By The Ocean

dying of cancer and giving in to the abyss

[by---the---ocean]

Ah so exciting

[by---the---ocean]

Trying to decide if having my print book have the first page of each chapter look like this would be excessive. What do you think ?

[by---the---ocean]

ꕀ ꕀ ꕀ

If there is one moment that is forever ingrained into my memories as an image of love, it is the entire sensory combination of that evening: from the smell of her perfume like fresh flowers, to the cool night draft the sifted through the open window, to that jittery feeling that had been eating at my nerves all night. Watching her legs beneath the dim light of the dash and enclosed in that silky black fishnet, I felt a strange sense of peace that was beyond my age. Against her dark dress, the white corsage looked almost blue in the moonlight. I studied her for a moment beneath the sound of the buzzing radio. I was a lucky man. Neither of us cared about the buzzing, it was prom night, yet here we were, in a parking lot outside the movie theater just sitting in silence.

“This is punk,” Grace said suddenly.

“What is?” I asked her.

“Leaving prom. Who leaves their senior prom?”

“Us,” I said cockily.

“You’re a dork.”

“Yeah.”

Grace was edgy. Grace was exciting. I was… not. She had bought a dress I hadn’t seen before and gotten her hair cut short, meanwhile I felt like a little kid wearing his father’s clothes.

Her hand was suddenly in mine and the electricity in my palm was back. I wasn’t a blusher but I could feel my face growing red. The corners of her lips, even in the dark of the mid-evening moon, I could see were curving into a little grin.

That evening didn’t end in colorful roses, kisses, or even sex. In truth, I don’t remember what happened. It was before our first kiss but after I knew I was madly in love with her. These are the things I remember the most about Grace: beautiful, fleeting memories, moments frozen in time as a representation of what my heart wants.

[by---the---ocean]

I breathed in the salt of the air, ignoring the scent of the tobacco. Breathing hurt now in a way it hadn’t used to. This is what dying feels like, I thought to myself. To breathe is to sputter, to choke, to be stagnant. To fall into the abyss is to be free.

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Welcome to my first Tumblr account! I'm working on a book about dying. Kinda like The Fault In Our Stars but terrifying and nihilistic! Hope you all enjoy my crazy ramblings

[by---the---ocean]

Life is a lot like dog-paddling through a pool that is a few inches too deep to properly stand in. You’re constantly alternating between bobbing your head above the water and sinking to hit the floor. Eventually, you grow accustomed to this constant alternating as a way of life, like a chain cutting into your ankles you have grown completely numb to. It’s only after you get to the shallow end and the chains have been transgressed that you question how you swam for so long.