Upstart

This is only the beginning.

[bumblehazard]

3775

I have not felt freedom

in many ways

just tiny pockets of joy here and there.

[bumblehazard]

3774

The girls met their sister

mom lost out

we talked for our tv time

all together apart.

[bumblehazard]

3773

It hit, burning and stinging harder and more than I could imagine

I screamed

turned toward home

spent the day in a Benadryl stupor.

[bumblehazard]

3772

I feel buzzy in my chest and solar plexus

exhausted yet low level wired

struggling to focus

with the fogged up windows

thick, cooling air.

[bumblehazard]

3771

One nighters

The perfect time for deep conversation

space

and time

[bumblehazard]

3770

I’m calm

staring at oddly angled, short walls

knowing I will MacGyver something

and I have time

but anxious to create something me

to serve others.

[bumblehazard]

3769

Listening to him purr in the couch

my stomach is lava

Neck cricked

[bumblehazard]

3768

I can do this.

I will do this.

I am doing and have done this

[bumblehazard]

3767

I’m doing it

better under pressure

a time crunch

being the only person available.

[bumblehazard]

3766

I somehow did it all

again.

[bumblehazard]

3765

Walk, antique shop, build a coat rack

Lead a very serious, very emotional conversation

Wash the dishes

garden for one hot second amidst wildfire smoke

Yoga because the anxiety is starting to take my breath away.

I need a swing and a hammock and clean air with reasonable temperatures as soon as possible.

I start four days alone tomorrow and already know I will be working with someone of immense need.

[bumblehazard]

3764

She curls up into my ribcage

I relax

[bumblehazard]

3763

Hey hey mayonnaise girl

who’s your patron saint?

[bumblehazard]

3762

A clean slate

I remind myself

shaking about, twirling.

Does it matter if they all lie

make up stories

who gets hurt?

[bumblehazard]

3761

Smoke fills the humid air

making water vapor visible

Impossible to ignore the mounting headache

stinging eyes

Feeling of being on-call but not doing anything

not doing enough

[bumblehazard]

3760

The house is submerged

hot fog accumulating on every window and exterior surface

leaving trails of water droplets as it builds up overnight.

I keep looking toward the garden

as if expecting something drawn to the water.

[bumblehazard]

3759

I’ll have to write myself a note

a pep talk

a reminder that I am capable

for every Sunday night stomach ache

Monday morning aura

Tuesday trouble