He watches and he waits for some kind of response, he wants something from Saix. He needs something. Why couldn’t he understand that? Why didn’t he realize how much he was actually hurting Axel, hurting Lea?
Maybe they weren’t those two dumb kids anymore, maybe they had no chance of ever reliving the days that they had before, of being carefree and normal. But even if that’s the case, Axel doesn’t fucking care. He stills, at the very least, wants Saix.
That’s what the redhead demands once Saix continues on, in silence seemingly forevermore. Why won’t he just say something? It can’t be that hard to speak, when there’s still so much left unsaid, left in the back of their minds to sit and fester because of their current circumstances. Or maybe it just doesn’t exist anymore. Maybe it just doesn’t matter.
“Saix, if I don’t matter to you anymore… if I’m not important to you anymore…”
If Saix were to look over, or focus any attention on Axel’s hands, he would see just how hard they were shaking. Even at his greatest attempts, Axel continues to feel; he continues to hurt. God, what he would give right now to be what the Nobodies are supposed to be – empty shells of no emotion, no feeling.
He breathes in deeply and, continuing in his position of leaning over the bluenet, shakes his head ever so slightly. “… please tell me. Please tell me if this is in vain. I’ve tried. I’ve pushed. I’ve let go. I have been through this, I have done this before — ”
He stops himself from bringing up Lea’s family, which is a term used to describe that mess of people who hated each other very, very loosely.
The bluenet grinds his teeth until they threaten to chip from the pressure. He clamps his eyes shut for a moment, trying to clear these raging thoughts and the image of Axel’s shaking. Yet it seemed nearly impossible to do. He wants so badly to tell Axel to shut up-- to shut his mouth somehow. Yet, the redhead continued to speak those piercing words that somehow stabbed through the armor that he had once thought to be strong enough to withstand anything. But apparently this time he had been wrong.
He opens his eyes once more, focusing on Axel. “If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be standing here in front of me now, you fool! Are you really so blind to our current circumstances?! I was trying to protect you!” Saix hisses, glaring up at the taller Nobody. But was that really Saix talking? Or was that someone else?
His jaw relaxes but he grips the fabric of his coat to keep some form stability; something besides whatever this is. However when he speaks again, his voice had returned to its neutral and cold tone. “Are you satisfied with your answer?” He sighs, making a brief hand gesture and growling softly. This was too much... way too much.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he folds one leg over the other, he huffs and shakes his head. “I’ve given you what you so desired and spoken with you. Is there anything else you’d like to know, Lea?” Those last words dripped with venom as he continues to watch Axel, another silence claiming him. Even if his once calm mind rages with tormenting thoughts, nagging at him-- he keeps a straight face.
What else could he possibly do? His free will had been taken from long ago along with many other things. And it left a shattered surface of what used to be...
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