How to seduce the various Knights of the Round Table
Lancelot: I think what heâs really looking for is a partner who shares his religious convictions. You donât want to be one of the maidens who died of love for him (or worse, ignored his consent) but channeling a little Grail Maiden here wouldnât hurt. What he wants is a nice religious home where he can hide from the rest of his responsibilities, so if you can provide that youâre halfway there.
Gawain: For a long term partnership, try to meet him on a quest and show that you can have intellectual fun together, solving riddles and challenging his preconceived notions about sexism. For a short term fling, as long as youâre not married, you can probably just ask.
Kay: I think he might be gay, so dudes might have the advantage here, but maybe Iâm wrong about this? This is the guy to go for with the teasing banter- take his and dish it back.
Bedivere: Supposed to be the most handsome of all, so I feel you here. Again, I think he might be in a relationship with Kay, but I could be totally misreading the situation. If heâs not, then just be a good and steady partner. This is a man who values loyalty.
Gareth: You might think he wants teasing banter, but he really doesnât. He wants someone who will be nice to him, especially if youâre not averse to physical contact on the first date. You can trust him. Heâs good people.
Percivale: May or may not be celibate depending on whoâs telling the story. If he is, respect that. If he isnât, then heâs a steady guy, looking for marriage and someone who will be patient with him learning the ways of the world. If you never got over your Tarzan crush, go for it.
Galahad: This is probably not going to work, but if youâre determined to try, follow him on the Grail quest. Even if you fail, you might get to see the Grail! Isnât that cool? Only like four people got to do that!
Bors: Hit him up before the Grail quest, since thatâs when he went from âfathering illegitimate childrenâ to âcelibate.â And donât be a demon.
Mordred: Honestly, just notice him.
Tristram: I want to just say âdonâtâ, but ugh, fine. Be married or involved with someone else. He only likes whatâs unavailable.
Palomides: He wants someone who will appreciate him, above all. Heâs got a little bit of nice guy syndrome going on, but if you can live with that, heâll basically worship the ground you walk on. And lay off about the conversion thing.
Sagramore: His nickname is âthe desirousâ, so I donât think you need too much advice here.
Lamorak: He likes milfs. Are you a milf? He likes you.
Accolon: He likes witches. Are you a witch? If not, why not?
Arthur: Try to come in at the end of his reign, where Lancelot and Guinevere are having a staggeringly obvious affair. Heâll probably be a little more open to taking a royal mistress, and the balance of affairs will probably take the wind out of a lot of peoplesâ righteous indignation.
Dinadan: Youâre barking up the wrong tree, darling.
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