[burntblueberry]

been watching a lot of 90 day fiancé lately ngl it’s a comfort show of mine

[burntblueberry]

the level of rage that activates in my brain when someone is home and i am making food (which is happening more often lately) is actually criminal like it should be harnessed in some way bc wow

[burntblueberry]

i can’t believe how warm it is outside this morning wow

[burntblueberry]

the only reason i form any kind of hope is when i get so distracted i temporarily forget about my core problems but as soon as i remember the dread just comes flooding back in

[burntblueberry]

having no sense of desire and no want for a relationship really makes life kinda meaningless for me as someone who always searched for family elsewhere growing up

[burntblueberry]

every week the night before i go back to work after my days off i just feel like damn i would really benefit from some time away from work

[burntblueberry]

got my steps in early before being locked in my room all day bc of the heat wave

[burntblueberry]

trying to remind myself (on my day off) i am in no rush and can take my time but my brain is still telling me im running behind

[burntblueberry]

did 20 min stairs and 60 min incline walking

[burntblueberry]

six months sober today

[burntblueberry]

i have no future and no life i am living solely out of the fear of failure (suicide)

[burntblueberry]

i’ve just been taking it

[burntblueberry]

falling asleep in a sweatshirt and pants even tho i’m warm but don’t have the energy to change into shorts and can’t wear t shirts to sleep bc my family may come in and see my arms

[burntblueberry]

everything that possibly could have gone against my favor within the past 48 hours has and i’m just so fucking done trying

[burntblueberry]

i’m actually so full of rage it’s like not even funny

[burntblueberry]

i did register for classes that start this monday so should be interesting to see how i manage that (only taking one to start) i literally am so close to the end of my degree too like the only thing stopping me is me

[burntblueberry]

to the two children who are clearly sneaking out and smoking weed wandering the streets and just ran away from me…. no i am not a creep nor a mandated reporter im just an bitch getting her steps in at 3am