The Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known

*The Bitch Is Back starts up from a record player* “Well, well, well…..“ Find me on Ao3 as BunniculasBaby

[bunniculasbaby]

My writing technique you ask? Well, it’s probably too advanced for you, but every 200 words I reward myself with a small piece of cheese and a little dance in my chair 💅🏻 😂

[bunniculasbaby]

I’ve always loved writing. As a kid I had three different stories being written in my head at any time. But I’ve never been confident enough to post any of my work. In fact, as an adult, I’ve deleted every story I’ve ever written before showing it to anyone, let alone posting it. I promised myself in January that this year I was going to change that. I just posted my first chapter on Ao3 and even if nobody ever reads it, I just want to remind myself of this moment and how proud I feel for doing something that scared me for so many years.

[bunniculasbaby]

When I get drunk, I think about Rose Tyler. She was the Bad Wolf and the Doctor’s companion, but she was also just a girl, a girl in love with a boy who couldn’t keep her, a girl who wanted to be kept more than anything in the world.

[victusinveritas]

[bunniculasbaby]

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made my special interest be a book from 1897 that’s never had a faithful adaptation.

[bunniculasbaby]

Look, I know we’re supposed to say that every adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a disappointing, rewritten, sexist mess…

Because it’s TRUE!!! Oh my beautiful Mina, what have they done to you?!?!

[americanundead]

I saw someone praise Coppala's Dracula for "drawing out and enunciating the sexuality present in the original story" and I...??? You mean the sexuality between Mina and Jonathan "ride or die" Harker, right? Jonathan "may God judge me by my deserts and punish me with more bitter suffering than even this hour if by any act or will of mine anything ever come between us" Harker? Jonathan "to one thing I have made up my mind: if we find out that Mina must be a vampire in the end then she shall not go into that unknown and terrible land alone" Harker? That sexuality, right?

[bunniculasbaby]

I finished Bram Stoker’s Dracula on Friday and today, Monday, I have a special interest, $800, and a dream.

To look like Mina Harker after her religious biscuit injury.

My plan is thus:

* Don my white nightgown because if I can’t be extra yet, I will be dramatic and comfortable

* Read Dracula again because no other books exist for me now

* Create a gothic playlist that I can read Dracula to

* Watch Dracula movies for fashion inspiration and crash out over them not being book accurate

* Spend all $800 on makeup, clothes, shoes, and jewelry, to achieve my gothic, romantic, Wilhelmina Harker dreams

* Think about how it’s not Dracula Daily season yet and weep

* Receive said items by post

* Despair over the unjust media depictions of my boys Jonathan “I love my wife” Harker and Renfield while my husband tries to fall asleep

* Dramatically drape myself around my apartment reading Dracula for a third time (now with fancy new clothes)

* In precisely one month, dye my hair black and get bangs

* Lurk around dark corners and pop out to tell my husband fun facts I have learned about Dracula

* Find recipes for paprika related dishes, make, and consume them (note: preferably by candlelight)

* Create a countdown for Dracula Daily in my phone and check it multiple times a day

* Profit????

[bunniculasbaby]

No one told me that reading Dracula would completely change my fashion standards.

If I can’t look like Wilhelmina Harker straddling the line between life and undeath, then what is the point of getting dressed at all??

[grave-gift]

new kind of guy just dropped

[bunniculasbaby]

Who is this ✨diva✨????

[bunniculasbaby]

There is nothing on this earth funnier to me than Jonathan coming back into the room after Dracula secretly and frantically did all the chores, only to find the vampire reading a book on train schedules with forced nonchalance. Nothing. On. This. Earth.

I laughed so hard tears came out.

[bunniculasbaby]

Four men standing around a coffin, the same question on all of their minds, and not one of them brave enough to ask:

“Is her corpse getting hotter?”

[bunniculasbaby]

Van Helsing: She needs a blood transfusion immediately!!

*sees one of her suitors*

Van Helsing: oh my god it’s perfect, just what we need-

Me: oh cool, a universal donor, how did he know??

Van Helsing: the blood of a brave manly macho man!!!

Me:

[bunniculasbaby]

Just lost final contact with TikTok.

Nearer My God To Thee violin

Listen to Nearer My God To Thee violin by Nahla Hazem #np on #SoundCloud

[bunniculasbaby]

Since we’re all gonna die, there’s one more secret I feel I have to share with you: I was neither shocked nor disturbed by Nosferatu. I don’t know if it was too hyped up as sexual and disturbing, but it felt more like a casual Tuesday night on Ao3. I’ve read more horrifying things written by teenagers in other countries than I experienced in this movie.

[bunniculasbaby]

Ao3 can’t go down days before Christmas.

What am I supposed to do, talk to my family???

[bunniculasbaby]

Oh dear god.

I’m going to have to write my own fanfiction.