Now with the formalities out of the way, let’s call people bad names! I have a big list, and I’ve subdivided it into two categories: general insults, and sexual insults. As with previous lists anything taken from canon material is indicated in italics. Credit to @vampyrrhicvictory for phrases indicated with an *.
Content warning! This list contains words and phrases for vulgar sexual acts as well as rape. These acts themselves are not described, but there are translations provided. Each section is clearly marked, and sexual content is in the bottom portion. Please be careful if you are sensitive to these subjects, because while it is not my intent to harm anyone, these translations are an honest attempt at capturing the violent and misandrist nature of Drow society.
So when I was making my Tav, Zyn. I came up with the name Harbinger Bard as his title but I never used it in any of my stories. So I was really inspired to write this fun story about it. I might even write a part 2 to continue it.
It's all about how he got the name. And he HATES the name.
The day was a truly wonderful day. The weather was perfect, warm and comfortable. The sun was high, and the breeze was welcoming. It was peaceful. A perfect day for everyone to have their own time off to wonder and enjoy the city. Zyn was seated at a table by the wall of the tavern, enjoying the live music on the stage. It was rather relaxing. A welcoming environment indeed. His one hand was reached over on the table beside him, gently holding onto Astarion’s. The Vampire was sitting down next to him, idly people watching. They were worlds apart but connected by a gentle touch. Moments like these seemed to come so rarely in the past few weeks.
Their peaceful respite then soon came to an end. A cheery Wyll came into the tavern with a book held tightly to his chest. He spotted the relaxing elves and happily walked over to them, taking a seat in front of them.
“Sorry if I’m interrupting. I hope you don’t mind if I join you two.”
“Not at all Wyll. Watching strangers could only be so entertaining after a while.” Mused Astarion. Zyn nodded his head in agreement.
“Marvelous! I’m just so excited right now.” Wyll exclaimed, raising the book he had with him for a moment before placing it down on the table.
“I met Volo down by the square. He finally got his next book out. I’ve been waiting for months for this.” He said, lovingly caressing the book’s cover before happily saying out the title of the book.
“The Harbinger Bard. Volume five, The Dagger Named Kindness.”
There was a sudden coughing fit from Zyn as he leaned forward. He quickly took a few quick breaths to calm his chest, clearing his throat slightly to clear his airways.
“What? Why would you... I mean, I never pegged you as someone who liked Volo’s works.” Zyn honestly looked rather thrown off and obviously failing at looking calm.
“He’s such a foolhardy man. He makes up words when he can’t rhyme. I can hardly see his books as any better. He likes to make things up.” An awkward chuckle left Zyn as he waved his hand a bit to emphasize how preposterous the silly Bard was. Astarion on the other hand looked rather curious and reached over to the book. As if he was a bit suspicious about the contents of the pages. Wyll allowed him to take a look.
“Yes, he can be rather eccentric, but he’s a really good writer. The Harbinger Bard series is anything but fiction though. It’s about a real Bard that has been roaming around all across Faerûn. Helping villages and towns by cutting down every Bandit, Goblin and ne'er-do-well that he comes across. But no one knows who he is. They say he always goes around in different disguises so that no one can find him. Volo’s stories are based on witness accounts and investigating sites where he had fought.” Wyll looked starstruck as he talked about this heroic vigilante.
“Of course, our chivalrous Wyll would be so passionate about a wondering defender of the people.” Astarion didn’t look up from the book as he flipped through the pages.
Zyn reached over with a pleading look, trying to move the book away from Astarion’s eyes.
“Astarion. Put that silly book down, ple-”
He was then cut off when Astarion froze for a moment when he found something in the pages. His shoulders started to shake before he erupted in laughter. He tried to calm down and even did a mock ‘Ahem’ before he started to read what he found. Placing his hand on his chest as he played into the theatrics.
“The imposing Bard stood over the cowering knave. His brow was occulted shadow, black hair framed his pate. His eyes were as crimson as the Hells. He pulled out his bodkin, a sharp blade with an inscription towards the side that truly quoth 'kindness'”
Astarion barely made it through his performance without laughing. Zyn gave Astarion a pleading look not to say more.
Wyll seemed to be more amused at how Astarion seemed to like the book.
“Well, if you want. I can get you the first book to start you off. You really seem interested in the man.”
A puckish smirk crossed his face.
“Oh, I’m already am.” He said playfully, reaching out to take Zyn’s hand. Zyn gritted his teeth, whispering out a harsh ‘Don’t...’.
“I.. Don’t quite follow.”
Astarion literally looked like the cat that ate the canary. Without warning he pulled out a dagger and placed it down in front of Wyll. Only it wasn’t his. It was Zyn’s. And engraved on the side was ‘Kindness’.
Wyll stared at it with wide eyes.
“Goddammit Astarion!”
“Wait... does this mean...” Wyll paused as he thought back to everything he knew about Zyn. A wonderer, looking for himself. Held no mercy for the wicked. Used both his skills as both a Bard and an Assassin to dispatch the enemy and support the group.
“Oh... my gods...” Wyll stared up at Zyn, who looked none too pleased and quite aggravated at the very amused Vampire. His expression brightened as a wide smile formed on his lips.
“You’re him! You’re really him! You’re the Harbinger Bard!”
Zyn grimaced as he leaned over, trying to shush Wyll.
“Don’t say that stupid name out loud!” He hissed, quickly glancing around to make sure that no one heard. Wyll was unfazed at how unpleased Zyn was. He was just so excited that he was face to face with one of his idols.
“Fine...” Zyn grumbled out. “I’m that guy in those stupid books Volo wrote. Though, he was clearly overzealous with his ‘creativity’.” He said gingerly.
“I’m not some hero on some stupid quest, nor am I the “Harbinger Bard” “He said as he used air quotes. “Gods I hate that name.” He muttered.
“These books are just over hyped ramblings of a stupid Bard about my encounters.”
“I don’t know darling. It’s quite the page turner.” Astarion chimed as he read a little more. “Especially now that we know the ‘mysterious’ identity of the famed Harbinger Bard.”
Zyn glowered at Astarion with a tight-lipped frown.
“Oooh, we should have a book club of the series!”
“Oh my god, yes! I’ll bring my copies!”
“How about not!”
Wyll just laughed. It was obvious that today was amazing for him.
“But I just must ask. Why have ‘Kindness’ etched on your dagger?”
Both Astarion and Zyn stared at Wyll and in unison said:
it's funny that we were all so worried about viktor's villain arc and then jayce was like L + ratio + here's my unconditional love and forgiveness + i always thought your imperfections were beautiful + nothing about you is broken to me + in every universe i will find you and save you from your loneliness + none of this is worth it if you arent by my side. and viktor folded IMMEDIATELY
