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My tags are broken on my own blog so I have to use this to find things.

#dnd #dnd character ideas #dnd character idea

The book I’m reading has more sex scenes than the books I’ve been reading and I can tell my tolerance for them has lowered a bit cause I’ve been on a good streak of romance books with minimal to no sexual content.

And like I feel bad mostly skimming them cause I do think it’s important and it’s storytelling and I don’t want to reduce it to “just a sex scene”. Like this book is written with intention and I am probably missing out by not reading them.

But also I’m still enjoying the story just fine thank you very much.

And I think of it this way, when it comes to food I never pick out things because I like basically all foods. So I’m allowed to be picky with my books because I’m not picky with food. These are two totally applicable situations.

I’m disappointed I didn’t get any pride bookings again this year but also reframing it, I’ve had plenty of pride bookings elsewhere and I’ve been consistently booked in the non pride months. Also I’m literally making a costume for someone to wear for their pride bookings.

So it all goes around and comes back.

See I’m all for body neutrality and positivity but also sometimes it’s called dysphoria and yes it’s irrational but I’m not exactly just gonna rock it and when the primary advice is to rock it. Damn. Oh well.

So like I really like La La land but almost all the books I’ve been reading and enjoying have queer main characters. So I was wondering why I like La La land so much when I do have an aversion to straight romance. Cause like I’ll literally see a book and go like omg sounds amazing oh it’s straight nevermind. Like I’m that picky.

But I think it’s because they don’t end up together. Because for me, boy meets girl? Yeah great. Good for them. That’s been expected for all of humanity. We literally call things compulsory heterosexuality. But they fall in love but break up?? Now that’s something. Cause even though that happens everyday since the beginning of history and humanity, in media, so often the boy gets the girl and it’s a reward and it’s sexist or the girl gets the boy and he solves all her problems and it’s sexist or maybe it’s woke and the girl and the boy mutually pick each other and then I’m just like cool a healthy straight relationship.

I dunno I’m biased as a queer but I just think queer love is more interesting. Because queer people love each other in spite of a lot of things but also that love is love and by queering the act of love, it deepens the reality of what love can be.

And in a sense while La La land is by no means queer, by having them end up apart right after a scene where Mia says to Seb that she’ll always love him subverts what we think love is. It expands the idea of love beyond just the heteronormative idea of husband wife and two and a half children, Mia will always love Sebastian. Period. End of statement. But they won’t be together. Their time together at least as a couple is over.

The long and short of it is I like reading queer romance. And if it’s straight, they better end up broken up or divorced. Cause like another book that I loved without queer romance is the Wedding people where the main character is divorced from her husband and doesn’t take him back. And while it’s pretty clear she’ll end up with another guy, it’s not in the ending. The happy ending doesn’t involve him.

So straight romances. Have the guts to have them not be together.

Just saw a post talking about seemily harmlessly jokes that perpetuate bigotry and I hate that I fully agree while also fully being complicit.

Two things can be true at once, it is in fact that deep but also I do think more often than not actions speak louder than words and there are ways to subvert the joke.

For example the “I’m just a girl” joke, can be casually misogynistic. Especially when it’s in the context of being bad at something and then going “I’m just a girl”. However I do think it is in fact funny when you do something outrageous or ridiculous and go I’m literally just a girl.

Like I’m literally just a girl superimposed on an image of like a dragon with a bow photoshopped on. I think that’s funny.

Now I can unpack that and talk about how I find that funny due to how bows and dragons are gendered and I do agree that bows and dragons being gendered is fundamentally kinda silly since anyone can like bows and dragons. But also I do think we can subvert the social constructs we currently live in as a form of rejection as the bow on the dragon is funny for reasons of juxtaposition which points to how bows and dragons are gendered because there is juxtaposition due to the gendering of them.

I think the use of I’m just a girl jokes work best when it’s pointing out the ridiculousness of misogyny. Like I’ve seen people use the I’m just a girl joke in reference to doing incredibly difficult sewing techniques and it’s poking fun at how sewing is just as complicated as any skill but is seen as lesser just because it’s gendered as women’s work. However I do also think that a joke doesn’t just exist as a person saying it. The audience is also involved. And a primed audience can affect the context of a joke.

Like I’m way more willing to make jokes about gays being camp and dramatic or whatever when I’m amongst other queers but those jokes wouldn’t fly in a non queer audience as the satire could be mistaken as an invitation to make stereotype jokes.

And especially as a drag performer, we do make very risqué jokes but in my scene at least, most of us are very woke. Something something jesters privilege.

Anyways I have made just a girl jokes in drag before I have been complicit in misogyny but I believe in restorative justice, I’m listening. I’m learning. Im just a girllllllll.

In a Lake by Mitski perfectly encapsulates my feelings about this whole small town thing I’m thinking of rn

Cause in the big city you can start over.

I’d never live in a small town, I’ve made too many mistakes.

Where you never get away from your first love, it’s like one brand of soap in town, anyone you can get close to smells like your first time around

The concept of wanting to live in a small town for a variety of reasons but still singing about it in a yearning sense.

The solution is obvious the lake and begin backstroking forever duh.

I think one of the reasons I’m so interested in small towns in fictions is a remnant of why I was interested in studying geography and urban design.

The relationship of rural, suburban and urban.

How they shape the people that live there especially.

It probably comes off as a bit condescending but I love learning about what life is like for my friends living in more remote areas.

It’s also interesting considering how often the small towns I’ve visited are more than not tourist destinations now. They once existed for an industry and either the industry is still there and tourism now supplements as maybe the industry isn’t as strong as it once was or it exists as an area for people to retire/escape the big city and hosts artists and artisans.

Obviously I’ve visited those places as a tourist and I wouldn’t have been there if I wasn’t one but I have also pass through small towns that once had an industry, had that shut down or be way less profitable but the town kinda remains as there’s infrastructure there and there’s probably some pull factors to living there like low costs of homes. But also most people are probably leaving leading to things like brain drain or like youth flight where the big cities just have more pull factors and take people that could’ve spent time working in that town leaving and thus leaving the town with an aging population.

The rural urban divide is so interesting because it’s so easy for both sides to resent the other.

Due to our capitalist hellscape, rural areas often exist to extract resources to funnel towards urban areas. This can lead to resentment towards city folk as it feels like they take way more than they give back. Which someone is taking more than they give back and it’s definitely corporations and billionaires.

However on the urban side, I believe cities go beyond the mere idea of capital. Obviously cities have existed before capitalism. And there’s a lot of pull factors that a higher population density brings. Often times a lot of people leave rural areas for opportunity as their skills might be more useful in a different place. But also cities are often places of diversity and acceptance. Or at the very least moreso than a rural town or at the bare minimum, there are just more people to not stand out as much. So that creates a resentment towards rural areas as they become seen as places of conservatism. Because yes, bigger populations leads to more diversity which leads to more interactions with other people which makes the other not the other and instead a neighbour.

I do think bridging the rural and urban divide is important as it requires the dismantling of systems that harm all of us. Rural towns shouldn’t just exist for resource extraction and maybe tourism. And cities should just be hubs of commerce. They both should serve the people that live there and have some sense of self sustainability or a more reciprocal relationship.

Because it’s not great when I see city folk act high and mighty or rural people call people with progressive ideas city slickers. At the end of the day we’re not being treated properly by the built environments we should have a say in.

I’ve been very into reading stories about small towns. I think I’m just sorta interested in the whole concept of small towns which is common given the amount of hallmark films take place in small towns.

That’s good news for me though since I wanna work on hallmark movies.

I think the town I live in has a small town feel, but it’s ain’t small. And the proximity to the city makes it quite unique I feel.

There’s a town nearby that has a similar progression as the one I live in, it was a small fishing town at one point and then it became a suburb.

However this nearby town has a larger and more interesting town core and has remained a location for tourist and fisheries. The town I’m in has a couple fishing boats pass through, but it’s not touristy. And it sorta has an unclear identity. It started as a fishing town, then became a farming town, and now it’s suburbs. However despite its identity confusion, it has a smaller town feel than this other place because we get less tourists.

But it feels disingenuous to say I’m from a small town. Like there’s this temptation to be like a small town girl with big city dreams but the reality is I’m a town girl with big city dreams. And the big city is a thirty minute drive from my regular sized town.

So I do think it’s quite interesting and it’s why I’ve come to really appreciate and love my town. There’s a little bit of “everyone knows everyone” but not so much that it feels suffocating. The local places have a decent amount of charm but not enough tbh. And we’re close enough to the city to have spaces be a bit too satanized and commercialized. All the good restaurants are new and all the older restaurants that have been here forever are all like really bad. Like I have had friends work there and say don’t eat there. Which sucks because there was this one restaurant, right by the water, has kitschy nautical theming and it used to be SO GOOD. Like fish and chips, oyster burgers, steamed mussels and clams. But then they took the good things off the menu and what was left was overcooked and overpriced. I remember being a kid and our family went there, had a sub par meal and the bill came and it was like downtown restaurant prices for horrible quality food.

The current best restaurants in my town are newer. And I love them. It’s nice having good restaurants down the road but I crave some sort of institution. Something that’s been in the town forever. But we don’t have that. The museum was turned into a police hall, the cannery was torn down, the Chinatown burnt down decades ago, a lot of restaurants here are chain restaurants, or things that have been open a long time have changed owners so many times and have renovated away everything that made it charming.

Like I’m fine with new I’m fine with change, but can’t we do new without making it this millennial greigh. Like one of the few historic buildings was painted white recently. And it’s ugly now.

Renovation happen and it’s just soulless cheap wood veneer that you see everywhere. Theres no sense of identity. Like the comic book store changed hands and now it went from cozy to sterile. White walls. Echoey. Wood veneer floor. No one playing games at tables anymore.

I do love my town. We have an amazing market in the summer. The river we’re by is beautiful, we’re close to the big city but still retain a sort of separate feel.

I do think small towns away from cities are more unique and have more identity purely because people probably work in town as well. The town I’m in I bet most people commute elsewhere for work. Which is fine, but it creates a different vibe.

Anyways I’m both happy I don’t live in a small town cause Mitski is right. I’d never live in a small town I’ve made too many mistakes

Ok I’m treading into grounds I’m not well versed in my I ran into a video talking about abortion and Down syndrome and I’m like, yeah, I do think it’s unethical to abort a child because it has Down syndrome, but also I understand why someone might want to because we live in an ableist world.

I am pro choice so ultimately it’s not up to me it’s not my body. However I think this question does have a solution.

Accessibility!! Yes disabilities can be disabling but if we lived in an accessible world, a parent who might otherwise not be able to provide proper care would be given resources and support thus negating the choice and question entirely. Because in an accessible world, being disabled won’t be some bad thing. It simply will just be. And thus people who think a disability is proof of an unhappy life won’t have that ableist idea in their head and thus we don’t have to ask this question and have these debates.

I hate how this question is framed because I know it’s trying to pit accessibility activists against pro choice activists and I’m not having it!!

There’s this person online that’s probably objectively a good person. They make kind hearted colourful call in posts that respond to a problem rather than getting upset at any individual.

I really appreciate their existence but oh my gosh do I get mildly annoyed when they pop up on my timeline lolololololol

Like I’m pretty sure our politics align basically perfectly. My one difference is that I don’t wear a mask as often as I should but I agree with their desire to have more people wearing masks.

A quick aside, masks is like a vegetarian/vegan diet to me. Objectively I know it’s better for the environment/less cruel to animals and yet I still eat meat. However I do try to reduce my meat consumption just as I try to wear a mask more. It’s not all or nothing and I’ll do my imperfect masking rather than not.

Anyways, so I just be nodding my head to everything they say and in a sense I do. I do agree that we use ableist language to describe people we don’t like and it can be hurtful for our disabled friends and family to see people making fun of others for using diapers or other healthcare related things deemed “embarrassing”. And I do agree, there are plenty of other ways to insult and make fun and have a cathartic crash out against some evil politician who will never read the insult as to not continue to perpetuate certain mindsets.

But also, I dunno. It’s fun to say the mean thing. Which is funny cause I haven’t made fun of politicians using fat phobia and ableism rhetoric because I do agree with this person lol but I guess it’s one of those situations where I’m a bit self centered because I forgot not everyone knows stuff like that.

Cause like a flaw I have is I feel comfortable saying offensive jokes because I’m secure in my knowing of I don’t actually think that and I often say the offensive thing as a form of subversion and satire.

Like I will say faggot. But I mean I do try to make sure the joke doesn’t punch down. Like I’ll say a racist joke but make the joke about the absurdity about racism and not haha racist joke. For example one of my fav jokes is to say something stereotypical about Asians like how Asians are good at math and then I’ll say, it’s ok I can say that, I have an Asian friend, and the joke is that I’m Asian.

Anyways this is slightly related but I’ve seen people claim that insults like dumb and stupid are ableist and I agree in the sense that those words have been used to harm neurodivergent people but beyond the historical usage of the world in the ableist medical context, I don’t have much of an issue with them in the day to day because when I think of dumb and stupid as an insult, I’m not trying to imply that they’re neurodivergent like the r slur offensively does.

And it’s because I don’t think neurodivergent people are stupid, I think there are many forms of intelligence and people think in different ways.

When I use the word stupid or dumb, it can probably be substituted for the word ignorant sure. As it more so is pointing out a lack of knowledge that someone probably should know.

Like a politician can be stupid because they continue to spend money on pipelines rather than developing methods on how to transfer away from fossil fuel dependency.

And the use of the word stupid could totally be replaced with ignorant because I’m calling them stupid for ignoring the need to take climate change seriously.

But also if I were to stop a conversation and be like “hey stupid is ableist language” at someone who was protesting, I dunno. Time and place.

So that’s why as annoyed I am when this person pops up on my feed, they’re doing the right thing. Calling out a behaviour online and not directly calling someone out. Making an observation. It’s honestly on me for getting so defensive, like this person is just in their colourful home which I’m envious of and making calm yet firm declarations for a better world.

In fact if more people thought like them the world would be a better place.

But also, it can be a liiiiiitle boring to not be camp, dirty and inappropriate sometimes. But I believe there’s a way to be woke and vulgar. And I find their videos a bit too neat and orderly, I want faggots and trannies who are a bit problematic but I love them anyways.

I HAD TOO MUCH CAFFINE AND NOW I FEEL WEIRD :(

I’ve been on a good streak too of having tea and then not feeling like weird.

I think it’s cause I had my tea at 1pm instead of my usually 3pm.

Like when I have too much caffeine early in the day I think I notice it affecting me more cause I’m trying to do stuff still whereas if I have my tea break at 3pm I usually only need to work a bit longer until dinner and then by the time dinners over, it’s left my system and I can feel normal again.

I just like the taste of tea I don’t even want the caffeine I need to get more decaf.

Ok yall I get it’s a joke to go haha humans are fucked we’re the problem but uh some of yall are sounding like ecofascists. Like I know yall are joking but some people do legitimately think humans are the core problem. And like yeah objectively climate changes is caused by humans but it’s because of a multitude of factors and no every human has the same carbon footprint and also the concept of a carbon foot print keeps us fighting each other rather than the capitalist and colonial system that demands infinite growth from finite resources.

The earth is a closed system. We have the water that we do from probably like asteroids that slammed into this rock billions of years ago.

Humans aren’t the inherent problem, it’s our systems that act as if there are theoretically infinite resources to create infinite money.

Like humans are animals too. And animals that don’t respect the balance of nature get punished as well. Too many sea urchins eat all the kelp and they starve to death.

Humans aren’t the core problem. It’s simply the reality of living on earth. If you take too much, things get out of balance.

I really like All Saints Street and one thing that I think is interesting but I don’t think I fully like but I understand why it exists is Nick and Lynn.

Like I do see the romantic interest and I should feel happy that nick is technically presented as genderfluid as a genderfluid person myself, HOWEVER…. I know Nick is only presented that way probably to get around having a same sex couple depicted on screen.

So weirdly, even though I as a genderfluid person would like representation, (putting aside that the species able to shift gender in their series are literal demons lol) I personally don’t headcannon Nick as genderfluid because I want them to be gay lol

I think I’m at a point of no nuance for shit like pipelines and ai data centers. Like what. The pipeline built through stolen land that continues our reliance on fossil fuels??

I don’t care if it makes jobs. I don’t care if it makes money. Like I’m sorry give me a reason why a pipeline should exist other than money and jobs.

Like yeah I get the country I live in is essentially a fucking resource extraction company. A colonial entity whose primary function is to take resources from the land and sell it overseas.

But frankly I think we gotta do something else other than build pipelines to make more money. Because the money isn’t gonna be felt by me. Sure people in the fossil fuel industry might be happy cause they can have a job but I also think those people wouldn’t build pipelines if they didn’t need to work to live.

I wanna write a heated rivalry au where Shane is asexual but I actually think that isn’t a good idea.

Because A: I think there’s something incredibly important with having an Asian gay man be sexually active. Because the stereotypes of Asians is that we are asexual because of horrible propaganda used to dehumanize Asians in USA and Canada.

Shane pushes against Asian stereotypes.

That isn’t to say that asexual Asians aren’t worthy of representation because of the stereotype intertwining Asianness and asexuality in a way, I just think that Shane is doing his best as a fictional character to push against stereotypes and it just feels odd for me personally to take that away from his character in a shitty au fanfiction.

I think that there are better places to look or even project an asexual lens on something rather than hockey smut books.

Sexuality is so integral to their story and while I would love asexual Shane, reading Shane with an asexual lens feels too much like stereotyping. Even if it isn’t, I just feel like it flattens his character a bit. Which sucks cause I’m ace.

I dunno maybe there’s room for greysexual Shane Hollander lololol

Like as he gets older and more secure in his relationship with Ilya he realizes he wants sex less and romance more. That now they don’t need to hide and have secret sex that he’s content just loving Ilya.

Honestly I think I’m adopting that as my headcannon lol. Greysexual Shane Hollander.

All the fjcs I read where Shane is the kinkiest still works kinda lololol. He just craves sexual intimacy rarely and when he does he likes to experiment :)

But I do think there is something interesting to write about that’s not explicitly about Shane and Ilya being greysexual. Because I think there is something so be said that they would begin to value the ability to have a more romantic relationship because there’s no need to rush and squeeze in sex in a few hours windows. They can just sit next to each other and enjoy each others company.

Like yes the cottage had them fucking a lot for a little asexual for me to go “good for them” and kinda just like not pay attention to the sex part and focus on what the sex scene is showing us about the characters.

But also the cottage had quiet moments of them together and those are my favourites. The two of them sitting on a couch. Talking to each other.

I wanna write more heated rivalry fanfiction but I have no ideas. I guess all I can write about rn is regurgitating what I learned in social justice school but like yknow. Worse.

But like not worse in a bad way. Worse in a, I have not actively studied it very much and thus it’s not very academically rigorous and my wokeness is very vibes based where I spout off names of scholars I remember every so often to sound semi legitimate.

Loretta Ross.

Kimberly Crenshaw.

The Combahee River Collective

Robin Wall Kimmerer

Grace Lee Boggs

bell hooks (look I even know to not capitalize bell hooks! That means I most really know my shit right?? Right??? She says as all this does is basically surface level performance lololol)

Like academia is supposed to inspire further individual study. And I was too lazy. I took the path of least resistance through post secondary school. I do think even my lazy education in all this woke stuff was super important as I feel like I have an educated and kinder worldview that has served me well.

Cause like instead of wishing I was dead on the floor I’m like, I must live and be joyful because if I die, they fucking win and I can’t have that. I’ll live my imperfect life because life is a gift and I can acknowledge the duplicities of living in this capitalist colonialist wasteland. And I’ll strive to do my best to be kind and care for myself and others. To hold myself accountable but also not be cruel to myself and others when I inventively make mistakes.

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