Bucky, can you tell us about one of the times you had to take care of poor, sick, pre-serum Steve? I'm fighting off the last of a virus and could use a good story.
look you guys. i dunno what the hell kinda history books youve been reading about pre-serum steve, but ‘poor sick’ steve was pretty much the literal devil.
i am not joking. he was pretty much the definition of ‘lead you right into temptation’ if you assume that what youre being tempted to do is get in so many fistfights.
so. many. i coulda really used a sickass robot arm back in the day, because my goodness did i do a lotta punching.
anyway, sick steve went through four stages, like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, except he turned from a tiny angry man with the ability to breathe into a tiny angry man with the ability to pass out with zero warning. stage one was called ‘Im Not Sick, I Always Breathe Like This,’ and did indeed involve steve wheezing a lot. usually that was the first sign. but tiny steve had asthma, so sometimes he really did just breathe like that. at this stage, steve would insist that he was ‘fine, bucky, honestly stop glaring at my lungs. you cant even see them.’
the second stage was called ‘So Maybe I Might Be Sick But Im Still Fine Though,’ and pretty much came into play when steve stopped being able to get a whole word out without gasping in the middle. fun fact? steve’s eyebrows did not grow when he got the super serum, so if you think his angry face is bad now, just imagine allll that scowl packed into steve’s itty bitty please-punch-me starter face.
stage three was ‘If Im Dying Im Gonna Go Out The Way I Came In, Screaming And Covered In Blood’ which was the stage where steve, despite the fact that he was supposed to be in bed, would try to sneak out and go do things. this wouldnt be so bad if 1. he wasnt prone to just suddenly passing out when he was sick, or 2. had had any control at all over what came out of his mouth. that thing steve does where if youre doing something he objects to morally, he will 100% of the time come over and inform you that you should be expecting a punch in the near future? yeah. tiny steve did that too. luckily his brain-to-mouth filter was improved by the serum, or im pretty sure he’d have started fights with a lot more than 117 countries and literally every nazi ever. Anyways, he’d try and sneak out, and if he succeeded, he would almost always wind up picking a fight with somebody, because having bad luck and terrible impulse control is what steve do.
the final stage was called ‘Bucky I Promise I Wont Do Anything Stupid, Please Stop Sitting On Me,’ and it was the point at which i started ignoring everything he said until he could say a whole sentence in one breath.
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