owning up to my name i need to talk about my most personal and precious headcanon. evan buckley could have borderline personality disorder
my credentials: an initial self-dx that turned into a formal, peer-reviewed diagnosis for borderline personality disorder
my disclaimer: ⚠️ although supported by (my very personal) character analysis this is a headcanon ⚠️ some of those symptoms are in fact comorbid with ADHD ⚠️ oliver stark himself has mentioned in a post season 9 interview that buck having ADHD is also rather likely ⚠️
my warning: spoilers for 9-1-1 up to the season 9 finale!
anyway. im making this into 2 parts: causes, and symptoms
1a. chronic invalidation & negligence + indirect physical abuse
when it comes to the cause, bpd forms on a spectrum. it goes from mild chronic invalidation to severe abuse (in any way, shape or form). safe to say that the buckley parents have nailed the chronic invalidation and psychological abuse through ignoring buck his entire childhood except when he got hurt, leading him to self-harming behaviors. in the buck begins episode we see him purposely building unsteady bike ramps, unsafely climbing up trees and falling down (on accident) in front of his mother. young maddie herself says that the buckley parents get softer with buck when he gets hurt, and philip proves her right in that very scene by offering to go get ice cream (and, on a later incident, pizza).
1b. the donor baby arc (psychological abuse)
buck was a donor baby, solely made to provide his sick brother with "spare parts". daniel still passed away, and his entire existence became a secret in the buckley household. when daniel's bike was found & used in the buck begins episode, margaret and philip fought over the fact that philip wanted to keep a reminder of daniel. margaret then called (indirectly) buck a "constant reminder" of daniel. while it explains the situation for the viewer, from buck's pov we only know he makes his parents (especially margaret) miserable and can't figure out why. the impact that has on a kid is, well, kind of unfathomable unless you're that kid. later when he crashes his own bike and flunks college, there's another interesting scene of margaret yelling at buck that "children die", etc. you get the gist.
when it comes to the criteria for being diagnosed with bpd, you need to exhibit at least 5 out of 9 specific symptoms. buck checks, from my own analysis & understanding of the show and his character, 5 of these symptoms for sure, and then arguably a 6th one (you'll understand).
2a. unstable and intense relationships
buck has a very specifically catastrophic dating history, which encompasses 2 symptoms. when it comes to unsteady & intense relationships, there is a good number of examples
pre-abby. hook-ups, impulsive (this'll be a common theme) and repetitive. to the point where he almost lost his job by stealing a fire engine, and the very first scene of the show of him fucking a random woman in said fire engine. not very steady as far as human connections go, and while this can be fairly sane & sound, for buck it was a self-admitted symptom. once again, we'll come back to this behavior
abby. this one counts more as intense than unsteady in the beginning, and the unsteadiness of it all can be attributed to abby rather than buck. it is intense in the sense that it's buck's first serious relationship, it features a ~20 years age gap (personally i hate that, but that's another conversation) and, most importantly, completely different expectations that were ultimately not communicated. buck was going all out for her with extremely fancy dates (high-end restaurant, hot air balloon,...), while she didn't have the mental space to entertain a full-time relationship. additionally, there were some very uncomfortable (for me, once again personally) scenes where abby seemed to be way more interested in buck physically than emotionally. that created a gap in their relationship, and buck was clearly turning off the alarms at every turn.
taylor. while i did really enjoy their relationship, the foundations were shaky at best. he impulsively cheated on her with lucy donato ("just" a kiss but still cheating, at the very least to his own standards) and, instead of telling the truth, IMPULSIVELY asked taylor to move in with him. as taylor says, he essentially trapped her. probably an unconscious move, considering buck, but still. not very steady
tommy. exact same scenario as abby (i WILL make a separate post with the parallels between these 2 relationships bc i find it interesting), buck going all in suuuuper fast (moving in together 6 months into the relationship??). intense. as for unsteady, it's moreso... the beginnings. their relationship was founded on buck supposedly trying to get tommy's attention, which in and of itself seems like a misguided conclusion from buck. not a promising start. we don't get to see... any of their relationship beyond that, to be fair, outside of tommy not being that great of a partner to buck (the bachelor party, then the boil curse episode...). not much to say, but im counting it bc that shit burned down quickly. also the rebound episode, my god there is so much to say about this one
eddie. not exactly unsteady, but really, really intense. starts out with buck peacocking, then preening the minute eddie praises him and then boom best friends forever. i know the concept of a "favorite person" isn't approved of by every psychiatrist who treat and deal with bpd, but eddie fits that bill perfectly. it will be a separate post bc it's a longer analysis, but the gist of it lies in buck admitting that he's not dealing well with eddie leaving and everything he's done while eddie was trying to sublet his house etc. + the tommy episode, of course.
2b. impulsivity in at least two areas
as evidenced, his relationships. he moves extremely quickly in them, unconsciously tries to tie people down to him. this isn't just in romantic relationships, but also platonic. with bobby, he's constantly trying to prove his worth and get his approval (ex. when bobby is trying to leave for his cruise in s6, and buck reaaaally wants to be the temp captain to the point where he circumvents bobby during calls)
his pre-firefighter life, honestly. hopping from job to job, state to state, country to country... the montage of maddie reading his postcards shows how impulsive (im already tired of that word) buck is, until he finds stability.
the lawsuit. i hate bringing it up but it is such a good fucking example of buck's impulsivity. he was so very afraid of losing the bits of stability he's gained for the first time in his life that he went immediately to the most drastic move possible and sued the entire fucking department.
fostering theo. this one i wasn't fully sure of bc i haven't seen the season yet (patiently waiting for my family, whatever), but oliver stark's post season interview does put a word on it: buck doesn't think things through. he's barely out of the beginnings of an opioid addiction, has untreated trauma from the abduction and yet he takes a child in. not a very thought-out move
this kind of passes as impulsivity but deserves a section of its own, namely bc it has one in the diagnosis criteria lol. anyway, buck's hypersexuality was vaguely addressed in season 1 through him telling bobby he might have a sex addiction, as evidenced by his many hook ups. when it comes to hypersexuality in bpd (and, i assume, most cluster b personality disorders), it's a way to fill the void of #affection. and buck, with his famously unsteady past and conception of relationships, well, that translates easily to that.
2d. frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, real or imagined
once again, the lawsuit. to bring up another point and highlight how it was a massive overreaction within the show: when eddie tries to come back as a firefighter after his little dispatch adventure & bobby refuses, eddie doesn't sue the department. he reacts with anger at first and some choice words that really suck (bringing up the minnesota incident), but ends up actually following through on bobby's request & going to therapy seriously. im not saying that to make buck look bad, he's very dear to me, but that was unreasonable. which makes sense when it comes to buck's character at that stage! he was (still is, although now it's moreso seen as a funny little trait - as seen in s9 when he's temporarily replaced) terrified of being abandoned again, and felt completely alone and discarded.
on that topic: his reaction every time someone "threatens" to take his spot. in the 118, his initial reaction to eddie joining it and then much more recently to aforementioned temporary replacement. but also in his relationship with eddie, when eddie becomes friends with tommy
when taylor is dealing with her father's parole request, buck immediately assumes that the problem lies with him and that she's itching to break up with him
most of his young adulthood is, as it is for almost all of us, trying to figure out where he could fit. as i mentioned, he goes from 1 job to another, makes and breaks relationships over and over (hook ups, but also the ppl he meets in every state/country)
donor baby arc, once again. that news, unsurprisingly, shakes up his entire identity. he was "made" for daniel
his relationship with natalia, in my opinion, relied on how lost buck was regarding his life and who he is. he had died (for 3 minutes and 17 seconds, okay eddie) and lost his footing. the coma episode is also interesting, because it shows that without the trauma he's the golden child of the buckley household & in that alternate universe he just... follows in his parents' footsteps
speaking of, he questions himself and his place in the world rather frequently. in s6 he's looking for happiness (his own words, couch theory), in s9 he has this conversation with maddie about settling down etc.
those aren't technically symptoms as isolated examples bc that's the mindset of a lot of ppl in the 25-35 decade, but i still feel like they count. buck has a better grasp on who he is rn, because he has found the stability that every pwBPD yearns for, and that's why he so fiercely tries to keep it close to his heart
2f. addiction/self-harming behaviors
this one is kind of trickier bc it is as much a symptom as it is a cause, and would also fit in the impulsivity area but, with the events of season 9, i feel it deserves a spot.
buck has shown signs of self-harm throughout his childhood, but some of it has bled into adulthood. one thing that i haven't seen really talked about is the beginning of season 2, right before we see eddie through buck's pov. buck is talking about his body in a way that's a little... ed-y? eating disorders in "fit" (broad term) men is often overlooked bc it is extremely normalised and shows in different ways, but him obsessing over the amount of fat in his body leaves little room for interpretation imo.
ive already mentioned the opioid addiction and it has surrounding factors obviously, but im still putting it in this also because it constitutes a criteria.
and ill end this part on a note that is also terrifyingly overlooked in the show itself: the therapist in season 1. buck went to see a therapist for his self-admitred sex addiction, and... she had sex with him. i don't think i need to highlight the gravity of that event, but i will say that, while this is only 1 possibility out of a lot, pwBPD using sex as a self-harming tool not that uncommon.
anyway that's it 👍 i could expand on some parts but this post is already dreadfully long, so i'll stop here
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