We need to talk.

Hello there, this is my blog to talk about butch, stud and fem(me) things, thoughs, questions and dynamics as a trans stone butch. Here I’m going to talk about negative and positive points in our community. The profile flags are, respectively: butch, stud, and femme. Have fun and ask me questions.

[butchstudfem-concepts]

Fixed post for fixed things.

Talking about the blog and what I will or will not talk about

I'll not talk about who can and can't use those labels (ps.: "stud" is a exclusive black lesbian label) butch/fem(me).

Here, "fem" it's another way of saying “femme”.

I'll talk about sexual labels like: stone, high, pillow. And I'll talk about sexuality.

[butchstudfem-concepts]

Hello! I’m a butch, my friend is a femme, and she accidentally said something that offended me as a butch. (I promise this context is important!!) I told her what she said was wrong and offered to educate her on butch identities. To which she said she’d love to learn more.

But I don’t know everything and want to give a more comprehensive explanation of our community and history, so could you maybe provide some resources or a summary of major identities and historical events?

Ofc I know that’s a lot to ask, so if you can’t help don’t worry.

Hello! I'm glad your friend realized her mistake and wants to learn more. Here are some links about the butchfemme community. I hope they help you: Dagger: On Butch Women. The Femme Mystique. The lesbian erotic dance : butch, femme, androgyny, and other rhythms. Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community. Butch Is a Noun. Hijab Butch Blues and Stone Butch Blues. The Persistent Desire. The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For. Persistence: All Ways Butch And Femme. Queer Time, Affective Binds: An Erotohistoriography of Butch/Femme.

[butchfemmethoughts]

“I turn stone tops into bottoms” “I can melt your stone.” SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

[ilovechaosblog]

literally rape, so is trying to get pillow princesses to top.

[yourfavstonehigh]

The stone butch that I created flag and It's meaning!

First, what is a stone butch? A stone butch is a butch who only gives sexual touch but does not receive it (on their genitals or, for others, on their erogenous zones). It is a sexual and cultural identity within the lesbian community. For some stones, their sexuality is expressed through dominance, being hypermasculine in a butch way, and, above all, respecting themselves, their partner, and each other’s boundaries. Now, the meaning of each stripe, from top to bottom, 7 stripes and a brief explanation.

Masculinity and stone identity

It is meant to represent butch masculinity and the stone identity as a whole.

Sexual boundaries

It is meant to represent the respect for boundaries that is fostered in the Stone culture.

Unique relationship with gender and sex

This is to show that every stone butch has a unique and different relationship with sex and gender.

Trans and gnc stone butch

It is intended to represent the history of gender non-conformity and transgender/transsexuality within stone butch communities.

Sexuality

It’s meant to show how butches proudly express their stone sexuality to the world.

Respect for high femmes

It’s about the respect, protection, and love that stone butches have created and nurtured with their high femme partners.

Community

Finally, the community. This last stripe on the flag reminds us that, above all, we are a community, one that exists only because others before us fought and resisted, and spoke out so that we could be here today. It serves as a reminder that, even though we are all unique and different, we are still part of the same community, and we must protect and respect one another.

Thanks for reading! Free to use.

[butchstudfem-concepts]

Did you know that this is butchphobia?

I’ve noticed that lately, many people have been treating butches as inherently oppressive within the lesbian, especifically with the butchfemme, community. Many people attach a negative connotation to butches because of the prejudices that some perpetuate — and don’t get me wrong, I agree that we should speak up when our peers and partners act in ways that don’t represent us as a community, but that doesn’t mean being butchphobic. I realize that this anti-butch backlash stems from generalizations and bad faith, as well as hatred toward butches: treating butches like men has become all too common — and, of course, completely wrong. It's butchphobia.

When you perpetuate the stereotype that all butches must act like a men, as if they were aggressive by nature, as if they took advantage of their femme partners; when you expect all butches to be the same; and, above all, when you believe that all butches must have a specific body type or way of expressing their masculinity or ethnicity — you are butchphobic. You’re not defending lesbians from “mean butches”, you’re creating a bogeyman instead of talking about how butch masculinity can be toxic, you’re marginalizing and stigmatizing butches simply for being butches. So, please, let’s stop sexualizing and then belittling butches. Being butch or a dyke should be a source of pride, not just a “mere identity” that only serves to satisfy you and, when it no longer does, is discarded like trash. We can and should talk about how some butches use their masculinity to their advantage in their relationships. Talking about this isn’t anti-butch, but treating us like misogynistic men and unworthy of love is.

[butchstudfem-concepts]

Hello! I just wanted to let you all know that I haven't forgotten about the blog! I'm just busy with some personal stuff and college

[g1rl0blivion]

being femme4butch extends to seeing butches as friends and not always as potential partners btw

[butchstudfem-concepts]

"Perhaps this is why I can only understand my queer present through connecting with butches and femmes of the 1950s. Our gazes have met, and I cannot look away. Once you look back, it’s hard to stop." - Queer Time, Affective Binds: An Erotohistoriography of Butch/Femme by Katherine Nilson

[butchstudfem-concepts]

A discourse with negative and positive points.

In recent days, the butchfemme community on the neighboring platform (Twitter) has been addressing the topic that many posts about femmes, especially Black and fat femmes, do not receive as much relevance, likes, and appreciation as posts involving butches, and although this may seem like a "non-issue," we can delve deeply into this matter. It is also being said by some femmes that butches do not reciprocate in our community, that they only love butches, protecting them and bringing positivity, and that butches are not bringing reciprocity.

To begin with, yes, these are very valid criticisms and we, as butches, just like femmes, must understand, visualize, and denounce negative points in our spaces, especially regarding masculinity and femininity. In this topic, it is addressed how femmes are not gaining much visibility, how many of them are simply pushed to the margins, not desired - in a non-sexualized way - by other people. What was supposed to be just about something on the internet ends up showing us a reality that is often unnoticed, silenced, and this should not happen, nor should it be cultivated in our subcultures. The fact that femmes suffer from invisibility is real, and this is due to the fact that we live in a patriarchal society, where femininity is not seen as something worthy, and this worsens when we talk about femme lesbians, especially our Black femme lesbians who have to fight against misogyny (noire), lesbophobia, and femmephobia. Having mentioned the patriarchy, we must indeed denounce how some butches and other queer masculinities can take advantage of their partners and dynamics, even if marginalized, because this, whether we like it or not, supports the masculinism of the cisheterosexist patriarchy. We need to talk about how butches and studs can indeed cultivate toxic masculinity in our spaces. However, it is also pleasant, as well as necessary, to talk about how butches are treated in a patriarchal society, how we are constantly attacked, harassed, and systematically killed. We must give voice to butches and studes so they can speak out, as well as denounce and give voice to femmes; masculinities can have their negative side, which should not remain in our ideals. And we must not forget, femininity and masculinity ARE oppressive, they hurt us and have problems.

In this second part, I wanted to talk about "butches are not reciprocal" and the like. I think it's a fair point to make, especially in contemporary times where the butch-femme dynamic of the 1950s-1960s is no longer a "trend" within the lesbian community. In past decades, we had gender issues in our spaces, of course, we always have. But saying that butches don't love femmes as much as they love us, when focused solely on us as individuals, is to throw away the entire butchfem culture, it's also a kind fo butchphobia, and this "adoration" can often be the sexualization of our bodies. I agree that, as already mentioned, because we live in a patriarchy, butches can end up corroborating toxic masculinity, preferring to have only their equals around with the intention of promoting themselves. However, this is not something rooted in our homes as butches. Decades ago, butches were butches because of their femmes, and vise versa. There would be no butch without the femmes, and there would be no femme without the butches, although, of course, nowadays, butches are not necessarily butches because they are attracted to femmes, and femmes are not femmes because they are necessarily attracted to butches - our realities have taken different paths, although there are still some more traditional people in this regard, like me, who try to maintain what was once very common in our dyke community. The butchfemme alliance-dynamic has always been about protection, defending and bringing positivity about our equals and our counterparts, spreading our way of life and culture around the world. Again, I think it's fair to mention that there are ill-intentioned butches, just as there are ill-intentioned femmes, in our community - and this type of person should be given attention so we can discuss our problems as a dichotomous and minority group. Butches have their issues and prejudices that need to be addressed (and I can make another post specifically about that), just as femmes have their issues and prejudices that need to be addressed. We need to strengthen the positive points and we should talk about negative issues, but not lightly, as it ends up just turning into stigmatization/hate against femmes and butches (see "butchphobia" and "femmephobia").

[butchstudfem-concepts]

A thing that’s really frustrating to see in the butchfem community is that, these days, people don’t understand the true meaning behind the terms “high femme” and “stone butch” — they fail to grasp the essence and importance of these terms in our community.

To begin with, the terms “stone” and “high” refer to sexual matters: specifically, what each person's boundaries and limits are when it comes to sex. A stone butch is a butch who doesn't want their partner to touch their genitals during sex. A high femme, on the other hand, is a femme who doesn't want to touch their partner's genitals — these are the basics of the terms. But that's not where the concepts end.

When we talk about stone butches, we’re not just talking about what’s been said: it’s a much richer identity, and we can’t oversimplify it. The history of stone butches and their culture is also about a dynamic of domination, about performing hypermasculinity as a butch. It’s about body positivity, about being anti-rape, about understanding others and understanding oneself, and about comprehending and experiencing the world through one’s stone sexuality. There are many stories of how stone butches, before coming to terms with being stone, struggled with their own identity and their own bodies. Being stone, just like being high, is about autonomy, is about talk.

Highs also have their own history and significance, particularly within a stonebutch4highfemme dynamic, though they are not limited to that. As previously mentioned regarding stones, highs also have a history tied to their dichotomy: submission and an incredible femme hyperfemininity performsnvr. Highs are often seen as “selfish” or “lazy,” as if they didn’t want to contribute to their partner’s pleasure — which isn’t true. Highs femmes show us how diverse and rich lesbian sex can be, dynamic and different for each person, while still maintaining the comfort and boundaries of those involved. Highs offer a form of resistance against prejudices: it’s a two-way street when it comes to protection. High femmes protect their stone butches, just as stone butches protect them. In this way, both can live their lives on their own terms, with their partners, expressing themselves freely, and having their needs heard and respected.

There’s so much more to say, sources to share, and (general) experiences to post. But this is just the first post — an informative rant about a community I’m part of and where I see a lot of misinformation. That’s it — stay safe, surround yourselves with people who respect you, and share your experiences with the world. Thanks for reading.