occasionally subtle
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@burgmiceli
The Grande Finale
Yesterday morning started just like any morning.
I got up, brushed my teeth, took a shower, and then tweaked the eulogy for my mother.
While I was going through the final draft, I paused to watch the final 10 minutes of the Cassini mission. Aaron and I watched as the NASA mission team in JPL (The Jet Propulsion Lab in CA) went through all the final steps for closing a 20 year mission. A junior…
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The Final Days
In some ways, I like to receive bad news in writing. It is a different burden to the messenger, but also allows the recipient to ingest the information in their own time, privately. And so it was with my aunt’s recent email.
As my mother’s medical power of attorney, my aunt gets the calls with updates on my mother, and then she passes it on to me. This last email came in with the familiar heading…
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3 Years of blogging about dementia
3 Years of blogging about dementia
I received an email today from Tumblr congratulating me on 3 years of this blog.
That kind of celebration is right up there with the memories Facebook shows me of times I spent with my mother 3+ years ago and pictures of our cat, Katie, who died in November. Believe me, Tumblr and Facebook, I don’t need your reminders of these things. I think of my mother and Katie every. single. day.
But, the…
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Surcraptical
Leading up to Mother’s Day this year, my heart and mind have been more at peace. That’s a rather calm way to start this post. I know this will likely be the last Mother’s Day I spend with my mom, and that’s really hard to say and admit, but I have finally accepted what life has handed us. That doesn’t mean I have to LIKE it, but I have stopped fighting with it.
Many times, since grade school,…
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On my birthday
Something about my mom enters my mind daily. How she used to keep the house so clean but how I can’t seem to find the kind of daily rhythm she had to take care of things in my own house. How she used to constantly be doing something productive and I feel like a lazy bum compared to her. How her doodles on the place-mat at a restaurant were things I’d consider framing if they came from mybroken…
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Amazing, but not surprising
Amazing, but not surprising
My mom continues to amaze me, but these days my amazement is rather bitter sweet.
About a year ago, my mom’s floor gained a new resident; a woman around my mother’s age and suffering from the same aphasia. Her decline, based on what I witnessed, was quick. She came to mom’s floor being able to have fairly reasonable conversations, however she mostly just giggled and laughed a lot. She and mom…
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Everything Happens for a Reason
Everything Happens for a Reason
When I say, “Everything happens for a reason”, what is your first response?
I first ran into this saying during or after college when I read ‘The Celestine Prophecy”. That book, for me, was inspiring and life changing, and, to be honest, I should probably re-read it because I don’t remember many of the details. What I do remember is having my mind blown at the implications of how deeply we are…
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If you're going to eat one, you might as well eat two.
If you’re going to eat one, you might as well eat two.
I don’t know if there’s anything that could possible prepare one for the new and interesting things that occur when a parent has dementia. And maybe my experiences are different because this is primary progressive aphasia, I honestly don’t know.
When I first started this blog, my mom could still communicate to a certain extent. And, to be fair, she still can, but to a much lesser extent. Prior to…
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I tried to not bring Star Wars into this....Happy Mother's Day
I tried to not bring Star Wars into this….Happy Mother’s Day
My last Mother’s Day post was only 5 posts ago. So, I’m averaging 6 posts a year, it seems. Not really what I had hoped to do, but I’ve got to be honest, there’s not really much to write about. Or, maybe all of this is just becoming the norm. I’m sure that’s probably what it really is. And, in my mind, why would anyone be interested in the regular stuff that goes on day to day?
I re-read a little…
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Protecting the memory of her
Protecting the memory of her
Memories are such amazing things. Such important things. Having a memory. Creating a memory. Recalling a memory. And all the feelings associated with those memories.
We keep mementos in the hopes of sparking a memory when this thing is seen or held or smelled. But, it’s not always the thing itself that is so prized, but that little movie that plays in your head of the moment, the event, the…
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Mom's Birthday!
Mom’s Birthday!
For the past few months, there really hasn’t been anything to report, and I didn’t want to write a blog post just to let everyone know she had said something clever or funny. Here’s a quick status update before the birthday story.
The most significant thing that has happened was the need to remove the dresser and armoire from her room because she was starting to disassemble them and/or use them…
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My Mother's Smile
My Mother’s Smile
The appointment with my mother’s primary care doctor yesterday was an interesting trip all around. Although it was a simple back and forth visit (I picked her up, we went to the doctor, I dropped her back off), it was enlightening, entertaining and actually rather pleasant.
After a few years of having taken over the duty of taking mom to her appointments, I finally learned to give myself enough…
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Polar Bears and Gorillas
Polar Bears and Gorillas
I am ashamed to say that I have only been visiting my mother once every two weeks. There is no excuse as I haven’t been out of town other than a vacation in June. I’m truly not “too busy” as I don’t even think that would be a good excuse. She’s family, she’s my mom. I can always make time. But, it’s tough to see her. Even saying that is bullshit. It doesn’t matter how tough it is. It’s just…
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The Field Trip
In one of my past posts I think I mentioned that the nursing staff at mom’s facility has kept her from going on outings recently because she really needs more attention than the others. They have said she has a tendency to get a bit argumentative and combative when she doesn’t get what she wants. Since I can’t stand the thought of her being cooped up in that place while others are out having fun,…
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Happy Mother's Day, However it Goes Down!
Happy Mother’s Day, However it Goes Down!
About a month ago, mom and I had a visit with her neurologist. A 6 month visit to see how meds were doing and to see where she was on the timeline of decline.
One thing I can say about her stage of decline is that because she doesn’t understand that I’m taking her to a doctor’s appointment, she doesn’t get upset and concerned. That is a plus for us both.
As usual, I called ahead to let her nurses…
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If only I had known the way they actually did it, I would have tried to take a picture.
If only I had known the way they actually did it, I would have tried to take a picture.
Today, Aaron and I went to visit my mother and take her for a walk. I don’t mean to make it sound like I’m taking my dog for a walk, but there really is a bit of dragging and guiding, so it’s sort of similar. No leash, of course, but a strong elbow to elbow lock, or sometimes an arm over her shoulder. Now that she’s about 3 inches shorter than she used to be, resting my arm across her shoulders…
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I Finally Saw "Still Alice"
I Finally Saw “Still Alice”
I had wanted to read the book “Still Alice” before watching the movie, but an opportunity presented itself that I just couldn’t pass up. A local movie theatre had a 7 pm showing yesterday followed by a discussion hosted by the Columbus chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. One of the speakers was Dr. Douglas Scharre, the Director of the department of Cognitive Neurology at The Ohio State…
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