby’s hair and whined, “I’m going to come.” He put his head back on the pillow. “I-It’s going to happen in your mouth if you don't pull off.” Robby doubled down on his pace. That and the thought of finishing in his mouth is what did Dennis in, truly. He was no match for that. He had honestly lasted longer than he could have hoped for.

Dennis' toes flexed then curled. He put both hands in Robby’s hair and closed his eyes. One day he’ll keep them open to watch this part.

And Robby kept his mouth there and kept sucking. He swallowed what Dennis gave him, not liking the taste as much as he liked the feeling of Dennis coming undone in his mouth. It went on for longer than what Robby was used to and he was almost jealous of the intensity. But also proud to have treated his boy so well.

He released him when Dennis let go of his hair and started whining again. Some day, Robby would fully take advantage of sharing a bed with a twenty-four-year-old but today was not that day.

The older man went back to his place on his side by Dennis. Giving him little pecks on his cheek and neck as he came down a little. Dennis was panting like he ran here from campus so it took a second for him to calm down.

“So, I’m guessing you liked it?”

Dennis opened one eye to glare but it was not effective when he was still red and out of breath. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t, you love me.” It kinda just slipped out. A natural response that would not have been even worth paying attention to in any other situation except for this.

Robby was about to apologize for bringing it up when Dennis said, “I do.” He had a kinda dopey smile. One that could be explained by the earth-shattering orgasm if it wasn't the one Robby had seen on him when he had him try the sauce for seasoning or when he massaged his shoulders after studying for too long. The smile with the crinkled eyes he's been seeing for a long time. The one Robby now wears, too.

“You do?” Robby knew but it was still a little unbelievable.

“Yeah, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Yay, we love each other!”

Robby laughed a little to keep from tearing up. This man meant so much to him in ways he couldn't even fathom.

“We do.” They looked at each other for another moment before Dennis saw that lust come back to Robby’s face.

He found the strength and coordination to go back to lying on his side. The younger man pressed his body, head to toe, to Robby, feeling that he was still hard. “Can I help you out with that?”

“You don’t have to. Watching you was enough.”

“I want to. I want you to feel good too.” The little minx tilted his chin towards his chest to somehow still look up at Robby through his eyelashes, even though they were lying face-to-face. “I want to make you feel good.” Dennis’s hand started caressing his waist and chest. Just touching aimlessly and if it were anyone else, it would just be intimate but with Dennis, it felt sensual.

They were kissing again. But this time they loved each other. Out loud. It was different, somehow.

“Oh, Denny.” Robby moaned between interlockings.

“Denny?”

“Shut up.” He muttered.

Dennis, now the one with the teasing laugh, “I’m trying to but you're making up nicknames for me.”

Robby didn’t think it would be like this. Didn’t know it could feel like this. Like he could hold someone while feeling held himself. Dennis may be younger but it felt like Robby’s life was starting right here.

Dennis’s hand skimmed down his body in a way that made him shiver. He twirled the patch of hair on his lower belly a little before reaching into Robby’s Pirates’ sweatpants.

He just held him for a moment, memorizing, but it felt like taunting to the older man. He hadn't wanted to rush something like this in a while. Hadn’t wanted to take his time with someone either. The warring impulses were debated by both his body and brain. Both wanting to prolong and delay for equally good reasons. Robby let the younger man decide for him. Taking what was given.

Robby resumed their kiss. Dennis started pumping after a second. He was dripping already so there was little resistance. He breathed out, long and steady. God, what was this kid doing to him? Hands had no right to feel this good. This lewd.

Dennis had little finesse, it was fine, though. Robby couldn’t imagine how he would act if Dennis were even better at this than he already was. The feeling of a simple jerk off was already almost too much. Robby had been hard ever since that noise Dennis made and the emotional component of the ‘I love you’ had Robby nearly dazed. Robby understood now that, in the back of his mind, he thought he would never find this again. Thought this part of him was locked away. Thought he fucked up enough to not deserve something like this ever again. Someone like Dennis, who was attractive, loyal, and tender. Robby didn’t know who he saved to put this kind of luck onto him, but he was thankful for it, nevertheless.

Robby was the one panting now. Their foreheads were touching, just sharing each other's air. They looked into each other’s eyes, deep understanding and attraction flowing freely.

Robby didn’t say anything, didn’t feel like he had to. His breath started to hitch and he was grunting and gasping. His release came suddenly; Dennis didn't even take him out of his pants properly. Robby put his face in Dennis’s neck, not hiding, though. Never hiding from Dennis. Basking. Holding. Loving.

They stayed there a moment, until Robby was properly soft. Feeling the large expanses of skin pressed against each other.

“You should call me Michael.”

Dennis giggled like it was a silly statement. “Why? Nobody calls you that.”

“Exactly. Only you should call me that.” Robby kissed his neck softly. “Not all the time but I think it would be nice. Nobody’s called me that for a while.” Not since the last of his family had passed.

Dennis recognized it for what it was. A declaration of love. A loaded gun handed to him that both of them knew he would never use. “Yeah, Michael’s good.” Dennis tucked his head under Robby’s chin.

After a while, the sweat stopped feeling good. “Shower?” Robby asked.

“Together? I’ve never done that before.” Dennis’s fingers were circling the stupid sun tattoo Robby had gotten when he was 20. The one he had been careful to put far up enough so that you couldn’t see it in scrubs. The one that only a couple of people knew about.

Robby selfishly loved that he was so many of Dennis’s firsts. “It’s nice, I’ll wash your hair.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” It was.

Everything between them was good.

Dennis took two accelerated summer classes, a light load for a med student; he worked two days a week as a research assistant. He also studied for his USMLE. He didn’t exactly have the summer off, but it was still pretty restful, especially because he and Robby decided to just move in together.

Dennis was going to stay on campus over the summer in his regular accommodation arranged through the university. He had already paid for it out of his loans for the summer semester but he spent enough time at Robby’s that it just made more sense to keep all his shit over there. Robby also liked coming home to someone. It made him actually leave when he was supposed to instead of skulking around the building, hoping he would be needed before he had to go because he was crashing.

Robby liked planning weekly meals with Dennis. They ate out twice a week but shared cooking and cleaning evenly. Dennis made midwestern comfort food that filled Robby with warmth after harsh shifts and Robby made old-school European food. Growing up in Pittsburgh, Robby was used to pierogies and matzah ball soup, things Dennis had never tried until Robby. Dennis didn’t like borscht, but nobody’s perfect.

Summers were always busy in the ER; people were outside more. They were trying things they hadn't done in a year after sitting on a couch for months. It was usually a recipe for disaster. But no matter how disastrous a shift, Robby could come home to something simple.

Summer ended and fall came. Dennis became busier but he still made time for Robby. Robby had never felt like such a priority. Not since his grandmother.

The student loved having someone there to take over life when things got hard. When he had to study for so long that he forgot to eat and a sandwich magically appeared. Robby paired his socks because it was his least favorite thing to do in the world and he was nice like that.

They didn’t fight or get jealous or resentful. They talked honestly about insecurities and boundaries. Robby explained his PTSD. He didn’t like to call it that, but Dennis made the phrase seem less scary and final and more like a tool. Dennis had never seen a relationship like this. Full of compromise but neither settling. Forgiveness without strings attached or dangling swords. He liked to think that if his mother would just meet Robby, give him a chance, watch how they interacted, maybe she would understand why he chose this. Dennis cared less about that rejection, now, though. Robby was starting to feel like family in a way Dennis had never felt before.

Dennis finished the first semester of his second year. He was doing well, better than he ever expected himself to. It helped that he had the chief of emergency medicine in his ear. Dennis had his first Chanukkah. They shared their first Christmas. Robby didn't usually do much; it wasn't culturally relevant to him. In fact, he usually volunteered to work that day. He always thought people with families deserved the day off. It was better that he worked with the electric turkey carver injuries than someone else with people at home. He requested off that year, to the raised eyebrows of a few. Whatever, he didn’t have to explain himself.

It was a snowy night in January when Robby came home late. There was a pile-up with a semi. Black ice was his enemy. A whole family didn’t make it, nobody was wearing seatbelts and their bodies became projectiles. It was a shift that a previous iteration of Robby would probably have gone up to the roof about. Maybe would’ve gone to a bar for harder stuff than just beers in the park. Abbot was getting suspicious about Robby’s unusually steady mental health. He would have to introduce them before long. Dennis was just too important for nobody to know about.

Dennis’s classes were cancelled, the snow was bad enough that the university didn’t want the liability of people walking on their sidewalks. He was making chicken noodle soup. The kind you start a couple of hours before, a whole chicken boiling with carrots, celery, onion, and the nice fresh herbs Robby liked to keep under a grow light in his spare bedroom. Dennis was starting to feel like a real adult, not a boy trying to play one.

Robby walked in an hour and a half later than he should’ve. Other partners he’s had would’ve been resentful. They cooked a nice meal and would’ve had to eat it alone. Not Dennis. He waited for him. He kept it warm on the stove for an hour and waited to boil the pasta. He was sympathetic because he knew Robby wouldn’t stay unless it was the worst day of someone's life. He had never been understood like that.

Robby didn’t even take off his winter coat before hugging him. Needing to find that solace he was worringly becoming dependent on. Needing people was hard because when you lost them, you were bereft. He didn’t want to lose Dennis.

“Marry me?” Robby asked without thinking. It should feel wrong or embarrassing but Robby was somehow sure and confident. He should have gotten down on one knee but he wanted to hug the man still.

Dennis was still holding him so nothing could be too terrible. “What did you say?” He knew he had heard it correctly but was giving him an out. So considerate but so not needed.

Robby reluctantly pulled back, keeping his hands on his shoulders.

“Marry me?” Dennis was a little stunned, not expecting this to go there. “I should’ve probably gotten you a ring and planned something, God knows you deserve it, but I want you. Forever. If you’ll have me. So...Marry me?” Robby felt hot, maybe from the flush or his coat being on inside. Maybe from just the abject warmth this man inspired within him.

Robby had snow melting off his shoulders from the short walk from his car to the kitchen. En Media Res. Dennis' fingers smelled like garlic and thyme. Robby smelled like hospital.

“Yes, absolutely.” He didn’t have to think about it at all. Dennis has lucked out. Hit a home run the first time he took up a bat. Now he just had to run through the bases he had already taken.

They kissed, closed mouths, then went back to holding each other. It wasn't really something they discussed before but they both knew the other was it. Why prolong the in between when they were both so sure?

“Do I get healthcare now?”

Robby laughed for the first time in hours. Dennis was his favorite person ever. “Yes, Denny, you can get health care now. Although you should’ve enrolled at the start of the semester like I told you.”

“I know, I just kept putting it off and then the window had closed.”

“Well, when we're married, I can be in charge of all that stuff and you can do whatever you want.”

Dennis gave him a private, soft smile, “We’re getting married!”

“I have to tell Abbot if we're getting married. Probably HR too, ugh.”

“Don’t say ugh about us getting married.”

“It was ugh about HR, maybe Gloria.”

“Man, what are we going to do about rotations? You're going to be, like, my boss.”

Robby hummed non-comitally. “We just have to get married soon, I guess. If we come into it with a pre-existing relationship, it’s less messy and we have more protection. Besides, you’ll be directly reporting to a resident most of the time anyway.”

“You just want to lock me down quick, be honest.”

Robby laughed again, “I do.”

Robby is in a suspiciously good mood for the next couple of shifts. He’d apparently gotten a cat? It was assumed to be a midlife crisis. He’d been in a suspiciously good mood the last couple of months, if anyone was honest. No one wanted to mess with the delicate balance of it all. No questions were allowed to throw off this new regulation he seemed to have found. He was eating lunch with vegetables! And drinking liquids besides coffee.

When it was a shift change with a hand-off to Abbot, Robby nodded towards the stairwell. An unspoken signal that meant ‘roof?’

Abbot got nervous, Robby hadn’t wanted to initiate a roof talk in a while. What could’ve gone down?

They took the elevator up to the highest floor they could, then took the utility stairs for the rest. Robby made sure to put the rock in between the door and the jam, not wanting to have to call someone to let them back in, which had happened twice before.

They went over to the railings; it was too cold to be up here for long in just the hoodies they both wore inside the hospital. Robby didn’t beat around the bush. “I’m engaged.” He had a goofy smile. Jack would undoubtedly tease him for it later.

Jack made an appraising sound, “Should’ve guessed. You’ve been too normal recently. I think I caught you humming on your way out a couple of weeks ago.” Yeah, that was probably true. “Who’s the lucky gal?”

Robby stopped smiling as big and looked out at the skyline. He wasn't ashamed but he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was something shocking. That he had been lying by omission this whole time. Abbot wasn't even like that, Robby knew, but it seemed big. “It’s actually not a girl. It's a guy.”

Abbot absorbed for a second and then did an annoying whistle. Why is this guy his best friend?

“Ok...Who’s the guy?”

Robby took a beat; the vulnerability was already making his hands sweat a little. “It's kinda complicated, he-he’s younger.”

“It’s not Langdon, is it? I thought he was married.”

“What? Why would it be Langdon?”

“Come on, he not your type or something?” Abbot could only ever take death seriously. Robby should’ve just told Dana. “How much younger, is he, like, 30?”

A wind gust blew and it cut through both their jackets. “No, he’s 24, he’ll be 25 next month.” Robby had been secretly planning a nice dinner with a real proposal. Rings and flowers, the whole nine yards.

“Ha, never struck you for a cradle robber but whatever works for you.”

That frustrated Robby. “It’s not like that. He’s smart and good for me. Better to me than anyone else ever has been.”

Sensing the defensiveness, Jack patted Robby’s arm that rested on the railing. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. This is a big deal, I’m glad you told me.”

Jack knew how to diffuse Robby, knew when he was taking it too far. “It’s Ok, I know how it looks.” Robby’s breath was visible. “I really like him, Jack. Love him. I’m done with pretending like he’s not the most important thing in my life.”

“...Wow. I didn’t think anything would ever become more important than this job. I’m happy for you.” Abbot started rubbing his palms together. “I’d love to stay out here freezing my balls off so you can wax poetic about your boyfriend but I have a shift to run. We good?”

“Fiance,” Robby corrected. “And, yeah, we’re good.”

Robby left the hospital after that. He drove that morning. He’s been driving in more recently. Not wanting or needing to waste time walking to decompress.

Dennis started his rotations. Family medicine was first. Dennis was finally getting a taste of the rest of his life. He loved it. Robby was deliriously happy for him. He had a couple of weeks in an elective psych rotation towards the end of the semester, where his soft voice and understanding really shone. Robby couldn’t be prouder.

His surgery rotation was next. At PTMC. He got a couple of weeks off and then he was going to spend 12 weeks there. Them working in the same hospital raised some questions between them. Mainly about what they should do with the HR situation.

“We should just get married while I’m out of school. You said that gives us protection, right?” Dennis grabbed the orange juice out of the refrigerator like he didn’t just plan a wedding.

Robby was burning eggs because of the suggestion. This is what Dennis must’ve felt when he proposed to him out of the blue. There was a warmth in Robby’s chest. They were equally antsy to be together forever.

“Are you sure? That's a big step.”

Dennis knew he was just asking for his benefit. Robby was obviously ready to go to the courthouse this afternoon.

Dennis didn’t have to think about it. He never had to think about whether he wanted to spend eternity with Robby. Even if he only liked the juice with no pulp. “Yes. Sure, I want to protect us both professionally but I also really want to be your husband.” The last part sounded so emphatic. The stable, sure tone was a far cry from the student who was afraid to approach him almost two years ago.

Screw the eggs. Robby turned around and went to the table where Dennis was. “I want to be your husband more than just about anything, Denny.” The openness was something Robby would’ve regretted two years ago. But there was never a vulnerability hangover with Dennis.

“I think Jack would kill us if he wasn't our witness.” The two laughed. They were always laughing about something. Together.

Turns out they didn’t even need a witness if they were just going to the courthouse. They went the next day but still invited Jack, who actually liked Dennis. More importantly, he liked who Robby was around Dennis. He made jokes about their age gap and how they got together but it was fine because he understood them. How they fit together in the ways all successful couples do. Jack remembers how that felt. The mutual gravitational pull you feel from the beginning when you're just that compatible with someone.

They had a short honeymoon in Tionesta, just three days, it was all Robby could swing with such short notice but Jack helped cover him. Robby used to come up here with his grandfather. He had a trailer with no running water or electricity. Robby liked the Airbnb Dennis found more.

Robby scheduled a meeting with Gloria and requested that an HR representative be present. Gloria was obviously befuddled by the request, usually having to accost the Doctor into conversations. She was just hoping he wasn't resigning for whatever reason. The ED needed him.

She welcomed him into her office and introduced the HR rep. “What would you like to talk about, Dr. Robinavitch? I hope everything is well.” As she was sitting down, Robby could tell she was nervous.

Robby was nervous too. “I-um-I need to update my personnel file. I recently got married and would like to change my emergency contact.”

Gloria looked a little too shocked. Like Robby finding a spouse was impossible. Whatever.

“Well, I’m very happy for you. I didn’t even know you were engaged.” She seemed a little confused. “I’m not sure we needed an in-person meeting for this, though. You can update that information in the employee portal.” Subtly saying, why would you waste my time on this?

Robby, always a fan of ripping the band-aid off, replied with, “My spouse is a medical student with an incoming rotation at the hospital. Surgery, actually. I figured I should disclose the relationship in case there was any overlap.”

The HR rep, Hannah, stopped writing her notes for a moment. Robby knew what she was thinking.

Gloria also paused for a moment. “This is a little...unusual, I’m sure you know.” Gloria looked up, as if trying to recall whatever policy the hospital had.

“We met outside of work,” kinda, “and I have fulfilled my obligation by disclosing the relationship to the hospital. My spouse will disclose it to the school. I will recuse myself from any evaluations when the emergency rotation comes around here in the next year and I will make sure to remain professional on the floor. My staff doesn’t even know I’m in a relationship so it’s not like I’ll be showing any obvious favoritism.” Hannah made note of the supposed plan.

“You’ve thought this all out, it seems.”

“It’s important to us that our reputations remain respectable and I wouldn’t want people to think there was any funny business.”

“Well, of course, your wife is welcome in this hospital. I will have to consult with the head of HR and our counsel before I can make any promises about her being able to work the same shifts as you. She may have to take nights under Shen or Abbot, depending on the level of supervision you're determined to have over her.”

Here we go. Robby didn’t want to do the whole coming out thing but he wasn’t ashamed of anything. “Not wife.” Gloria was back to the confused face. “I’m married to a man. My husband, Dennis Whitaker, is the one who will be doing the rotation.”

Hannah stopped writing for a moment again; she had a terrible poker face. Gloria was wide-eyed, a little unprofessional if Robby had anything to say about it.

“I apologize for the presumption. I hope you know that makes no difference in how we proceed.”

Robby smiled a little at his ability to throw her off. “I wasn’t expecting anything for being queer, Gloria. If that's all the information you required for my disclosure, then I’ll be on my way.”

Gloria gave him a polite smile. “Yep! I will have Hannah send you a summary of our conversation for posterity. You will have to state whether you agree or disagree that it was a correct summary of events. We will also send you a form that we request all employees who engage in romantic relationships to fill out, absolving the hospital of liability.”

“Great!” Robby stood up from the too-nice chair. A public hospital shouldn’t have office furniture this nice.“I’d appreciate it if this stayed between us; my staff doesn’t know I’m in a relationship and I’d rather keep it all separate for as long as possible.”

“Of course, this is all confidential and privileged. Let me walk you out.” They shook hands at the door and before he walked out of her reception area, Gloria called out a sincere “Congrats, doctor!” He was a pain in her ass but she wanted the man to be happy.

Robby didn’t really see Dennis at the hospital during his surgery rotation. He was mostly on scheduled surgeries and their day usually began at six AM, meaning Dennis was out the door before five on most days. Robby was finding out he was kind of a suck up and liked to be the type of student who was there first. Dennis liked it just fine; he wasn’t going to haul off and get a general surgery residency but he enjoyed helping people, no matter how boring the fifteenth lumpectomy is.

Dennis completed most of his core rotations. Obstetrics had been fun but Whitaker didn’t feel a connection to it. The last required rotation before he got to move onto more electives was emergency. The one he had been dreading and anticipating.

He thought that he would like the pace, the broad scope of it all, and new challenges every hour. He wanted to see Robby work. He had yet to see his brilliance in action. He wasn’t looking forward to having to pretend to meet his own husband. The date he started just made it all the harder. Dennis never got the privilege of meeting Robby’s mentor but he wished Dr. Adamson could see Robby now. An even-keeled man who was capable of taking care of others and himself. A man who had found someone who could take care of him, too.

Them being so steady didn’t mean Robby’s PTSD went away. There were days he felt stuck. Like he never left that room with the happy painted animals. Sometimes Dennis would find him staring into nothing and he always knew he was somewhere else in his head. Dennis used techniques he learned in a physical therapy module, where he guided Robby down and massaged his back and neck, then guided him through the breathing exercises Robby taught him that first time they met each other. It didn’t make the memories go away but it grounded the older man until he came back to his body a little more. At first, Robby had been embarrassed and ashamed by his symptoms but Dennis assured him it wasn’t a failure. He pushed through something horrific and that made him stronger, not weaker. If Dennis believed that, Robby would start trying to.

They left home together but Dennis let Robby run up ahead. He liked to show up a little early for the shift change. Catch Abbot for the rundown.

Robby was glad he did because Abbot needed some air and Robby wanted to be there for him. He felt bad that he got so wrapped up in his happy relationship that he started to pull back from his best friend. It wasn't intentional but it was just hard to invite him over for the game when Dennis’s stuff was everywhere. Robby didn’t want to go out as much anymore, either. Now that Jack knew, it was getting back to normal again.

They rode down the elevator together when Abbot felt a little better.

“The new interns and students start today.” It wasn’t something to smile about but Robby couldn’t help it. Dennis was starting his rotation today and it was exciting. “Don’t be so obvious. I bet you guys tell on yourselves before noon.”

“Not here.” Robby was self-conscious as they got to the center of the first floor. He wasn’t too confident in his ability to hide it either but it was just an eight-week rotation. They had both agreed that if Dennis matched somewhere in the PTMC, they would be public. Maybe they wouldn’t make a big announcement but they wouldn’t go out of their way to hide it. They would drive in together if their schedules aligned and find each other on their breaks if it wasn't too busy. They would be like all the other couples that worked there.

It was interesting for Dennis to finally have a setting for all the stories Robby tells. Faces to names. He was asking questions he knew the answers to just to seem like an uninitiated student. It was time for rounds and the chaos became real.

There were almost immediately two traumas admitted. It moved faster than Dennis could have predicted and it made him feel unsure of himself. It was one thing to hear retellings and another to live it.

Langdon was funny; he could see why he was Robby’s go-to guy. They had a similar dry humor. Collins was complicated. Dennis knew that she and Robby were together for a little bit. Robby maintains that they were never compatible. It was more that he thought his life would turn out different and the idea of settling down with a beautiful, smart, female doctor seemed to be what he should have been doing at the time. Then the pandemic happened and you need a lot more than expectations to keep a relationship going when under that amount of stress. It was a little awkward between them because Collins was still a touch resentful of the way Robby pulled back before their relationship fully ended but it was firmly in the past for both of them. Robby knew he wasn’t good to her, especially now when he had Dennis to compare it to.

Javadi passing out was a harbinger of doom. Nobody was prepared for what the day would bring.

Dennis messed up a transfer in front of Robby, which was mildly humiliating. Robby was so over his head already that he could barely offer sympathy. He shouldn’t have worked this day, but he wanted to be there for his husband. Robby should’ve known he wouldn’t be of any help on the anniversary.

The student knew he was being perceived as an overwhelmed rube, which wasn’t that far off. Maybe he just got used to being around Robby as his husband, who was always so attentive and uplifting. He never thought about how he would feel personally when Robby treated him just as any other student. He wasn’t entitled to special privilege or concern, however. In fact, they had an obligation to avoid anything that could be seen as such.

He started to feel like he was finding a rhythm, starting to connect with patients. He and Robby even grabbed a small moment to talk about Mr. Milton. He was the only one not freaked out by the rats, which gave him a little bit of confidence. Robby and him chuckled about it across the room from each other. He thought his finger getting messed up was the worst thing that would happen that day.

Dennis lost his first patient. He had gotten through all his other rotations without facing that. It was hard to accept, even for someone who grew up on a farm, desensitized to death.

It was torture to watch Dennis helplessly code someone who was already gone. Robby couldn’t stick around and watch the whole thing. He was too busy and already too tempted to scoop him up in a hug and take him away from this place. Shift abandonment would surely have Gloria make good on her promise to fire him.

When Robby came back to check, Dennis was still doing compressions, and he finally had to call it. Robby went a little overboard with trying to reassure Whitaker that there was nothing he could have done differently. That it was just a tough break that could’ve happened to any of them.

“He liked Kentucky bourbon.”

“Good, me too.” Dennis already knew that.

“He seemed nice. He was married.” Dennis’s voice trailed off at that fact. And that made more sense. Dennis was seeing Robby in this patient. An older man who liked the same drink left a widow behind.

Kiara offered support that she knew no one would take her up on. They had their moment of silence before Robby dismissed them. The two of them hung back together. Robby tried to give the standard speech he gave to any struggling student or resident. He almost made it through the whole thing before the sad look in Dennis’s eyes just made him melt. He had to touch him. He wanted to make it all better but he couldn’t.

Dennis was aware this would be out of character for the Dr. Robby everyone here knew. The emotionally closed-off man who was only close with a select people he had known for years. He certainly wasn’t touchy with students he had known for two hours. Dennis gave him a look when he went for a second touch and then they fumbled their way out of the bay.

Robby knew it was ridiculous to add another task to Dana’s plate, but he had to ask her to watch out for Whitaker. He felt called out when Dana asked, “You think this kid has game?” Robby wanted to defend him, say he was brilliant, but he had no way of saying that without giving everything away.

Then Myrna called him fruit cake and it didn’t make him feel any less obvious about his gay relationship he was hiding.

Dennis’s first scrub change of the day came and went.

Dennis got pissed on and had to change again. He wasn't sure he even wanted to tell Robby about this at the end of the day.

Robby had to say goodbye to a father in the same room where he lost Adamson in.

Dennis got blood all over him from blister guy and had to change again. And Robby saw. Dennis needed to stop being attached to the idea of seeming attractive to his attending. That was a different man from his husband.

Except, his attending wouldn’t touch him nearly as much on his first day. Or take his notepad like he bought it (he did, but no one needed to know that).

Another change was needed. And Robby intubated in a really hot way. Dennis shouldn’t think that way, but he did.

Things progressed like that all day. There were moments Dennis felt like he was doing well, then other moments where he felt like he was floundering. He even got some applause for killing a rat and Robby looked so proud. Dennis was happy to take something off his plate, for once. He should’ve known something terrible would happen.

Pittfest. Active shooter. Jake. Poor Robby. Dana got assaulted? Where’s Langdon? Collins? Dennis didn’t even have time to do a check-in before Dr. Robby had to spring into motion. He was completely dissociating now, Dennis could tell, and was probably the only one who truly saw how bad it was. There was nothing either of them could do about it, though. Not here and certainly not now.

Abbot came in early, thank God. He accidentally patted Dennis on the shoulder, as if he knew him, but no one questioned the familiarity. There was too much going on to think of anything else. It blurs in the middle. Just a slog of blood and mistakes. It all feels meaningless but of too much weight. Dennis can’t think about his husband right now. Can’t watch as he breaks his own rules to save who he presumes is Jake’s girlfriend. He was going to tell Jake about them, finally, over basketball, but that wasn't going to happen soon. Dennis is just looking for a blanket when he finds Robby crumpled in the Pedes room. It was the worst he’d ever seen him.

Dennis closed the curtain the best he could, but with them going down to six inches above the floor, there was only so much coverage. Robby was praying in a voice Dennis had never heard, trying to hide his face from everyone but most of all Dennis. Dennis thought he was some ER bad ass and the veneer was crumbling.

Secrecy be damned, Dennis thought. He joined his husband on the floor.

“You have to go. They need you out there.” I need you to not see me like this went unspoken.

“We need you out there.” Dennis breathed for what felt like the first time in an hour and a half. “I need you out there, Michael.” They weren’t doctors here. Not attending and student. They were just two traumatized people who needed the other to keep going. “Ok, come on. Give me your hand.”

“I can’t, Denny.” Robby couldn’t even look at him. It was Dennis’s first day and he couldn’t save him. Couldn’t protect him from anything.

Dennis grabbed Robby’s shoulder. “You have to, because if you don’t, I’m fucked.” That made Robby look up, almost incredulous at the audacity to tell him that right now. Dennis stood up and gave Robby his hand, the one that had held his so many times. Robby latched onto it like he was a man drowning. Dennis helped him up with those gentle, strong hands of his. They lingered too long and Robby had to pull away. He needed to get his shit together and feeling safe enough to fall apart in Dennis’s arms would be a problem.

Dennis looked helplessly at Robby, like he was coding in front of him and couldn’t do anything. He got the message when Robby started doing his breathing techniques. He was working on it the best he could. He needed to be alone to put his mask back on. Dennis would let him fall apart later. “I’ll see you out there, Robby.”

Santos said something that made Dennis nervous about her seeing their exchange but who really cared? Nobody would listen to another rumor made up by her anyway.

Robby emerged and subtly let Whitaker know he was back. Whitaker would’ve noticed when he heard Robby yelling at Gloria. Maybe they’d be able to take that vacation after all.

Dr. Robby floated around the hospital until he was told there were no more victims coming in. He put on his hoodie to feel a little less exposed. Like he hadn’t broken down in front of the staff that was supposed to respect him after this.

Jesus, Robby had all these loose ends to tie up still. Janey...

“He’s kind of blaming me for not saving her.” Robby must look as broken as he feels because she grabs his hands for the first time in years. She says some things that don’t really penetrate and Robby can’t deal with it. He doesn’t need her comfort. Jake did. He has Dana lead her to Jake.

A kid has pneumonia. Measles. He has to call the county. Will this day never end?

Robby loses it. Again. This time in anger. Dennis shows up at just the right time. They can’t go somewhere private to talk, so Robby touches him in a way he hopes looks professional, fraternal at worst. There are some questions, but mostly sympathy. Dennis says a bible verse for the first time in a long time.

“My husband once told me that you learn to live with it, learn to accept it, and find balance if you can.”

Robby smiles a real smile. A private one he's not sure this hospital has ever seen. He stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep himself from collapsing into him. “He seems like a smart guy.”

“He’s the smartest guy I know. Strongest too. Sometimes he’s really stubborn, but I love him a lot.” I still believe in you, goes unsaid.

Dr. Robby has to rush in to fix another mess. He fucks up and brings a parent to the morgue to coax consent. He is an asshole.

Langdon is just another thorn in his side after being his favorite resident for so long. Another loss that just accumulates on this cursed day. He asked him not to report it and tried to make it all Ok for himself. Robby knew he was selfish, sometimes a bit arrogant, but he didn’t know it was to this extent.

“Someone saw you two in Pedes,” was Langdon's last card to play.

“What?”

“With Whitaker. A night shift nurse saw you two on the floor. Said it looked like-”

Robby approached Langdon aggressively. He nearly pushed his chest like they were at some bar and not doctors at a hospital. “Looked like what?” Robby dared him to say it. “Looked like what?” He asked louder. “This job will fuck you up if you let it. You. Let. It.” Robby’s simmering anger was pouring over. He needed to walk away before he copped an assault charge. Langdon looked like the litigious type.

“Yeah? I wasn’t the one holding my male student's hand in Pedes.” Robby had never heard his resident's voice like that. Desperate and mean.

“Fuck you, man.” It came out more hurt than he meant it. He never expected Langdon to be the one to go low about that first. He thought he would be someone who was happy for him. It turned out Langdon is the type of guy who’s only happy for other people if he’s doing better. Robby walked into the ER with his shoulders by his ears. He was looking for Dennis passively. When he doesn’t catch his eye, he feels bereft. People look to him to make decisions that he doesn’t have the bandwidth to make. He wants to go home. Or to the roof.

He tries to ask Dana if she heard anything about his breakdown. Or his inappropriate relationship with a med student, but she doesn’t give anything up.

Robby gives an emotional debrief. It felt hollow. He tried to get a handle on his emotions. Jake dismisses him one more time and it's more than he can sit there and take. He’s the one who tells Leah's parents. He wasn't as warm as he usually is but he feels like a sponge that just has too much liquid in it. He can’t pick anything else up. For the first time in a while, he wants to be alone. He goes up to the roof.

Abbot finds him first. Tries to talk him off the ledge. Distract him by teasing him.

“I broke, I shut down the moment everybody needed me the most.”

“For what? Forty seconds? Three minutes? Ten minutes? So fucking what? That is what happens when you're in a war and nothing makes sense.”

Robby turned around and put his elbows on the railing. “Dennis saw me. And I wasn’t very nice to him today. And I probably ruined it because I can never save anything!” He yelled the last part as he brought his fist down to hit the railing. It reverberated and shook with the force.

Abbot hadn’t seen Robby like this in a while. Not since he met Dennis. “Don’t do that to yourself. The kid’s gone on you. You couldn’t fuck that up if you tried.” He sounded so adamant. “He doesn’t need saving either. He lasted on his own for years while being pre-med, graduated from college, and got into med school, all without your help. He wants you. There’s a big difference between want and need.”

“He’s not going to want me after what he just saw. I choked. I’m not who he thought I was. I’m not who anybody thinks I am.” He huffed out a mean laugh.

Abbot, a romantic under it all, said, “I think you should let him speak for himself. I texted him that you were on the roof right before I came out here.” Abbot chuckled a little at his next thought, “My bet is he’s running up those stairs right now. I’ll go as far to say he couldn’t even wait for the elevators.”

Robby kept his head down. No one was coming to save him. Not like that. He wasn’t the guy that someone ran through a crowd for. He wasn’t the man who inspired that kind of devotion. He was the one who gave it until he was so pathetic you didn’t want it anymore.

But there Dennis was. Out of breath from the stairs. Still in his too-tight scrubs. Bereft. Searching for Robby when Robby had been so difficult all day.

Jack put his hand on Robby’s shoulder and said, “Go get your boy. I didn’t even give him instructions to get up here.”

Robby should’ve said goodbye to Abbot. Should’ve thanked him for keeping it all together when Robby couldn’t. But Robby had no words left besides, “Denny.”

“Let’s go home.” Robby walked over and leaned on him. His small frame had no business holding them both up, but it did. “Take me home, Michael.”

They didn’t care if people saw them walk out together after the day they had. Everything was so busy still, no one would even notice if they slipped out the patient entrance and walked off together. When they got a street away, they held hands. It was too close to the hospital but they couldn’t care less. They weren't going to waste time not holding each other because of the consequences, not on a night like tonight at least. Robby had always tried to be strong. Brave. Turns out he just needed someone to help. Someone like Dennis.

the response to the little blurb i posted about the thoughts I had on this was so amazing that i had to actually follow through. i was expecting something close to my usual 5k words that i usually end up at but this fic just had so much going for it. idk if i've ever had something flow out of me the way this did. thanks for all the support for this blog, i love this fandom lol.

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