...a diary of a sheep in wolf's clothing.

Just me venting. Don't mind me.

[bunditto]

I‘m in the flow, I‘m in the flow!!! Fingers crossed 🤞🏼

[bunditto]

There is a Tintin crossover with the Magic Mountain??! Basically… I mean it’s kinda fan fiction I guess..?

I love Hans Castorp and I love Tintin… I can‘t believe it

I‘m fucking drunk too so this feels like a dream

[shrimptin]

[joljulep]

supposed to be a celebratory doodle for the potential new tintin movie but im late......oh well ¯_ (ツ)_/¯,

[bunditto]

Dude, can he stop being so stupid

I’m tired to think about him that way, but he is so dumb I swear

[bunditto]

The year of the horse has been fucking me nonstop. Give me a fucking break.

[bunditto]

I fucked up again, like basically every day

Which sucks and it hurts and it's embarrassing

I'm ashamed of myself and my stupidity

I thought it was fine but it's stupid and because of me there's now drama and while it's not directly my fault I still feel bad because I started it

I'm so sad and I'm sorry

[bunditto]

I'm very ungrateful

I should be happy but I kinda don't care

[bunditto]

So I'm officially in a relationship now and as I said, this is crazy

Edit: I broke up one day later

[bunditto]

It seems I'm about to get into a relationship and this is just crazy

Also my old group of friends are reconciling which is also crazy

[bunditto]

Exhausted. And pissed off.

[bunditto]

Okay I feel normal again, confused none the less, but stable.

We'll see each other on saturday, and I hope it will be better this time.

Tbh I don't even know what exactly I want from him. Or... well. I mean that's not true. I want openness, trust, good communication, interesting conversations and confidence. Also to be frank, I want physical closeness, I want hugs, hand holding, hair stroking, neck kisses and I want to feel his boner.

But I don't know what kind of relationship I want to have with him. That's the main issue.

It's not really a friendship but it also isn't a relationship. It's also not fwb. I really don't know what this is and what it can evolve into. I guess time will tell.

[bunditto]

Nothing makes any sense, I'm losing my sanity

I wish I could be mentally stable for once!! Every day is a challenge, it's just too much and I can't catch a break

I need help, but I can't get help!! No one can help me

Am I a lost cause?

I don't know what to do

It's all unpredictable, I don't want to live like this

When will I finally be okay? Like actually okay? Normal?

This isn't normal and I don't understand what is wrong with me

I'm analyzing every thought and feeling in order to understand myself and in order to find solutions, but I'm unable to find solutions

I understand my feelings, but they're overwhelming and destructive

I'm losing controll

Over and over again

[bunditto]

And I also suffer because he catched feelings. And I don't want to break his heart too. I really don't want to, I can't, it hurts too much

I fucking hate this!!! I wish we never met! But stupid me still wants to see him and be with him, but I fucking can't!! Why do I have to endure this torture!!

[bunditto]

I'm so sad, I'm heartbroken. My tears won't stop flowing but I need to stop.

The version I had of him was killed, it no longer exists and I guess I'm mourning him, I'm mourning the relationship and the future I thought I could get.

But of course I don't get any of this. I was excited and happy and this is what I always get for feeling hopeful. Everything is a scam, why even bother. Why even think I could get what I want and need. I was stupid and naive, as always and now I have to suffer again.

[bunditto]

God I'm so horny it's unreal

[bunditto]

Tomorrow is the day!!