@flamingjets posted two fics and I got inspired, so I decided to be a good copycat and do the same. lol #SorryNotSorry
So here goes nothing...
The worst was this:
my love was my decay
- Shakespeare
So what? So what everyone was blaming him? So what everyone was telling him he was wrong? It wasn’t his fault. He did what he had to do; what he thought was the right thing to do. He was only trying to help. He didn’t mean for any of that to happen. He didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt. He was only trying to keep everybody safe... to keep everybody safe... Everybody...
Her...
He was doing everything and would anything to keep her safe.
He didn’t want to admit it to himself but it was all for her and acknowledging it and the need inside of him was somewhat terrifying. He was scared of his own feelings.
Now there he was leaning against the doorframe watching her holding her sisters hand, anxiously waiting for the man that once was thought of as the enemy but now seen as their only hope.
What a sick joke life has played on them... on him - he thought as he felt a pair of watchful eyes on him.
Maddie...
She was there - his girlfriend... His best friend... She was there and she was angry and disappointed; she also blamed him.
He didn’t need her words to know she couldn’t understand him and that she believed he was acting erratically but she uttered them anyway. She needed to know why... She accused him of being different. Of course, he denied it and told her she was imagining things but in reality, he knew she was right.
He changed... Something inside of him changed. I was like he didn't belong to himself anymore..
His emotions were getting the best of him.
I guess the myth involving the siren song was true. He silently wondered.
The siren song...
It was the only explanation he could think of at that moment.
I shouldn't have asked her to sing to me again...
I should have known better...
He blamed himself but he was only looking for comfort then. He didn't ask for this... For this overwhelming feeling. It was taking over him and he felt there was nothing he could do to stop it.
He looked around and his eyes found Maddie's. The sadness in her eyes were piercing. He loved her. He still loved her; there was no doubt of that but it was different now because there was also someone else...
Her...
Lately there was always her and her alone and his need for her.
Suddenly it was as if the walls were closing in on him. He nedded to leave, be away from the both of them. So without a word, he left.
As soon as he got in his car, he took a deep breath. His minding swirling, questioning his own heart.
Love? Was it love?
"What is happening to me?", he mumbled under his breath as he drove off.
He was in a daze, he didn't know where he was going or what he was doing. He just needed to get away. Be alone. He desperately wanted to try and find a way to be in control again. Whatever that was happening to him, he wanted to fight it. He was surprised to find himself standing on a boat in the middle of the ocean.
How did I get here? He wondered.
Closing his eyes he tried to calm his racing mind. Feelings were rushing in and out of him. It was when he felt a presence lurking.
He looked around.
"Hello?"
His voice echoed but there was no response. There was no one there.
Then something hit him... A fainting sound reaching his ears.
Her song... Ryn's song...
He heard it more clearly and closer to him each second that went by.
He was frantic.
Was she there? Was Ryn there? Was she going back home?
She wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. Would she?
He wasn't going to make his way back home to find out. He need to know, so he called for her as loud as he could.
"Ryn!"
Over and over again but there was no reply. So he did the only thing he could do. He jumped in the ocean and went deeper and deeper, looking for her, trying to find her.
He didn't stop, he just kept going deeper. Until he felt the clutch of his lungs on his chest. He needed air. However there was no strength in him to make it back to the surface as fast as he needed it.
Ben heard a buzzing sound in his head, his eyes were blurred. But he wasn't in pain. He was in peace somehow. There was nothing to fear. His mind was suddenly quiet and the only thing that was left was the thought of her...
Here’s something I’ve been mulling over my head the whole day: “Dare to trust.”
With every setback, challenge, and change that we meet everyday are the questions: Will we trust our Abba despite the grief, disappointment, and defeat? Will we step out of our comfort zones because He promised to us His strength, favor, and faithfulness? Will we dare to trust our Father again and again and again?
And I know that Jesus, His feet firm upon the waves, is waiting for us to take His hand and say yes. Yes, we can meet defeat, loss, and disappointment with brand new hope. Yes, we will choose the Voice of Truth over our insecurities. Yes, we can do all things through Christ who is our strength.
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