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Maybe a little help lads

Do you know the Muffin Man?

Do you know the Muffin Man, The Muffin Man, the Muffin Man? Do you know the Muffin Man, Whose muffin top leads the way?

Once upon a time, he was the golden boy, the lean athlete who could sprint up stairs without thinking twice. Then somewhere between "I'll start the gym again next week" and "I'll just have one more burger", the legend took a rather... round turn.

Now his snug jeans have become brave little warriors, battling daily against the ever-growing muffin top that proudly spills over the waistband like bread rising out of an overfilled baking tin. Every shirt button has filed a formal complaint, and every belt notch has been forced into early retirement.

The villagers whisper: "Careful... if you hear the waistband creak, the Muffin Man is near."

He still introduces himself like he's the hottest guy in town, but these days the only thing breaking hearts is the stitching on his favorite pair of pants. His six-pack didn't disappear, it was simply buried beneath a family-sized bakery.

So yes... We all know the Muffin Man. He doesn't live on Drury Lane anymore. He lives wherever there's an all-you-can-eat buffet... and his waistband is still fighting for its life.

dennersfeedee

I guess this could be my audition to be a track boy

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flabboys

dennersfeedee

Letting it all out after a long day of work

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bigmpregnm

'Don't stare...' he says, as if his shoulders aren't wider than most doorways, his arms aren't the size of tree trunks, and his chest didn't enter the room 5 seconds before the rest of him.

bigmpregnm

'Why is everyone looking at me?' he asks, as if being 9 months pregnant with twins and carrying enough milk in his tis to stock the entire maternity ward wasn't a big deal.