This is me.

MH & ADHD friendly. Pro Scottish Independence. Anti Prohibition. Pro European Union.

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Lol.

A pro-Scottish Indy + virulently anti-trans blog, popular within some circles of Scottish Indy, and the SNP made me the target of it rage today.

I've tweeted about it.

I even directly sent my brother a message about it since he doesn't follow my twitter.

He didn't respond and ask if I was OK.

My mum hasn't asked if I'm OK.

Now I'm in bed and thinking about this I just wanna cry again.

For my UK/Scottish peeps, it was Wing's Over Scotland.

I had people messaging me calling me part of the gustapo because I support the GRA (Gender Reform Act) and self-id.

Anyway. I continue to feel like the family that is suppose to matter to me don't give a flying fuck when it does actually matter to me. When I need to hear their concern. They're fucking awol.

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How are we all doing?

I know a lot of us are mostly angry, tired, stressed, anxious etc etc

I feel like I'm tired of moaning tonight. Like, Urgh. Just.. Fuck. Y'know.

Tired of bs. Lost in my brain. I would have been making another move to looking for a place in Dundee again now but the country is fucked still with covid so don't see the point right now.

Best I can do right now is try to sort my sleep out. But everything outside my house impacts that soooo 🤷🏻‍♀️🥺🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Me and Bella are gonna help each other do it. She's set alarms. And told her if she does wake up she can come in my room chuck water in my face and call me a cunt if it'll get me up and she won't get in trouble 🤷🏻‍♀️ she laughed, like, a lot at that. She won't call me a cunt though bc I can't even pay her £20 to say fuck which is so disappointing 😔🥺🤣

Love you all. Always think of tumblr buddies right now. All of them.

I need to find out about binders... Any here got any good info? Can't ask my lgbtqi crowd on twitter bc this isn't something Francis has discussed with my mum and needs to be quiet for now on their request.

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I mentioned on twitter that my SC handle was the same as my twitter handle and I..

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Always feel weird seeing myself with a B&W filter. Looks like I have normal hair.

Turquoise is going today if I can find a stripper in the chemist. It really suits Isabella and so I promised I'd change my colour so we don't match. I should end up some kind of fushia pink and purple combination I think. Was gonna do red but the red I bought doesn't look great. And I liked the pinks/purples I had before about a year ago. Also put some ear tunnels back in bc I was sick of looking at saggy holes 🙃😅

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@thelifesporadic I'm disappointed in myself for not paying attention. I went to view her TL from my gaming account.

She has a post shared by some GOP candidate wanting in on the lawsuits trying to challenge the results and she has tweets in her likes by the trump kids and Candance Owens.

I'm LGBTQ. I'm disabled. My children are POC. My twitter account has been 50% screaming trump is a cunt for 5yrs. Nothing about my opinions should be surprising to anyone who actually knows me in 2021.

I'm amused that I would be called a snowflake by those on the right but it's always those on the right that react in this manner.

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I mean, if you get so offended at me saying 'if you voted trump fucking unfollow me' to the extent you block me on twitter, IG and FB, I can only assume you voted trump? I'm going with a reasonable conclusion.

Her responses to me initially made me very anxious. They felt quite aggressive and I don't deal well with this type of confrontation at the moment. I won't accept any kind of apology or discussion with her after this, simply bc if she were a friend of any kind she wouldn't have approached this subject in this manner with me and the state my brain is in. Which I have communicated explicitly on all my socials multiple times. Many of you here have seen that.

I'm not going to lose sleep over it but I am quite confused about this happening now, and no other time during the last 4/5 yrs when I've said trump voters are fucking idiots and racists.

I am disabled and my children are POC, what other opinion do people expect me to have of trump?

The tweet below got deleted before I could respond. No doubt she thought she'd cut her losses, delete the tweet and just cut ties.

They'll be no rebuilding those.

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I think I just discovered I had a trump voter in my social circle via twitter and major offence taken at me tweeting 'if you voted trump fucking unfollow me'... Way back in like, Nov? In response to a tweet about Lewis Hamilton and racists? I am just as confused as you tbh.

I'm now blocked on every social media platform from the looks of it.

She was the person I stayed with in Spartanburg when I spent 2 wks in the USA in 2012 when I went over to meet the American Idiot.

This happened about an hr ago on twitter and I am SO CONFUSED.

Y'All that follow me there have seen me tweet about how much of a cunt I think he is for about 5yrs now.

Why now? IDK.

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Life & family is still a bag of rusty dicks.

But my gaming family are getting me through. Honestly couldn't have found better friends just by playing Elder Scrolls & joining the guild I found.

I have more moments right now than I would like of feeling like utter garbage. Like I've been abandoned by my mother & half my family either couldn't give a fuck about how I am or are sick of me being sad. Sick of my illnesses. Sick of me complaining about being sick.

Y'All, I am so sick of being sick they don't even know.

Anyway. I do have friends. Some of you are my friends. Even though we don't interact a lot, & I've mostly ditched FB except to passively aggressively post at my Brexit Tory voting step father. Yeah, all those posts are for him specifically. But I know you'd have my back and you always show me you're listening somehow someway when I need it.

Anyway. Last F1 race tomorrow and I wanted to be in bed to sleep so I don't miss anything on Sunday. It's already nearly 3.30am. At least I was in bed by 3am I guess and not 5am 🥺😅

Thanks for reading and listening to my shit all the time.

Also, S (my 13yr old) is nonbinary and is not enjoying their hyper feminised name. They want a gender neutral name but are not finding anything that's screaming OH THAT'S MY NAME.. Ace & Francis are on their shortlist. Any GN names you think might be worth considering or names you love that are GN, let me know! I said I'd ask my tinternet fam for suggestions.

They spoke to my mum about having a GN name to which my mum said 'well OK, but you'll always be Sofia to us' which made them sad. Mum asked what was up. They told her, 'well that was quite transphobic of you'

I'm so proud of them for being vocal right now.

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Lol. Just amazing finding out your brother had to stay home for 2 days and get tested for covid via fucking twitter.

As if I don't feel shut out of my so-called fucking family enough.

Can't even tweet my distress and anger bc it'll just blow shit up with my mother and I am still not in the best head space to deal with that shit right before Xmas.

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Here is the very stressful thing that happened this week.

5months ago Sofia came out to me as Bi and non binary.

Really they were just testing the sexuality waters with me and family acceptance. They are fully openly gay now. To say I am proud of their bravery is an understatement. (pls educate yourselves on the current lgbtqia+ issues in the UK and the current transgender 'debate' happening specifically within British 'feminism', within Scottish politics & more narrowly the SNP & the independence campaign)

You also may or may not know that around Sept time Sofia went to live this academic year with my mother. They are attending school in Norfolk. They have good friends & are very good/besties with 2 gay teen cis boys. Sofia is 14 in April '21.

Last week, Sofia and both boys were shut in a park near her school and had rocks thrown at them for being gay.

I only found out 2 days ago bc I was texting Sofia about swearing all over social media about transgender bullying and harassment. Which prompt her to tell me.

I have calmed down a little now. Below is a sample of how they are dealing with this. They describe feeling anxious a lot and we are looking to start her in therapy soon. Well, that's what I hope my mother is doing. Sofia said they'd spoken to my mother about doing this. I still have not heard from her since she told me she'd put money in the bank for Bella's birthday.

My current rage knows no bounds so I'll have to stop here bc I am triggering myself.

Below you'll also find an example of the business Sofia is trying to create. They don't stop making these bracelets. And earrings. They're so creative.

She is coding her own website. At 13. Coding. Her. Own. Website.

Anyone remember when Josh and Randy helped me during my first year of comp Sci in 2013? Yeah, she's more advanced than I was. Took me weeks to figure out coding a small form. Sofia has feedback forms and a scrolly menu all by themselves.

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It's been a stressful few days. I'll try to write something tomorrow.

But I just want you to all know that I am freaking the FUCK OUT because Gail Simone just followed me on twitter.

Trans rights are human rights and sometimes your heros do not disappoint you.

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Mum messaged a 2nd time about sending money to Bella's account. Gave her the info she wanted. She said something else, that ordinarily I would have replied to. But I didn't. And I won't be. I've been making good strides with my MH. I don't need her setting it back. Or falling into a trap of thinking I can rely on her again. Genuinely, I don't need or want shit from her anymore honestly.

I have my first phone call with my Psych tomorrow in about 6months. I was in crisis 2/3 wks ago. Real crisis. I relapsed with self harm. I was real deep in suicidal ideation (that's all it'll ever be, ideation. Pls don't worry. My kids have lost 1 parent already, they do not need to lose another. I would live in all kinds of pain to remain here for them no matter what it takes). But mum doesn't know any of this because she can't even be bothered to ask a simple, are you OK? So fuck her.

But I'm feeling better now than I have done for weeks. Maybe months. I have my moments. I trip up. I accidentally read triggering tweets. (nearly snapped my brothers head off on twitter for sharing an article by a known fucking transphobe. Sofia is non binary so their rhetoric impacts Sofia's life too. Look up the LGB Alliance if you've not heard their shit).

I'll have to cut myself short here it's nearly 5am and I have my call at 10am 🤣🥺

Anyway. Love you peeps for your continued support through hearts and replies. It keeps me going always. You make me feel heard when the person I wanted it off the most abandoned me 🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️

Politics this weekend. Online SNP conference. Glad to see our parties known transphobes aren't speaking.

Fuck Wings of Scotland.

Fuck the Common Weal Group.

All assholes.

Niiight ❤️❤️

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My mum texted via WhatsApp.

About Bella's birthday.

I gave her Bella's new/first bank details. And left it at that.

She responded with... Something.. I've forgotten and can't be arsed to go check for this post.

I read it.

Don't think I'll reply unless she's actually asking me a question. I might not be able to hold back on telling her I was suicidal & when I needed my mum the most she went awol. And I really don't want to be angry or upset today.

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TheBoneBed - Twitch

Elder Scrolls Online ° ADHD gamer ° She/her/they/them ° Emotionally unavailable sock ° Scottish w/ an English accent ° Aye Til I Die ° Scott

Streaming eso on Twitch.

Now with added doggo cam.

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My mum hasn't been in contact since Nov 8th.

Lol

Who wants to be my new mum? I need a replacement.

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2nd night in a row I've not gone to bed til nearly 4am. Not great but whatever. At least I'm not currently distressed and in emotional pain. That's a win.

In trying to think of music to introduce my 13 year old Sofia to, I rediscovered H.I.M today. Listening to them now in bed.

If you've any suggestion of alt rock for them, give them to me.

They've got Nirvana on their playlist and I can't remember the rest they told me.

Alt rock but nothing sad, they listened to 1 H.I.M song and tapped out of that one 😅 They're doing a great job at recognising what shit makes their pain worse and just cuts it out. H.I.M is great to torture yourself with if you're in emotional pain and want to wallow in it.

I stupidly put myself up for running a guild event on Saturday in ESO. I wasn't asked, just decided I needed to do a sky shard grind and thought I may as well take a group with me and announced it in discord.

Gonna try and sleep now.

Might plug a camera in for streaming tomorrow. Except it won't be on me. It'll be on my doggo 🙃🐶

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Have you heard Kesha's song Shadow?

Ngl, it made me feel all the things and now I'm mute bc overwhelming emotion 😭