Hello, everybody! You guys wanna know what interesting thought I had now? Well...
Do you guys think secretly Joe Solomon was happy that he was in a coma while Cam was missing? And I don't mean only the: his best friend's daughter, the most of what was still left of Matt, ran away, left like her father. What I mean is how he would have had to watch Zach react to all of it. Joe was already attached to Zach before Matt went missing and it is pointed out by Cammie that Joe and Zach could be father and son and it would seem totally logical. I'm going to guess that Joe saw himself in Zach too. Now, if you think about it, Zach was almost exactly were Joe was all those years ago. Joe was the one who was supposed to chase that lead but Matt went before he could thus Joe kinda blames himself. Zach was the one who started with the run away conversation and believed Cammie that she won't do it thus he as well blames himself. Joe distanced himself from the rest (Rachel, Abby) because even though he did care about them, they were all very directly related with Matt and he couldn't stand that. Zach ran away after Cammie cause he couldn't bear being surrounded by the place that was just so Cammie. They both went after their blond Morgan and both failed to find them but one of them had the insane luck of getting his blondie back alive. The other one had to suffer in ignorance for years before getting his blond Morgan back and not even alive. But, I suppose, that after all those years, this closure - sad as it was - was better than no closure at all
Oooh I’ve so had this thought too! I’ve always wanted to know what Joe was thinking when he woke up! We get Cam’s POV, the disoriented, what the heck just happened and that was with 3 DAYS. Apparently having a character go into a coma is just good for a plot? Ally seems to think so. I agree but half the fun with a coma plot is the crazy stuff that it causes emotionally after they wake up! I really wanted to know what the heck was going on inside of Joe Solomon.
To add to this! I love this take but because I think that a part of this is 100% true, I think deep down inside he’s glad he missed all of it. The man wants nothing to do with having Zach in the same spot, watching the one person he’s opened up to (other than Joe) gone. He wanted nothing to do with the long phone calls that would have happened with Abby theorizing leads on where her niece is. Joe couldn’t handle being around the remnants of the Morgan Family with the disappearance of Matt. See it with Cameron? Nope. Definitely not. Rachel? No way in heck did he want to be anywhere near her. Not cause he doesn’t care he just cares so much it’d kill him. Rachel was a mess. First Matt, now maybe Cammie? I think Joe would literally rather died than live long enough to “fail” Rachel Morgan and Matthew Morgan even one more time. He was so glad not to watch a woman as strong as Rachel Morgan shed anymore tears over something that he was a part of.
Also though?!? Joe Solomon? Deeply.deeply. guilty. The guy has a complex about this kind of thing. He truly believes to his very soul that the disappearance of his best friend is his sole blame. HIS DAUGHTER THOUGH?! Come on gang. He joined the academy basically to follow through on his promise to Matt to “take care of them if anything happened to him”? To keep her away from the same fate? I bet a part of him really thought “maybe if I’d be there”. Joe failed at it again. So ya. He was so glad…..he also couldn’t even be relieved because he was guilty. Probably pissed? He was definitely good and mad. He wanted to be there but he didn’t. He wanted to “clean up his own mess” but he’s also so thankful he didn’t have to be around. I think Joe Solomon felt A LOT.
Just remembered that Zach dances with Rachel during the ball in Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy, and I have So Many Thoughts™ like
First of all, who asked who to dance, because I don't see the "charming and debonair art thief" asking the First Lady of France to dance, so she must have asked him to dance!!!
Did she make a comment about him and Cammie in Roseville with Josh (because obviously Joe told her about it)
Did she mention anything about his mom, or say that she was onto him or whatever?
Did she mention the M&M's from D.C., and maybe bring up how her husband used to love them, just like Cammie
Did they talk about Joe? They had to have talked about Joe right?
And finally, there's just no way Rachel Morgan didn't tell him to go dance with her daughter. She was onto them immediately, I'm convinced
I haven’t finished it yet but……CAN ANYONE PLEASE COME FANGIRL?!? “The Blonde Who Came In From The Cold?!?! LOVE. Ally Carter truly is amazing because I’m enthralled here. 😍🙌🏻🤩
Been thinking about how as Catherine’s son, Zach was probably rarely listened to—both by his mother, or Circle recruits in the splinter cell, or just in general. He was just Catherine’s kid.
We learn in OSOT that he went looking for his mother and presumably found her (and accidentally tipped her off, if the OGSY declassified epilogue is any indication), meaning the only time his mother and her splinter group have ever listened to Zachy is when he accidentally tipped them off to his girlfriend running away.
The only time his mom listened to him indirectly led to the love of his life being captured and tortured by his mother.
anyway i see why he went crazy. i’m shocked he didn’t pick up drinking.
Oh, just sitting here laughing at myself. You guys are pretty kind not to point out that both my spelling and grammar went out the proverbial window with my excitement. My new Roman Empire is how I posted something without rereading it once. Hahah. YIKES. What can I say? Fangirling is apparently bad for my literacy. 😂@gildengirl @batsarethecoolestanimals @outspokenchameleon
Hey. Here’s a totally random short. I love Townsend/Abby. Hopefully I got the vibes somewhat close to cannon hah! @gildengirl I hope I do some justice to your fav pairing!
“Please, Edward.” Abby was not the begging type, but the man in front of her stood stoically, gazing out the window at the dark landscape.
“Abigail. You cannot possibly be asking me to do what I think you’re asking of me. I simply cannot risk my reputation on this.” He sighed in frustration. He clearly was still refusing to face her. He hadn’t faced her all day, all week, for that matter. Agent Edward Townsend was a coward.
“I’m not asking you for the sun and the moon. I’m asking you for time. Can you please, at least, give me time?” She tried to step closer, but he edged backwards. For the first time, his eyes flicked to meet hers.
“Abigail, don’t.”
“Don’t what?!?” She couldn’t help herself from snapping at him. She was beyond frayed and tired. “Ready to snap” was a phrase Abby was living her life by this past week. Even Rachel’s plans were falling to pieces under the Circle’s pressure. Blackthorne had not gone to plan. According to Cam, who was plenty banged up, the journal they were looking for had already been in their possession. They hadn’t been betting on Joe. They were about to lose Joe.
“Don’t beg. It isn’t becoming. It’s not you, and I won’t hear it. I have given you time. More time than I should have. I already have MI6 breathing down my neck. What would you have me do? Hmm? You can’t possibly be asking me to trust him.” He sounded so skeptical. She couldn’t really blame him.
She looked out the dark window down at the campus she knew so well. She had never felt less at home here. Something about that made her want to break something. She had to get him to understand.
“If you do this to my family, Townsend, I swear to you I will never forgive you. I will never talk to you. Whatever this is? You and me? Done. I won’t be able to forgive you for this.”
She meant it. She had stood on the sidelines of her sister and nieces’ lives for too many years after Matt’s disappearance. She swore to herself that she’d never let something get in the way of them again, even him. Even if it would kill her inside to let him go.
Rachel had to let go of Matt because of her: Matt, Joe. She refused to let herself relive those moments after the blast all week. Catherine was gone, her goons with her. She, Rachel, and the Baxters were navigating around the blown-up spots of the tomb. Of course, it had to have been Rachel who found Joe. He looked dead. Pale, thin from being on the run, and absolutely covered in ash from the explosion. Abby never wanted to relive her sister’s silent crying, panicking to find a pulse on Joseph Solomon. If it weren’t for Rachel’s being a mess, Abby would have done the same. Joe really looked gone in that moment.
He huffed and rolled his eyes. “So now that you’re upset with me, it’s Townsend? I seem to remember the beginning of this week when you were knocking at my door. Not so formal then, were you?”
Despite herself, she gave a small smile. “You didn’t seem to mind at the time.”
He grumbled. “You weren’t using our connection to manipulate me into letting Joseph Solomon off the hook for literal treason. He’s a double agent. I know that you all like him, but this is my job.”
“We don’t just like him. You don’t understand. He’s one of my best friends. He’s my sister’s only friend; she really relies on him. He’s my niece’s only male role model after Matt. We love him. I love him.”
Townsend recoiled slightly, and Abby knew that she might have to explain that one further. Townsend threw her for an absolute loop when he asked, “What about Solomon’s little shadow? Zachary? Her son just happens to follow this man around, and you don’t all see that as a potential conflict of interest? He very clearly cares for the boy.”
Abby had considered that too when she’d first heard about Joe’s past. After knowing Joe, reading the journals, and talking with Zach, she knew that the only conflict of interest belonged to Zach. Poor kid’s only parent was part of a terrorist organization. “Joe is helping him to see that there’s a life outside of the Circle of Cavan. He’s a good kid. He’s trying to the right thing.”
Townsend heaved a sigh, dragging his hand down his face. “You love him? Do you have a history with him? Is that why you’re asking me to let him die?” He used his hands to emphasize the question.
Abby stepped towards him again. This time, he didn’t back away. She brushed a curl off his forehead. Looked him in the eyes. “I do love him, as a friend. I think… I think my sister might be in love with him. We have no history worth mentioning, I promise. Just friends. I’m not asking you to trust him. I’m asking you to trust me. Do you trust me?”
He leaned forward. His hand caressing the side of her cheek. She melted a little, even though she shouldn’t have. She had a point to prove. She lost her train of thought when he kissed her softly. She looked into his eyes and said as sincerely as she could manage, “I would never ask you to do something I wouldn’t or couldn’t do. I trust him. I trust this. I’m sure that Joe isn’t the circle member you think he is.”
He listened, playing a string frayed off the neck of her sweatshirt. “How are you so confident? Might I ask?”
“Can you keep a secret?” He rolled his eyes and smirked. “No, Abby. I can’t. I’m a secret agent who cannot keep a secret.” She grabbed his hand, dragging him down the halls.
She walked down the hall of history to her sister’s office. She knew that Rachel always kept it locked, which is why Abby had the second key—just this week—so that Abby could help out while Rachel sat with Joe. She opened the door, flipped on the light, and pulled Townsend inside. She sat on the leather couch and pulled Matthew’s journal into her lap. He sat gingerly beside her.
“Is that?” Pointing at the book.
“Yes. You can read it, but I’m begging you to return it to me and not to tell anyone that I showed you this.”
“It’s Matthew’s, yes?”
“Mmhmm.” Was all that she could choke out. “Edward. I won’t beg you to not turn Joe in, I truly think you’ll look at him differently. I am begging you though that you don’t look at me differently?”
Townsend sighed, “If I do see things differently?”
“I”…Abby almost didn’t want to imagine it. “I don’t know. I would have a really hard time. My family is already a mess. They’ve gone through enough. I’ve….. I’ve done enough damage.”
Edwards blue eyes pierced through her soul. “What do you mean?”
“I’m the last person he was supposed to see.”
He started to tell her something, but she refused to hear it. She stood and ushered them out of the office. He went to take her hand, but she wouldn’t let him. She walked away before she could cry.
She found herself in the passageway leading to Joe’s room. She could hear the machines beeping, and as she rounded the corner, she saw her sister on a chair next to Joe. She was wide awake.
“You coming to visit him or me?” She asked quietly. As if it would wake him. Abby would love to get into a screaming match loud enough to wake Joe.
“Ummm. Him.”
“Were you with Agent Townsend earlier? I thought he’d left.” Rachel sounded cool, but Abby knew better. Her sister was holding a bit of a grudge over Joe’s arrest.
“Yes. He’s working on some paperwork for MI6.”
Rachel sighed, looking at Joe. “We are so lucky that this was off the books. He doesn’t strike me as the type to leave anything out if it were. Maybe he won’t have to include anything about Joe? Just looking for the journals?”
Abby sat momentarily stunned. This wasn’t off the books. Not in the least. Why did Rachel think that it was? “It was off the books?”
Rachel looked at her. “That’s what Agent Townsend reported to me. Is that not your understanding? Agent Townsend is certainly smart enough to know that we would hide him if Joe was going to be turned in.”
Abby hated lying to Rachel and very rarely did so, but this felt like the right thing to do. “No, I was under the impression it was off-book, and Edward wouldn’t do that.” She hoped she was correct with the last part. As principled as he was, maybe he would, if he considered it the “right thing”.
Abby would reconsider in the morning. She left Rachel with Joe, told her to get some sleep, and headed to bed herself.
~~~~~~~~~~~
It was early. Too early for Abby to be awake. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She needed to talk with Townsend. She dressed and walked to the room he was in. She knocked on the door. Nothing. She knocked again. Nothing. She opened the door and found the room to be empty. He really was a coward. No sight of Matt’s journals. She would physically kill him if he took those to MI6.
She started towards Rachel’s office, ready to come clean when she spotted him. Crouched next to Rachel’s door, ever so carefully sliding Matt’s journals under it.
“I thought I told you that you could return those to me,” her patience all but gone.
He didn’t seem surprised to see her there. He rose slowly and walked towards her. Abby liked to consider herself the time of woman who was hard to surprise, but he seemed to be a frequent exception. He wrapped his big arms around her shoulders in what could only be described as a hug. Agent Edward Townsend was attempting a hug. He pressed his lips to her forehead and told her in a hushed tone, “Abby, I’m sure you won’t believe me, but in my professional and personal opinion, you have no responsibility in Matthew Morgan’s disappearance.” Abby felt the wind leave her. Every thought went quiet as she tried to restrain herself from crying. He clearly didn’t understand the full picture.
She distracted herself by landing on one singular thought: “You were leaving without saying goodbye again. Weren’t you?”
He released her from their hug, picking up his backpack and leaning against the wall under the Cavan’s sword. He gazed at it for so long that she started to wonder if she had spoken the words aloud.
“Edward?”
“I heard you. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me.” He was still looking at that stupid sword. “I always thought it was Solomon who killed your brother-in-law. They normally aren’t above that sort of thing.”
Abby felt a cold, hard sense of dread creeping up her spine. “Did you finish your report?”
“Yes. I did.” Were his only words in reply.
“Why did you tell Rachel this was off the books?” Abby had to know.
“To buy as much time as possible, to sort things out. MI6 I can handle. The wrath of your sister? No, thank you.”
Abby ventured, “You did sort things out? Are you going to turn Joe in?”
“No. Joe Solomon clearly enjoys the Circle of Cavan as much as I do. I had genuinely thought that if he were capable of killing Agent Morgan than he was a danger to anyone. Your brother-in-law however convinced me that Joseph Solomon is not a danger to anyone but himself.”
Abby breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness Matt wrote everything down then. Who knew it’d be Joe’s literal get out of jail free card. Thank you for hearing me out…I….Why would I not want to see you then?”
He laughed without much humor. “You know, love, you aren’t one for sticking around after any sense of emotional vulnerability.”
She decided to let the comment slide for the time being, considering it held some truth.
“So you’re leaving then?” she asked.
“Yes. Off to explain how I’m late on a report for the first time in 11 years. They aren’t too pleased with me at the moment.” He looked at his shoes.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be in trouble. I seem to get you into trouble a lot. At least I’m worth it.” She said with a wink.
He smirked at her. “You do. It certainly livens up my jobs…. Admittedly, yes. That’s probably true.”
Maybe he wasn’t as big of a coward as she gave him credit for. He turned without another word, headed down the hall of history. He called over his shoulder, “Do be smart, love.
~~~~~~~~~~
Uhhhh. I feel deep in my soul that Townsend is jaded from Catherine and worried about how convincing Abigail Cameron can be…… maybe that’s part of the reason these two take forever??
Matthew Morgan knew about Zachary Goode and what that boy meant to Joseph Solomon.
In OSOT Joe says that Matt knew Joe was emotionally too attached to the circle and while he said that he glanced at Zach. Like what did Matt think of Zach? Did he view him as his best friend's son or his enemy's? Did he know that one day Joe would make Zach and Cam meet? Would he have trusted Zach to love his daughter?
YESS. About to jump on this train. SUCH a Roman Empire. Idk why but this is how I have it in my head. The son Vs enemy line? Ooooph. Going to be thinking on that one. UGH THAT HE KNEW HOW MUCH JOE LOVED THE KID?!? Come on.
So unbelievably convinced that Matthew Morgan met Zach at some point. Come on Matt basically seeing this poor kid like the same age as his daughter? Matthew Morgan being kind of taking by this little guy who reminds him of Joe?
I think that Zach would have to be young enough not to remember, and it wouldn’t be super crazy impactful but enough to think to himself “who was that guy that Joe intruded me to? The one that snuck me candy and asked if I wanted to play a game of hide and seek in that one safe house?”
Haha that one day long into the future Zach will say something to Cammie (in front of Joe) like “I wish I had met your dad” and Joe being like “Um. You did meet him. Remember? I mean you were a skeptical little guy. It took you a minute to warm up but you pretty quickly ditched me and followed him around for a weekend. You weren’t a very loyal 3 year-old.”
Joe just genuinely never thought to tell them about because 1. They were technically working so…need to know. 2. Joe might be a super spy but he’s a man. He just plain never thought to share lol
adding to this to say that my Matthew Morgan-loving heart says that he gave Zach some sweets because “Joe says your mom doesn’t give you any candy” and one thing about Matthew Morgan is that he WILL give a child candy when they’re not supposed to have it.
Matthew Morgan knew about Zachary Goode and what that boy meant to Joseph Solomon.
In OSOT Joe says that Matt knew Joe was emotionally too attached to the circle and while he said that he glanced at Zach. Like what did Matt think of Zach? Did he view him as his best friend's son or his enemy's? Did he know that one day Joe would make Zach and Cam meet? Would he have trusted Zach to love his daughter?
YESS. About to jump on this train. SUCH a Roman Empire. Idk why but this is how I have it in my head. The son Vs enemy line? Ooooph. Going to be thinking on that one. UGH THAT HE KNEW HOW MUCH JOE LOVED THE KID?!? Come on.
So unbelievably convinced that Matthew Morgan met Zach at some point. Matt basically seeing this poor kid like the same age as his daughter? Matthew Morgan being kind of taken by this little guy who reminds him of Joe?
I think that Zach would have to be young enough not to remember, and it wouldn’t be super crazy impactful but enough to think to himself “who was that guy that Joe introduced me to? The one that snuck me candy and asked if I wanted to play a game of hide and seek in that one safe house?”
Haha that one day in the future Zach will say something to Cammie (in front of Joe/Rachel) like “I wish I had met your dad” and Joe being like “Um. You did meet him. Remember? I mean you were a skeptical little guy but it took you record breaking time to crack a smile around a stranger. Let alone let go of my pant leg. You pretty quickly ditched me and followed him around for a weekend. Huh I didn’t realize you didn’t remember.”
Everyone being like hey? Joe? Way to bury the lead? Joe just genuinely never thought to tell them about because 1. They were technically working so…need to know. 2. Joe might be a super spy but he’s a man. He just plain never thought to share lol
About a month after the events of DJGC, Rachel turns up at Joe’s cabin for a catch up before she plans to fly to London.
———————————————————————
Five minutes before Rachel arrived at his cabin, Joe started preparing coffee.
She hadn’t let him know she was coming, but she wasn’t trying to hide it either. The cameras on the freeway nearby had picked up the numberplate of her own Range Rover as it took the turning towards his place. Sound sensors placed along the gate blocking his drive from the road picked up the tell-tale squeak of it being opened, no attempt being made to dampen or disguise the sound. The motion alarm system operating on the long driveway through the trees was blaring with activity. He could hear her tires on the gravel track, her heels on his wooden porch steps, the wrap of her knuckle on the old door.
He pulled a shirt over his head, sweaty from his workout despite the chill and frost in the air, and pulled the door open, a small smile already gracing his face.
His heart thudded in his chest. Rachel looked beautiful. She always looked beautiful, large doe eyes and porcelain skin, hair falling in waves around her chin, kind smile and kinder heart, but today her face was flushed from the cold, snowflakes dancing in the darkness of her hair, eyes brightening with something at the sight of him. She looked stunning. A grin was plastered on her face, polite greeting lingering on her lips. She welcomed herself inside, wrapping a strong arm around his neck in a quick side hug, one of his own settling briefly round her back, savouring the brief feeling of holding her in his arms, hating himself for how his heart jumped in his chest at the sight of her, the feel of her body heat, the scent of her head.
He stepped back. When it came to her, distance had always been his ally.
Back turning to her, he made his way through the little cabin to the kitchen where he had set out two cups of coffee. One decorated with tractors and hay bales, a gift from Matt, already laden with milk and two sugars, the other affectionately labelled I’m with stupid and adorned with an arrow pointing up, a gift from Abby, left black and bitter. Rachel followed behind him, silently removing the snow soaked scarf and coat which covered her oversized sweatshirt, a navy number Joe recognised as one of his. He swallowed, eyeing her in the reflection of the window, still breathless by the sight of her.
“You just get back from a run?” She was eyeing his attire with mirth, his legs now blue with the cold under his shorts, one of Matt’s old baseball tees being the first thing he could find to throw on. It was too small for him, hem falling exactly at the level of his shorts, riding up when he reached into the cupboard for the bags of M&Ms he keeps stored there, sleeves fitting snug around his shoulders and biceps, the material tight on his chest. “You didn’t have to get all dressed up for me.”
His attention flickered back to her at her tone. It was light and airy, traces of her grin still lingering on her lips, proof of her amusement glinting in her eyes. She sounded almost like her sister. Her gazed trailed up from his legs, lingering on his shorts, then trailed up his arms and down his shoulders. Swallowing, her smile wavered when she recognised the logo on the shirt, the glint in her eyes darkening when she recognised it as Matt’s. A deep breath rattled through her, lip caught between her teeth. Joe hadn’t meant to upset her.
He shrugged, “Got to look good for the boss.”
Humming in something like agreement, the smile returned to her face when he handed her her coffee, gulping back at least half of it immediately. Neck extended back, chin tilted up, she wrapped her lips around the rim and swallowed deeply, oblivious to how he couldn’t blink, couldn’t look away couldn’t breathe. He took a sip from his own drink, relishing the way the heat burned through him, cleansed him.
“What’s up?” They took a seat in the sitting room, both aiming for the small couch but pausing when they reached it, Joe subtly re-angling his body towards the armchair. “Thought you’d be with Cameron by now.”
Rachel had tensed when they reached the couch, had relaxed when she sat amongst the assorted cushions alone, then tensed again at the mention of her daughter. Her face betrayed her thoughts. Softened though it was at the thought of her, her anxieties over Cammie’s future, her safety, bled through. Although her mouth was closed, Joe could see the way her teeth had clamped down on the inside of her cheek, how her tongue was pressed hard into the roof of her mouth. Eyebrows drawn together by the concerned frown that started brewing across her features, she angled her head lower to hid the worry on her face behind her hair, disguising the move as reaching down to adjust her shoe. A deep breath, and she lifted her head again, all signs of stress vanquished and only the soft smile so often associated with her daughter left on her face.
“She’s safe with the Baxters.” Joe had never suggested she wasn’t, never thought she wasn’t, but he let Rachel reassure herself of this under the guise of reassuring him. He let her have that. “Abby and I are flying out in a couple days.”
That’s new.
Since Matt’s disappearance, his death, Abby had spent most of her Christmas’ working or hiding, the one exception being the year she turned up on his doorstep in drunken floods of tears, endless apologies pouring out of her mouth and refusing to let him touch her. He figured it was a good sign that Rachel had finally convinced her to spend the holidays with her family again instead of her guilt, though the festivities being held in London rather than Nebraska might have had something to do with it.
“Besides, I wanted to check on you before we go.” She smiled at him again, the near image of her younger sister, eyes saying words he couldn’t quite translate.
Something melted in him at her words, her smile, her kindness, warmth spreading through him and leaving goosebumps up his arms. His chest felt tight, like he couldn’t breath, but not in a painful way, more like he didn’t need to breath while she was looking at him like that. Her concern over him was touching, but he didn’t deserve it. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, he returned her smile, bashfully diverting his gaze to the floor lest the look on her face start causing his cheeks to redden.
“I’m good,” The words were soft, barely a whisper, met by a hum and a sip of coffee in response. Throat clearing, his tone turned back to professional stoicism. “I’ve got an asset in the Middle East to track down,” he nodded to the notes and maps strewn across the coffee table, M&Ms scattered amongst them, “and I told Zach I’d meet up with him a few weeks.”
“How is Zach?”
Angry. Scared. Alone. So much like Joe was at that age it made him sad, and yet so different, so much better, it made him proud.
“Alright.” He didn’t make Rachel wait long for what she really wanted to know. As much as Rachel was kind to the boy as a favour to Joe, as much as she was fondly amused by his attempts to charm Cammie, Joe knew that part of her was still thinking like an operative, was concerned with how Zach was useful more than how he was. “He hasn’t heard anything from Catherine or the rest of them.” She bit her lip again. He continued, knowing that a small part of her, much smaller than the part of Abby but part of her all the same, thought that he was dangerous. Thought that his presence in Cammie’s life was dangerous. Was putting her at more risk. “I told him to keep his distance over the winter. He knows his mother keeps an eye out for him, he wont do anything to put Cameron at risk.”
Joe’s thoughts strayed to 20 years ago. Wondered if he had kept a similar distance from Matt, if Matt had kept a similar distance from Rachel, would they be safer now? He’s sure that they would, sure that all the hardship the Morgan family had suffered through could be traced back to the day he made a confession to his best friend, asked him for help. He wondered if anything he ever does will ever atone for that.
Sipping again from his drink, he let the bitterness wash over him, tickling his throat and mingling with the acid in his stomach. She mimicked him, her coffee sweeter though still strong, warming and comforting where his was harsh and jolting.
Fitting, he mused to himself.
“How is Abby? I haven’t spoken to her since…” Since she was shot, since she almost died. Since she kissed him, since she implied she did it to make Rachel… jealous?
Another indecipherable look passes over her face at his question. Head cocked slightly to one side, eyes inquisitive like she’s trying to read his mind. “Alright.” Something in her relaxes when all he does is nod. A deep breath fights its way out of her chest through her mouth, she nods slowly to herself, nose crinkling slightly as her thoughts stray to her little sister. “Yeah she’s alright, looks better. She’s back in the sling though. Her shoulder popped back out the socket at the end of her undercover op, but it should finish healing up over the holidays.”
“That’s good.” It was good. Abby had looked a little like death warmed over and painted with a smile last time Joe had seen her.
“Hmm,” Theres that look again, that question in her eyes like its abnormal for him to be concerned about a friend he’s known half her life. “She’s going to be hard to convince to take it easy though, I just heard that The Circle member in lockup, the shooter, started talking this afternoon so I’m-“
“What?”
What?
His heart froze in his chest, air in his lungs turning to cement, brain short circuiting then rebooting again all at once. He remembers the man with the gun from DC. Pale hair and snarling face. Wiry limbs and impeccable aim. Remembers him from school. Well made bed and pristine uniform. Poor gym scores made up for by his target practice. Remembers him from his early days in The Circle. Angry and determined. Lonely and violent.
If he’s started talking, Joe may not be safe here, Rachel may not be safe here. If that man gives Langley Joe’s name then they’ll be questions to answer. The people Joe has known longest, the only people other than Matt he let get close to him, will come under scrutiny. Abby’s history will probably get her in the clear quite quickly. She’s worked with CIA, with Interpol, with MI6 tirelessly over the last few years on mostly sanctioned missions to root out Circle members, and the organisation had made more attempts to kill her than anyone else still alive. But before his death Matt made sure to keep Rachel far removed from their business, and afterwards she removed herself in order to stay near Cammie, if Joe’s name gets leaked there will be people from high up, idiots, who will have questions for her.
Maybe he can turn himself in, make sure they understand, make sure they know she never had anything to do with it. They may be more likely to believe him if he goes willingly. No matter how much it hurts to picture the betrayal on Rachel’s face when she learns the truth, how she’ll hate him, how she’ll finally believe him when he says he’s to blame for Matt’s death, if the truth’s coming out anyway this may be the best way to protect her.
But how can he protect Cammie?
If he turns himself in, he’ll never see the light of day again. He can live with that. God knows it’s what he deserves for what he’s done to this family. But until they know why The Circle are after Cammie, until they’ve been stopped, until she’s safe again, Joe can’t be indisposed. He has to protect her. He promised Matt. He promised Rachel.
He’ll have to run. It will make him look guilty. They’ll send teams of operatives after him, operatives that he knows and has worked with and may even be friends with. They could send Abby to track him down. She’ll be furious with him, she’ll hate him. She’ll be hurt and betrayed and wont listen if he tries to explain. The younger of the Cameron sisters had always been quick to anger, burning hot and fast like a sparkler on a short fuse.
He’ll go into hiding, just while the heat dies down. Then maybe he can track down some of Matt’s old journals, something that explains what he did, why they did it. Maybe they’ll be something in there that explains what The Circle want with Cammie. Maybe he can protect her and salvage the only functioning relationships he has in one go. Maybe if he can save her she’ll forgive him, maybe Zach will forgive him.
‘-Joe? Are you okay? Did you hear what I said?”
Rachel will never forgive him.
It was a painful truth to come to realise, cutting through his flesh and burning through his heart. The kindness, the concern she was showing him now, the delicate hand she lay on his and the worried frown that graced her features would become cold. He couldn’t breathe. He wanted to cry. He needed to leave but if this was the last time he was going to see her, see her like this, he wanted to savour it. Drink her in. Fill his lungs with her.
“Sorry Rach,” Questions flinched across her face, he never called her Rach. “I just remembered I have to go.” He downed the rest of his coffee, the bitterness of it turning to ash in his mouth, and stood. She took his lead cautiously, following him to the door and redressing for the cold. “My asset is supposed to check in at a payphone across town soon.”
They paused at the door, Joe’s heart thumping in his chest, breaking for the pain he’s about to put her through.
“Merry Christmas Rachel, give my love to the girls.”
I’m sorry. I love you.
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, drawing him in close and tight. The warmth of her spread through his body, every inch of them touching. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to ever let go.
“Merry Christmas Joe.” Slowly, she pressed a light kiss to his cheek, pulling back ever so slightly. His hands still hovered around her waist, her’s still perched on his shoulders, but they stood face to face now, eyes locked and breath shared. A moments hesitation, Joe’s heart in his mouth and his blood pooling to his feet, and then she pulled away completely, sending him another soft smile as she walked out the door and unknowingly out of his life.
“Yeah, I know,” he says. “Your name is Ezekiel, but everyone else has a cool nickname, so I don’t see what the big deal is—”
“No,” he says, quieter this time. Matt’s at the very top of the rope, and Zeke is at the very bottom. They couldn’t be farther away from one another, and yet Matt still feels like they’re whispering from mere inches away. “My name is Joe.”
Cooper takes control again, pulling all of Matt’s attention now. “That’s what we’re talking ‘bout, Morgan,” he says. “You’ve got the instinct, and you’ve got the talent. I’ve spent years recruiting boys with half of what you’ve got. And it’s your choice of course—it ain’t gonna be easy—but this is a great opportunity, and your country sure could use you.”
I mean, it seems fitting that Catherine would teach him that. It had to be her or Joe? Maybe even just another circle member just trying to relate to Catherine Goode's son. I could totally see Catherine teaching him, and what do you know what? I bet that Townsend hates bikes.
“Maybe I didn’t like you yet,” she admits. “Maybe I just liked the idea of you. Maybe I hoped you could become someone great, and maybe I hoped I could be a part of that.”
“Am I?” he wonders. “Great?”
“Better,” she says. “You’re good.”
It wouldn’t mean anything coming from anyone else. But because it comes from her, it means absolutely everything. “You’re a part of that, y’know.”
She gives his hand another squeeze and laces her fingers between his. Before long, she falls asleep like that, and Matt reckons her touch could keep him pinned in place until his very last breath. For the first time in his adult life, he understands why his pops is always praising simple pleasures.
And by God, he really is in love with her.
- Sarah Coury, Full Circle: 1986
Mood board inspired by Full Circle by @averagejoesolomon
