* BUTLER / CLEAN .

"Ah, bonjour! Welcome to Markiplier Manor. Invitation?" indie benjamin the butler from who killed markiplier?. lovingly penned by cori. mutuals only!

[butlerkilled-blog]

i’m not dead, i promise! i’ve just been really tired and drained lately. i’ll be getting to things soon, i promise.

[hipstered]

i have a “why am i like this” moment at least five times a day

[bimtthias-blog]

(x)

[roanox]

I forgot to post these very nice Tyler screen shots from his the last twitch stream that I watched. You can see how he gets weird right at the 7th picture.

[positivelypurelypatton]

Oh my goodness. Tyler is so adorable.

[ghostling]

Four Word . Prompts

“Please, come with me.”

“You’re always number one.”

“I can’t do this.”

“I won’t let you.”

“Maybe I’m just crazy.”

“I’m not even sorry.”

“Honestly, just stop it.”

“I believe in you.”

“Don’t be an ass.”

“Who were you with?”

“Please talk to me.”

“I can’t trust you.”

“I need you, though.”

“Don’t be fucking rude.”

“Is that my shirt?”

“So, it was you.”

“I need to go.”

“Just stay with me.”

“You can trust me.”

“Alright, I love you.”

“I’m sorry, but no.”

“Will you help me?”

“You’re a terrible cook.”

“Can you shut up!?”

“You love me, right?”

“I really need you.”

“I don’t love you.”

“I’m not doing this.”

“I really need you.”

“You don’t want me.”

“Let me help you.”

“You’re such a bitch.”

“I can’t do this.”

“You think you’re funny?”

“Hey, I said stop!”

“Will you marry me?”

“Wanna go out sometime?”

“I don’t want this.”

“You always this quiet?”

“Are you fucking insane!?”

“I don’t want you.”

“I’m not wearing that.”

“Sorry, were you sleeping?”

“This was never right.”

“You look really tired.”

“I’m out of here.”

“You need to go.”

[actualarchive]

gone girl starters

below are random starters taken from/inspired by the novel Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.

❝Should I remove my soul before I come inside?❞

❝Please don’t eat anything in that area.❞

❝He is the kind of guy who carries himself like he gets laid a lot, a guy who likes women, a guy who would actually fuck me properly.❞

❝I would like to be fucked properly.❞

❝I sound quite slutty, don’t I?❞

❝You look all twitchy.❞

❝There’s no romantic present for wood.❞

❝Go home, fuck her brains out, then smack her with your penis and scream, ‘There’s some wood for you, bitch.‘❞

❝Seems lonely.❞

❝The cat was sweet, but extremely stupid.❞

❝Well you certainly take your time about it, don’t you?❞

❝So how likely is it I’ll meet someone I love, much less someone I love enough to marry?❞

❝'He’s doing what you tell him to do because he doesn’t care enough to argue,’ I think. ‘Your petty demands simply make him feel superior, or resentful, and someday he will fuck his pretty, young coworker who asks nothing of him, and you will actually be shocked.'❞

❝Let me guess: baby of the family.❞

❝I am fat with love!❞

❝Neither of us gets stage fright.❞

❝This is how I always pictured it. This is exactly how I pictured it.❞

❝I sometimes bring my coffee and the paper and just sit.❞

❝You’re a planner, aren’t you? You don’t seem like the type to wing anything.❞

❝We call them the 'dancing monkeys’.❞

❝I am content with letting him be himself.❞

❝I wanted to play it cool, but then I started crying.❞

❝Please don’t lay a guilt trip on me on top of it.❞

❝Not according to the prenup.❞

❝I can’t even figure out if I should be angry.❞

❝My dad isn’t someone I like to talk about that much.❞

❝I feel like something is going wrong, very wrong, and that it will get even worse.❞

❝I don’t feel like a person at all : I am something to be loaded and unloaded, like a sofa or a cuckoo clock.❞

❝I don’t feel real anymore.❞

❝I still say it’s the river.❞

❝Picture me: I’m crazy about you.❞

❝Wow your parents must really hate me.❞

I ❝Hope you like canned soup.❞

❝If there was ever a time for assisted sleep…❞

❝Just got to keep on keeping on.❞

❝I’m making the best of a really bad situation.❞

❝He/She seemed to have lost all interest in both me and said ailing parents.❞

❝Baby, why the fuck haven’t you called me?❞

❝I need to feel your hands on me, that’s all I’ve been thinking about.❞

❝Come up with me. I want to be with you.❞

❝You fucking idiot.❞

❝Sometimes, I look at myself and I think : No wonder why people around you find you ridiculous, frivolous, and spoiled.❞

❝No it’s not that, truly. I’ve never given blood. My doctor gets angry at me because I can’t even handle a yearly blood test for, like, cholesterol.❞

❝How old are they?❞

❝You’re a cheater!❞

❝It would be funnier if our sex life were as carefree as the rhyme would suggest. But last week we did… fuck? Something more romantic than have sex but less cheesy than make love.❞

❝I can’t help but wonder, what’s the catch?❞

❝You were in a screaming argument about a cat box.❞

❝He uses me for sex when he needs to.❞

❝Quiz: Your husband, with whom you shared a wonderful sex life, has turned distant and cold – he only wants sex his way, on his time. What do you do?❞

❝I’ve been indulging in toddler therapy.❞

❝Well, now might be the right time. To start a family. Try to get pregnant.❞

❝I m cracking under the pressure. I will snap.❞

❝I didn’t realize until I was almost there that it was Valentine’s Day. It was Valentine’s day and I was going to buy a gun and then cook my spouse dinner.❞

❝I just would feel safer with a gun.❞

❝I don’t know what would be good luck : plus sign or minus sign.❞

❝This man might kill me.❞

❝Picture me : I’m a girl who is very bad. I need to be punished, and by punished, I mean HAD.❞

❝I’ve told you, I’ve told you so many times!❞

❝To start: I should never have been born.❞

❝Is she still alive?❞

❝I was the girl/boy who battled oblivion and won.❞

❝I ruined my mother’s womb in the process.❞

❝I’ve always been better than the rest of them. I was the one who made it.❞

❝They get to be perfect without even trying, without even facing one moment of existence, while I am here on earth, and everyday I must try, and every day is a chance to be less than perfect.❞

❝That’s because you loved a person who didn’t really exist.❞

❝Being the Cool Girl means you are a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes, and anal sex.❞

❝Men actually think that girl exists.❞

❝The Cool Girls are even more pathetic. They’re not pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.❞

❝It’s tempting to be the girl every guy wants.❞

❝They never taught me how to be happy.❞

❝I would always try to figure out why this is fun.❞

❝If you let a man cancel plans or decline to do things for you, you lose.❞

❝What a cunt.❞

[siriusblacc]

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

[askboxmemethings]

Send me "♥" to see how my muse reacts when your muse suddenly kisses them.

Bonus: Add a bit of tongue action.

[calledemrys]

 SHANE  MADEJ  STENTENCE  STARTERS !    ( PT. 1 )

 i  watched  around  60+  buzzfeed  videos  to  do  this  but  here  it  is :   an  assorted  sentence  pack  of  shane  madej  quotes  from  buzzfeed  videos  other  than  buzzfeed :  unsovled !    there’s  plenty  of  buzzfeed :  unsloved  memes  going  around  so  i  thought  it  nice  to  shed  some  light  on  other  things  shane  has  said  in  other  material .    feel  free  to  change  any  pronouns  in  anyway  you’d  like !

 ❛    i  feel  like  i’m  in  the  fourth  dimension !   ❜  ❛    am  i  yelling ?   ❜  ❛    so  when  do  people  wear  this ?   when  they  sleep ?   when  they  make  love ?   ❜  ❛    i’m  so  glad  this  isn’t  cake !   ❜  ❛    this  was  my  favorite  toy .   forever .   ❜  ❛    this  is  so  much  better  than  cake .   ❜  ❛    i  eat  to  live  but  i  don’t  live  to  eat .    ❜  ❛    here’s  to  a  great  week  of  being  sludge  buds .    ❜  ❛    hey ,  look !   there’s  some  vomit  on  the  stairs  …  and  here’s  my  dinner !    ❜  ❛    i’ve  been  eating  muck  since  tuesday .   i’m  …  sad ?   and  kinda  delirious .    ❜  ❛    the  other  night  i  was  falling  asleep  and  i  just  started  thinking  about  bread .    ❜  ❛    some  bread  is  airy ,  some  bread  is ,  like ,  cakey  …  what  was  the  question ?    ❜  ❛    food  is  great .   don’t  ever  take  food  for  granted ,  it’s  the  best .    ❜  ❛    because  i’m  a  fun  guy  and  i  know  how  to  party .    ❜  ❛    where’s  all  this  liquid  go ?   are  we  filling  up  like  balloons  right  now ?    ❜  ❛    alright ,  i’m  stepping  away  from  this  situation .    ❜  ❛    what  have  you  done ?!   your  blood !   your  precious  blood !    ❜  ❛    all  that  for  a  banana ?    ❜  ❛    i’m  gonna  look  like  seacrest  after  this .    ❜  ❛    i  don’t  pay  attention  to  my  face .   i  know  it’s  here .    ❜  ❛    dancing  little  ice  globes ,  dancing  across  my  face .    ❜  ❛    this  is  everything  that  i  want  forever .    ❜  ❛    we’re  gonna  get  snails  put  on  our  face ,  for  some  reason .    ❜  ❛    do  you  mind  eating  this  asparagus  and  then  peeing  into  this  cup  for  me ?    ❜  ❛    meet  me  in  the  studio .   bring  your  cup  of  pee .    ❜  ❛    i  don’t  know  why  we  did  this ,  because  you  can’t  smell  it ,  but ,  i  assure  you ,  it’s  revolting .    ❜  ❛    i’ve  climbed  a  whole  bunch  of  ladders .   whole  bunch  of  stairs .   vertical  ascension ,  i’m  pretty  good  at  it .    ❜  ❛    i  don’t  think  i’m  scared  of  heights .   i’ll  find  out  when  i  get  to  the  top .    ❜  ❛    i  worked  very  hard  to  be  this  tall !    ❜  ❛    i’m  just  here  ‘cause  this  is  the  stuff  they  make  us  do .    ❜  ❛    i  feel  like  it’s  eating  my  skin  but  in  a  good  way .    ❜  ❛    well ,  you  know ,  we  do  whatever  we  want  around  here .    ❜  ❛    i  imagine  it’s  going  to  be  someone  towering  over  me  and  telling  me ,  very  loudly ,  that  i’m  not  trying  hard  enough  ‘cause  i  probably  won’t  be .    ❜  ❛    at  the  end  of  the  day  my  goal  is  to  remain  alive .    ❜  ❛    it’s  about  what  i  expected  which  is  pretty  rough .    ❜  ❛    it  was  one  of  the  low  points  in  my  life  but ,  once  again ,  entirely  worth  it .    ❜  ❛    he  looked  like  he  was  gonna  throw  up  a  couple  times .   to  be  fair ,  though ,  i  also  almost  threw  up .    ❜  ❛    have  you  ever  seen  a  head  more  ready  to  get  a  snake  put  on  it ?    ❜  ❛    you  know ,  sometimes  you  hear  people  breathing  in  your  ear  but  very  rarely  a  snake .    ❜  ❛    i  could  have  done  that  for  like  four  or  five  more  hours .    ❜  ❛    right  now  i  look  like  shit  but ,  ten  minutes  from  now ,  i’m  gonna  look  like  ryan  seacrest !    ❜  ❛    holy  cow ,  those  are  brows !    ❜  ❛    now  i  understand  what  furries  are  all  about .    ❜  (  singing  )   ❛    who’s  a  milky  piggy ?   me !   me !   me !    ❜  ❛    i  don’t  wanna  see  that  in  the  mirror  ever  again .    ❜  ❛    hey ,  i’m  the  world’s  biggest  soup  fan !   that’s  what  i’m  trying  to  say  here .    ❜  ❛    well ,  only  twenty  eight  more  minutes  of  this .   so  i’m  going  to  die .    ❜  ❛    this  is  all  natural ,  baby !    ❜  ❛    if  you  just  imagine  a  root  beer  float  but  without  any  moisture .   that’s  what  you’re  about  to  experience .    ❜  ❛    definitely  thinking  outside  the  box ,  and  that’s  respectable .   maybe  they  should  start  keeping  it  inside  the  box ,  though .    ❜

[darexme-deactivated20150727]

What's my reputation? What do you think when you see my URL?

[laurenmichellow]

Someone made Tyler a #SmileAlways sign.

Photo taken at PAX West 2017

**Photo copyright Lalo Michelle. Please do not repost or edit my photography without my permission, thank you**

[lucimorningstar812]

Who Killed Markiplier gifs Chapter 1- Part 3

This has to be one of, if not my favourite scene throughout the whole series. It’s so comical but also I love the aesthetic and just the way the voice over matches Mark exactly. I just really want to see bloopers from this! (and just the entire series in general actually)

[reveriiea]

     ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ ɢᴏ ʙᴀᴄᴋ                         ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀѕᴛ …

     ѕᴏ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ           / 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 / ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ      ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ѕᴀᴍᴇ            ᴍɪѕᴛᴀᴋᴇ  / 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐜𝐞 /

[winebishop-deactivated20191009]

Thief starters

Victim

“Hey! That is mine!”

“Give that back!”

“Where is my wallet/purse?”

“Stop! Thief!”

“Police! My ___ has been stolen!”

“Help me please I’ve been robbed!”

“I’ll get you I swear!”

“Slow down, I can’t keep up!”

“I’ll call the cops on you!”

“You’ll be caught eventually!”

“Damn, they got me again.”

“I put my ___ here, where is it?”

Thief

“Like taking candy from a baby.”

“Phew! That was close!”

“Gotcha sucker!”

“Shit, here come the cops!”

“Who me? I didn’t do it…”

“Who keeps this much money on them?”

“Shhh, I can’t hear the lock!”

“Hello officer, what can I do for you?”

“Don’t rat me out!!”

“I’m set for weeks!”

“Get your own target, this one is mine!”

“I hate the clink…”

Police

“Don’t worry, we’ll get ___ back for you.”

“Stop in the name of the law!”

“What do you think you are doing?”

“You can’t fool me!”

“Stop or I’ll shoot!”

“They’re in jail now, no need to worry.”

“What did they look like?”

“What was stolen?”

“Hey you! Freeze!”

“How’s it feel being locked up?”

“I’ll make sure you never get out.”

“They tricked me!”

[catbun]

[rpmusings-galore]

                      Hey lonely, have you gone and given up?

                                Do you feel tired, have you had enough?

                  The world feels small, like you don’t have a place.

                         You don’t fit in your predetermined space.