sweet nothing butterfly

call me D, 20, genderfluid, they/she ~ sharing my writing ~ Basically my tumblr is a collection of random thoughts and stuff i like. I'm open to have a chat anytime ;)

[by-flwrchld]

How Does One Cry?

I want to cry but I don't know how. I feel sad and the tears are there, ready for me to let them go. I'm falling to let them run down my face.

I'm scared of the future.

My sibling, who's my best friend, is calling me crying because it hurts too much.

My friend is in a toxic relationship and they too fragile to leave.

My birthday is coming up and I'm anxious about it.

And now I'm hurting too, and tears won't come out. Tears won't fix things but they can calm things down.

I wish time would go by slower, so the tears could fall peacefully, as long as they need to.

[by-flwrchld]

Two years

Going back home after two years wasn’t easy. I selfishly hoped that everything would remain the same, that home wouldn’t exist without me. When I finally arrived there, I had to process this reality through a smile. I was genuinely happy and mourning. 

As if this wasn’t hard enough, people that I was once close with weren’t reachable anymore. I felt those two years, I saw what it did to us. We grew, not in a mature way but in a state of mind way. I hate and don’t believe in many things that are important and almost vital for them. That’s when I caught myself wishing for wrong things. For instance, to erase those two years. If it was possible, it would be the most violent thing I would’ve done to myself. So I just have to accept that time exists, that I will eventually lose or win things because of it.

[microwavewisdom]

Walking down streets that no longer recognize me, past spaces I don’t fit in anymore I wonder.

Did these streets ever know me?

Did I ever fit in these spaces?

[dopecine]

PLEASE BABY PLEASE (2022), dir. Amanda Kramer

"You know, you get born in the symptom of a sickness in society."

[t-hornapple]

a love poem - ink on paper - 2022

It's my version of Sir Galahad from a book I haven't written yet.

Patreon | SubStar

[caostalgia]

"El mundo va lento hoy."

Ig: estasotrassfotos

[by-flwrchld]

A Long Day

Today was harder than the other days. I reached for comfort but the response was a quiet air. So I put on some music. My vision starts getting blurry. I put it a little louder, so I wouldn't hear myself think. Here I am, running from someone who needs reassurance. I let myself feel the disappointment, the lacking, the failing, the sorrow. I hugged myself, needing to feel less alone. I imagined a reality where we could do it, nothing, no one stopping us. Returning from it was so cruel. I came to see that I needed to feel this in order to let it go, moving through this habit of seeking for the impossible. The day got slower, but the longer I have the better. I don't feel  lighter. At least I found the path. I am on my way.

If only it was true. I wished I did that, but instead I spent the day crying in front of movies. I guess I feel lighter after all. We are all so complicated. We don’t say what we want or mean, afraid of each other. Limiting ourselves for whatever reason. I wish I could just do it, come and say it. I won’t though, because rejection and the unknown is holding us back. I feel that I always come too late, leaving me alone and feeling like the less important choice. I don’t know if it is a pattern, but I’ve been through this before. I will get there someday. But right now I need to live this and get on with my day.

[dopecine]

BODIES BODIES BODIES (2022), dir. Halina Reijn

"Hey... I've been looking for you, everywhere."

[soothifying-sounds-asmr]

make sure you leave out milk and cookies for your local goth girls tonight

[lewerta]

Flooded forest

by Konsta Punkka

[beyond-the-pale-deactivated2023]

 James Kane - Piers, 2022

[by-flwrchld]

freedom to the body and mind.

[antonio-m]

‘Boy Party’, c.1954 by Jess (Burgess Franklin Collins) (1923-2004). De Young Museum, San Francisco, oil on wood panel.

[churchrummagesale]

Dead end

[weltenwellen]

Natalie Díaz, from "American Arithmetic", Postcolonial Love Poem

[consecuences]

[by-flwrchld]

Never

Our lips will never meet. Subtle touches, quick exchanges, never deeper. You're happy and stable there. I'm okay and dreamy here. A possibility that will do too much damage. No place. No time. Never will have to do.

[consecuences]

[dolidxs]

ig: @hostigamiento

[by-flwrchld]

two years