Dynamics between the Okumura brothers and why sh*t blew up in Ch.126
Rin is haunted by his heritage, of the face the lurks inside him, and of the imminent threat of Satan. He’s still afraid of being a monster and hurting people. But growing up, Shiro taught him to cook so Rin could learn to channel his complicated emotions into taking care of people he loved. He started cooking for Yukio. To him as a kid, Yukio accepting him and being his brother was EVERYTHING. Think about it, if only Rin had been born, how differently would he have ended up??
So Rin did everything in his power to make Yukio happy, protecting him, climbing a pole to get his lost hat (anime canon to my knowledge), hiding a dog together and comforting him when they had to send it away (also anime canon), etc. Early on, Rin did kind of live for Yukio.
But Yukio hated being weak and always depending on his brother. It made him feel bad about himself. He saw demons, and the way Father Fujimoto thought best was to teach him about being an exorcist. Not only did Yukio grow up with high expectations for a child, but in a way he RELISHED it. It made him feel more powerful, more capable, and HE COULD ALSO PROTECT RIN NOW. But I bet over time he didn’t realize what he was getting into, and the weight of now potentially protecting the world was in his hands. He feels like he has to sacrifice himself in order to fulfill his duty as an exorcist, as a son, and as a brother. Yukio has potentially tied his entire self worth on protecting and saving the world, most of all his brother. (I also lowkey think he was envious of Rin being sheltered to an extent while he didn’t get to be a kid early, Shiro trended to be harsher/colder towards him yet tolerated Rin slacking off)
This creates a split between them seen early in the series. Yukio no longer depends on Rin, and in fact seems to be thriving without him, on his way to being a doctor and getting accepted to a prestigious academy. Rin is considered a thug, starting street fights and can barely hold down a job. He barely passed junior high. Rin is lost because he is losing his self worth.
Then Shiro tells him about demons after fighting Asaroth, and immediately dies after Satan possesses him. Turns out, Yukio knew everything from the start, about his demon heritage, about Shiro and the other exorcists, and was living a completely different life without him. Can you imagine how hurt Rin must be to have all of this dumped on him? Now he has even MORE reason to hate himself: he IS a monster- son of the WORST monster, Shiro died bc of him, and Yukio in fact doesn’t need him. Even though Rin finally found himself being comfortable in cram school, I can’t imagine how much self loathing is going on throughout it all. He meets ppl who DIED by Satan, and hate his birthright. Yukio attacks him. I feel like Rin’s coping mechanism is to be overly positive and act like nothings bothering him cuz he’s afraid of being more of a problem. (But I also think he had a werid juxtaposition of also becoming very happy in cram school. Maybe conflicting feelings??)
He’s ALREADY been once before kept from Yukio’s life. Now being an exorcist and living in the dorms together can finally bring them closer, and I think deep down Rin wishes for them to feel like a family again, that they can bounce back from this and start new again. Rin isn’t the failure he once was and ppl are starting to accept him, he made a normal friend! He now gets to be a part of Yukio’s life again
But now with this chapter, Rin finds out about the suicide attempts. How much more Yukio is hiding, how much he won’t depend on him. HOW CLOSE HE CAME TO LOSING HIM— the last of his family he has left. It made him feel stupid and it all bottled down to these 2 pages:
All of this has become blown out between them. Yukio fearing that HE’LL be the monster and fearing that he’ll be the reason why the world ends, and that goes against his entire purpose. Wasn’t he willing to kill Rin if he got out of control? So why won’t Rin kill him?! Bc Rin depends on Yukio’s very existence to tether his humanity. And this is what Satan was betting on all along.
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