[bsdverse]

Ranpo: Let me know if you have any questions

Dazai: I have a question

Ranpo: Great thanks for letting me know

[bsdverse]

[A normal day at the ADA office]

Dazai: (complaining about his back ache) Chuuya broke the bed last night! Now my back is aching soo bad...

Atsushi: Wow... last night must have been wild, huh?

Dazai, winking: Oh you have no idea...

[Flashback to last night]

Dazai: I bet 20 dollars you can't jump high enough to touch the ceiling without using your powers

Chuuya: The FUCK I can't! FUCK you! You better get ready to pay up for losing the bet because I'm about to jump so fucking high I'll crash through the ceiling you shitty mackerel!!

[End flashback]

Dazai: (whistles) Yeah that was one heck of a wild night

[bsdverse]

Dark Era Dazai doing torture like...

Dazai: You call it "really bad at darts", I call it freestyle acupuncture

Captured spy: FINE I'LL TALK

[bsdverse]

Dazai, lying on the floor: Hey chibi

Chuuya: What.

Dazai: Do crabs think that fish are flying?

Chuuya: ... How high are you?

Dazai: 181 cm

[bsdverse]

Flight attendant: Before we take off, please make sure that all small items are secure

Dazai, turning to Chuuya while smirking: Well?

Chuuya: ? The fuck you want?

Dazai: Do you feel safe?

Chuuya:

Chuuya: I'm going to beat you up the minute we get off this plane

[bsdverse]

Kunikida: You're surprisingly mature for someone who's so naive

Atsushi: Thanks! It's the trauma :D

Kunikida:

[bsdverse]

Dazai: Hey chibi I bet you I can jump higher than a tree

Chuuya: Oh? I'd like to see you try

Dazai: (jumps)

Dazai: Tadah~

Chuuya: The fu-

Dazai, mockingly: Trees can't jump, stupid chibi~

Chuuya:

Chuuya: YOU-

[bsdverse]

Chuuya: Truth or dare?

Dazai: Truth.

Chuuya: How many hours have you slept this week?

Dazai:

Dazai: Dare.

Chuuya: I dare you to go to sleep.

Dazai: I don't like this game-

[bsdverse]

Dazai: Would you date me if I was a worm?

Chuuya: I wouldn't date you, period.

Dazai: ... You were supposed to say no but not like that-

[bsdverse]

Akutagawa: Happy birthday, Chuuya-san. Here is Dazai-san's present to you, which he asked me to deliver.

Chuuya: ... That's a big box

Akutagawa: Yes it is

Chuuya: ... He's inside it, isn't he

Akutagawa: ... (slowly retreating from the scene)

[bsdverse]

Atsushi: The stars look beautiful tonight

Akutagawa: You know who else is beautiful?

Atsushi, blushing: No, who?

Akutagawa, with no hesitation: Dazai-san

[bsdverse]

Atsushi, shivering: I'm cold...

Akutagawa: (takes off his coat and wraps it around Atsushi) Better?

Atsushi, beaming: (nods) Thanks!

Dazai, turns to Chuuya: I'm cold

Chuuya, glaring as he pulls his coat tighter: Well damn Dazai I can't control the goddamn weather

[bsdverse]

Chuuya: (switches on the light to find Dazai breaking in)

Dazai: Before you say anything I was just breaking in to tell you that I love you

[bsdverse]

Chuuya: My goddamn boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss, what should I do?

Akutagawa: Punch him in the stomach and kiss him when he doubles over from pain

Gin: Kick him in the shin

Tachihara: Break up with him and get a new boyfriend of comfortable height to kiss

Dazai: ??? JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN

[bsdverse]

Akutagawa: I'm into dark humour

Atsushi: (turns off the lights)

Atsushi: Hey wanna hear a joke?

[bsdverse]

[In the middle of a mission]

Chuuya: Wait, be quiet!

Dazai: Did you hear something?

Chuuya: No I just wanted you to shut up

[bsdverse]

Dazai, walking into the kitchen: Hey, do we have any flour?

Chuuya: Yeah, why?

Dazai: Some kids outside want cocaine