Another year I've lost the Christmas spirit. Right now I should be curled up in a warm blanket, watching a Christmas movie with classic Christmas music in the background, the room decorated with a pine tree and flashing lights. Enjoy a warm and peaceful Christmas evening even if you're alone, and I like being alone.
But I'm sitting here wondering about myself and thinking about another person, but I'm not sure that I'm important to that person. I don't know if I have feelings for that person or just because I want that person's attention, sharing, worry, and care. I also feel like I can't bring happiness to that person because I'm the unhappy one. It's funny that sometimes I think that person is still in a relationship with me just because of sexual needs, but has no feelings for me at all or maybe only very little. We haven't even entered an officially relationship yet, but we already have too many worries, too many thoughts, and little fun time together. Can we be together for a long time? ?
Should I continue or stop?
If I stops, will that person feel sad and hurt? And do I have the courage to stop? I have never been the first to leave in any relationship. Why am I always so weak? That's who I am, should I try to change it? Can I do it? Feeling really bad right now. What's worse is that it was the day before Christmas. Will I have a Merry Christmas tomorrow? I kept hoping it would be like that but my spirit was gone.
Don't let your emotions depend too much on another person. I always told myself that, but time and time again I was always dependent. What can I do to feel better now, when I can't sleep? While perhaps that person is already sleeping.
Dec 23rd, 2024