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“I’ll be a swashbuckling musketeer and you can be my favorite whore.”

— Rembrandt probably (via my Art History teacher)

PSA:

All birds are gay until they find their mate.

Earth: *is the sham-WOW of planets*

“When you kiss an old dog, the flavor comes with.”

—Blake Edwards

My Suite Mate Mollie: A Thrilling Saga of College Craziness

PART FIVE: CHRISTMAS IN JANUARY??

I came home and was unloading my homework onto my bed and take off my shoes when our bathroom door was knocked on; that had never happened before. Lauren called out to Mollie and Mollie answered through the door “Hi Lauren. Just wanted to tell you I love you and Merry Christmas. I wanna get you something soon, sorry it’s late. Merry Christmas”. “Thank you” replied Lauren, opening the door. Mollie answered and said Merry Christmas again before her friend told her to come back because Lauren looked busy. Lauren agreed she was busy and said goodbye, closing the door as Mollie wished her a finally goodnight.

#christmas #ill get you something #suite mate #roommate

No comment necessary....

#lol #no comment

My Suite Mate Mollie: A Thrilling Saga of College Craziness

PARTS 3 & 4

PART 3: THE ONE WHERE SOMEONE DYES THEIR HAIR AT 4AM

It’s pretty self explanatory. Mollie and crew were being extra loud at 4am, and in the bathroom no less. The next morning there was a hair dye conditioner packet on the counter. Ive yet to see Mollie to se if she was the lucky hair dyer.

PART 4: GOOGLY EYE ANTICS

I went into the bathroom early one morning to get ready for class, barely comprehending how to stand. I almost lost my shit when I noticed to googly eyes stuck to the mirror toward the middle top. Then I noticed the 3 or 4 scattered on the floor. And finally the 2 googly eyes stuck into the light switch. They’re still there; it’s been a week.

#googly eyes #suite mate #wtf #lol

Her arms.....they’re on backwards?!?!

#arms #backwards #model #fucked up

My Suite Mate Mollie: A Thrilling Saga of College Craziness

PART TWO: BATHROOM WHISPERS

There was a week, maybe two. Every few nights when I came home around 1-2am and was getting ready for bed in the bathroom, someone tried communicating from Mollie’s room. The first night I was getting into the bathroom to change and all that stuff, when someone opened the door from Mollies room, only to see me, apologize, and close it again. I thought I was crazy when I heard a “pssst” a few minutes later. No one from her room was “pssst”-ing at me, why the hell would they. The second time it happened I knew I wasn’t crazy, there was a soft knock, a giggle, and then a distinct “pssssst” from the room that wasn’t mine. I ignored it and quickly finished up and left the bathroom. The third, and so far final, time it happened was the worst. It was about 2am and Mollie and friends were being extra loud. No bother, I just needed to change and wash my face. Then I heard, “oh Lauren’s up late” (Lauren being my roommate who, for the record, goes robbed no later then 11pm every night). Mollie told mystery man to knock it off and that it was probably me and not Lauren. Instead of knocking got off, mystery man chose to knock on the bathroom door and say “hey Lauren”. I again ignored him and finished washing my face. However, I changed in my own room for fear that he would talk to me again.

#roommate #suitmate #college #whisper

College is watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race and giving yourselves Fruit Roll Up tongue tattoos at 1am!

#college #1am #rpdr #ru Paul #fruit roll up #tongue #tattoo

My Suite Mate Mollie: A Thrilling Saga of College Craziness

PART ONE: TOILET FISH

One night I arrive back in my dorm around 2am, after a crazy night of watching movies with my friends. All I want now is to brush my teeth, wash my face, change, and crawl in bed. My roommate isn’t here so I can, for once, get ready at my own pace and volume without fear of waking her up. So as I unpack my stuff from the day and gather what I need for the bathroom I remember I bought new toilet paper for our shared bathroom. I grab a roll really quickly to put in its place so I can put the rest of the pack away. The bathroom door is latched shut, which is odd because we never lock it. I quickly assume someone in Mollie’s room wanted extra privacy and make a mental note that apparently you can latch someone’s door from inside the bathroom. I opened the bathroom door and stepped in, leaning over the toilet to grab the toilet paper holder. That’s when I notice...blood? Possibly? in the toilet. I’m a bit concerned but no worries I’ll flush and be on my way. Except, on second glance the blood is orange, and has eyes, and is contained to a few sections of water, and HOLY SHIT THERE ARE THREE TINY GOLDFISH IN MY TOILET, NOPITY NOPE NOPE NO. I left the bathroom as quickly as I could and refused to re-enter. Half and hot and half a dozen crazed texts later I check to make sure I saw what I thought I saw, there were still fish in my toilet. I brushed my teeth, and then went to the lobby to pee because fuck if I’m messing with the toilet fish. The next morning they were gone and I only had the insane story to tell. My roommate asked someone she knew that is friends with Mollie if she had any fish. They said no, but Mollie did get a pet crawfish over the weekend. That is weirder, and still doesn’t answer the mystery of the fish. For the next couple of days there were rainbow aquarium rocks on the bathroom floor so there is no doubt the fish came from Mollie’s room.