I suppose I can use this place to vent into the void. Just like the old times.
I think I gotta leave some places behind. Something heavy happened to me and the situation I'm in now isn't just a wake-up call anymore. It's the first signs that the system I'm in is about to collapse on me. And it's not just me, who's being hurt. It's all of the people I cherish. The people I love are being hurt by the machine I have fed and created. And now? Now I'm out of that system. Not on my own volition, but it's necessary. Imperative even.
I gotta find joy in life again. Find hobbies I like. Get closer to the friends I have and actually be a friend and not the common tag-along.
I have found a counselor, who will work together with me. To work on my negative aspects, feelings and the underlying causes. I'm excited that it finally worked out, but sad that it took so long to find one. It's not the same as a therapist, but it's already a big step for me.
We're working a lot on resilience and life quality! And also, I got myself a book.
I intent on studying it within the next few days and weeks, to gain some further understanding on this topic.
Other than that... I'm over the big crushing emotional low. For the most part. Now? Now I notice that I miss my friends. If I cast the dependency and the emotional clinging aside, I still miss my friends. And while I will continue to reach out to my friends and establish better behaviors and improve my environment, I still... Well, miss the friends I'm on break with. And I can't wait for the day this whole story is on a better page again.








