#incorrect bsd quotes

[runboybeneaththemoon]

[alien-slushie]

Akutagawa: Everyone shut up and admire my Husband. *opens his laptop to show a video of Atsushi fighting*

PM: *not really doing anything else so they do as told*

Tachihara: Dang! Did you see that jump? The weretiger is flexible.

Akutagawa: *frowns and narrows his eyes* Nevermind, you have admired him too much. *slaps laptop shut and stalks away*

Higuchi: Gross, thats a married man Tachihara!

Chuuya: Yeah, nice going.

Tachihara: Wha-I-I didn't mean-

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

Chuuya: How long do you reckon it’ll be until Kunikida finally snaps and commits murder?

Dazai: I've been going through life assuming it’s already happened at some point and it’s just that no one was ever able to trace it back to him.

[inamagicalhallucination]

atsushi bored out of his mind, and perhaps after watching a bunch of prank videos, texts various ppl in his life that he needs help hiding a body.

responses include:

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

ranpo: no u dont lmao;;; but if u did, dont text it dumbass, things like that get traced. just send a code word or something; something innocent

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

dazai: delete that and this immediately, and ill do the same. give me five minutes

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

naomi: what? who was it?

atsushi: someone broke into my apartment; i panicked

naomi: okay, we can call that self defense; worse case scenario we pin a few things on them and deal with it. dont worry. delete this convo tho, ill be there with junichiro

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

junichiro: naomi told me; dont worry, we wont let anything happen to you :)

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

kenji: like an animals? why not just eat it?

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

kyouka: are you pranking me? ill be over soon, just in case. i just need to give haruno-san a believable excuse. dont worry, if its true, she'll be my alibi.

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

akutagawa: read

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

lucy: cool. be there in 10

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

kunikida: WHAT.

kunikida: okay don't panic, delete this conversation. i'll be over as soon as i get a few things. dont touch anything. dont call anyone. dont answer the door unless you know its me.

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

poe: ranpo-san has informed me this is a prank.

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

yosano: okay, don't panic. happens to the best of us. first of all, calm down, no biggie, okay. then, im going to send you instructions on what to do, but i'll be over with better tools soon. we'll clean up the place, and you, and get rid of the body. after reading the instructions, delete all of this. we'll get rid of ur phone just in case. dont worry, the cops here are iffy, and ranpo wouldnt sell you out.

/

atsushi: i need help hiding a body

fukuzawa: i see.

/

anyway, atsushi wasn't expecting all the ppl in his life to immediately respond. he's about to send a follow up confirming this is a prank, but he hears his bedroom window open, and he panics, wondering if he prophesied a break in, he goes to check

akutagawa, completely casually: hmm u do not look bloody. that is good. well, you fool, take me to the body, the quicker this is dealt with the quicker i can stop suffering your presence.

atsushi: what? you came?

akutagawa: do not ask foolish questions

atsushi: wait-- okay wait, no sorry, this was just a--

*knock*

akutagawa: did you call someone else

atsushi: uh yes, lemme just check--

akutagawa: fool, that is the quickest way to get caught.

*akutagawa carefully pressing his ear against the door*

kunikida, outside: atsushi, kid, its me

atsushi, pushing akutagawa awya: relax its just kunikida

anyway, kunikida shows up with a bag adn cleaning supplies and atsushi tries to explain that this was just a prank but

kunikida: ah you told akutagawa as well. worse case scenerio we can pin it on him. its not like it'll effect hsi record much.

atsushi: W H A T

akutagawa: i had the same idea--

anyway during this, dazai shows up with chuuya

dazai: atsushi :( you called other people? well whatever, kunikida-kun can keep a secret and no one would believe akutagawa anyway

chuuya, yawning: lets get this over with already

lucy, showing up: whats going on--

yosano, with cleaning supplies and other tools: ah, did you tell the entire agency?

junichiro sneaking in through another window:

kyouka, now wearing all black so that if it gets dirty, its harder to tell, also through the bedroom window:

naomi, waiting for junichiro to let her in through the door:

and finally, when atsushi finally gets them to calm down and listen--

dazai: what~ it was a joke? i knew that

chuuya: wtf no u didnt

kunikida: atsushi, boy. i cannot believe u.

yosano: aw i was kind of excited

junichiro: haha u got us good

akutagawa: you foolish jinko. how DARE---

after, everyone calms down and has a laugh but then

fukuzawa, with a giant shovel: ah, good the entire team is here.

and after explaining it to him

kenji shows up with butchering tools: ooh are we having a banquet!! i brought tools to prepare the meat! which animal did you hunt?

[dazaiskinnie]

*Soukoku and Shin-soukoku chilling after a mission.*

Atsushi: If I were a gardener, I’d put our “two-lips” together.

Akutagawa: *blushes furiously.*

Dazai: If I were a gardener, you’d be my hoe.

Chuuya: …. Thanks I guess..?

[poe-tat]

Skk but Chuuya is female

Chuuya: no no this is my temporary husband

Dazai, the temporary husband: *waves*

Chuuya: see, I'm on vacation and I need someone with me so no one thinks I'm alone and vulnerable

Dazai: I'm only here for the free hotel and food

[sunnikos]

Atsushi staring at Akutagawa: I could fix him

Dazai: Please don't, it took a lot fo work to fuck him up this bad

[purpleangiie]

Learnt something cool for my literature exam today so I'm gonna make a rightful use of it and apply it to Bsd:

[15yo Chuuya and Dazai]

Dazai: "Chuuuuya."

Chuuya: "What do you want now, asshole?"

Dazai, smirking: "You're an oxymoron."

Chuuya: "What the hell does that even mean?"

Dazai: "You don't know what an oxymoron is?"

Chuuya: "Of course I know what an oxymoron is, I'm not an illiterate!

Dazai: "Oh really? You sound like on–"

Chuuya: *punches him in the gut*

Chuuya: "So? How would I be one? It makes no sense applied to a person... If this is another one of your crappy jokes on my height–"

Dazai: "Not this time. See, oxymoron, you slug, comes from ancient greek and is made up of two words, oksýs and mōrós, respectively meaning 'acute' and 'obtuse' or 'foolish. So, my dear chibi, it makes perfect sense that you are an oxymoron... A cunning imbecile."

Chuuya:

Chuuya: "You better start running, mackerel, cause when I catch you it won't be nice, trust me."